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DH hired a PI... Psycho or Not Psycho?

DH and I have been having "issues" for a while now. They go back and forth... no one is innocent. He felt like I was cheating and I admitted that I did, but that it was over. Over the weekend, I found a receipt in his truck (yes... I admit... I was snooping...) The receipt was for 12 hrs of surveillance on ME. To make matters worse, his MOTHER is the one who paid for it. He said the PI never actually investigated anything b/c they paid for it as a retainer and then I admitted that I cheated, so there was no reason to investigate further. I don't know if I believe that, but whatever.

So, what say you, ladies? Psycho or not?

Have you ladies ever been through this (on either end)? What was the outcome?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:27 PM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Not psycho. He's suspicions were right on. You cheated. Shame on you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:31 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Sounds like you both need some help!! I think when it gets to this point you have to wonder if this is a relationship you (both) want to stay in. Either put in the work to fix things- if possible, or move on!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • He might be trying to get proof for a divorce. Why would this make him psycho, he had a feeling you were out cheating and he was RIGHT!!! If you were innocent and he got a detective then that would seem psycho!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:32 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Not psycho unless you were psycho for snooping in his truck. I mean, come on, the reality is you two don't trust each other. Forget about PI's and MILs, if you don't deal with the real issue, trust, you're relationship is going to be frustrating and shortlived.
    Adelicious

    Answer by Adelicious at 12:38 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • When my mother thought my father was cheating she hired a PI. If he needs proof for a divorce, he of course would hire a PI. I don't think it's psycho at all.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:39 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Let me just reiterate... NO ONE is innocent in this relationship. He is an alcoholic/drug abuser and we have BOTH made mistakes. Yes, shame on me for cheating. My point is that I ADMITTED it and tried to work on things. I think anyone who gets a PI instead of TALKING to their spouse and going to COUNSELING like I had BEGGED for is an idiot. You ladies are right... NEITHER of us trust one another b/c BOTH of us cheated. Is it worth saving? IDK at this point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:40 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Anon 12:39--- He doesn't need proof for a divorce, I've asked for one SEVERAL times. We both discussed divorce before this other "relationship"... if you want to call it that... even happened. We were technically split up and I told him I wanted a divorce, so what's the point in wasting $850 of your MOM'S money???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Did the receipt have the date on it? that should answer that quesiton-

    but sorry dear. I know it happens sometimes, but I don't think he's psycho. Even if he did hire the PI after you admitted it. Just because you admitted it doesn't mean that he has to forget and be ok with it- would you be?

    There was cheating- he may never trust you in the same way again.
    I do think it is possible to move on, but I'd get counseling. He doesn't trust you not to cheat, and you don't trust him either- why else were you snooping?

    with no trust, there's not much of a marriage-

    Please go see a counselor- I wish you luck-
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:42 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • OK I just saw your post at 12:40- he wouldn't go see a counselor-
    well, I'd ask him again, it it's still no, then I'd go alone to decide if you want to stay with him.

    he may change his mind later to decide if he wants to go to counseling, but he may not.

    if it was me, I'd see a lawyer about my rights. Particularly if he is a drug user- I'd want to make sure he didn't get the kids- it can happen!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:45 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Anon 12:42 and 12:45... You are both right. Neither of us really trust each other and I def question whether or not we really even love each other anymore or if we're just comfortable and don't want to do anything about the relationship. Both of us have time constraints in regards to getting counseling. I work a lot and he is attending a TON of meetings/counseling/ASAP due to a recent DUI and incarceration. Lots of excuses, none of them good... right? I think we're both afraid to move on from one another b/c we don't really know how to do it "alone" if you know what I mean. We've been in this cycle for over 7 yrs now. Anyhoooo... I haven't done anything before or after what I admitted to him, so there wouldn't be any surveillance evidence anyhow. I guess it just saddens me that he can't sit down and talk to me rather than hiring someone to follow me.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:55 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

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