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how do i hang out with my girlfriend and her son if i dont agree with how she disciplines his tantrums and my son ends up acting out afterwards?

My girlfriend has a 3 yr old and i have a 2 yr old, we rarely get the boys together only because our schedules are opposite. well today we got together wth the boys and after he son was acting out she was yelling at him and he said to her "i dont like you" instead of time outs she lightly smacks him but i dont think its working to her favor. and he talks like a 10 yr old becuase she says " i dont baby him, i never did" well i dont mind being around her and her son when im alone but when my son is around he gets quiet and then starts to act out. ever since we left he has been hitting and throwing things. how do i bring them around each other without jeopordizing all the work ive put into maintaining the balance in our lives and the work i have done with time outs and my method of disciplining

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:23 PM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (11)
  • You both just have different parenting styles. That can be a challenge. Communication is key.

    Let her know you just want to find common ground. and work together to find what things you can both work on to make it an easier situation for both of you and your children.

    Good luck

    Answer by Skepticchick at 4:25 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I have a friend like that. she doesnt hit but constantly threatens him with time outs and tries to reason with him although every time it's in one ear out the other. I had a playdate and it was a constant thing hearing her nag at him for the littlest things. I wasnt really having a good time and she wasnt letting her son have fun with my son. but her parenting style is just different.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • (anon430) sorry I didnt really answer your question OP lol. If your son listens to you, try to explain to him in simple terms that "we don't hit, throw" and those are the rules, at your house and their house. now that the weather is warmer, maybe if you all meet at a park or something she wont discipline as much

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:35 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • its not your kid you should mind your own business

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:38 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If the two boys rarely play together...........Im going to guess that your 2 year old may be over stimulated and tired/cranky after the play date. You can either deal with it or sit her down and tell her your concerns. But..............remember she may not appreciate it.

    Answer by mistynights234 at 4:51 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I had this exact issue.

    I ended the playdates. We would still get together once and a while for girls night out but those too faded away. It was too bad because we would spend 2-3 days a week at the playground in the beginning. But I HAD to put my child first.

    Our girls are now 15 and I am soooooo glad I ended it when they were little her inability to parent has made her teen VERY difficult... mine is still on track. Im sooooo glad I did what I did. Some may have seen it as cold... but tough patooties... I have a great kid hers is giving her grief.


    Answer by Anonymous at 4:52 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • ANON 4:38... i was not trying to make it my buisness. my question is simply how do we keep our kids together and stay friends while our parenting skills are obviously very different. i would not tell her how to parent because he is her son not mine, i however do not hit my child or pull his ear like she does. she also smacks his face when he talks back. but i know the problem lies within herself and the way she speaks in front of him. i am a single mother and am home with my son all day so the only words he hears are mine. i speak to him as his age. he gets time outs when he does something wrong and he has to apologize afterwards. so far this method for me has been great. however, i am not willing to give up my friendship with her and would like our sons to have a bond together as well since they will be growing up together. all im asking for is how to deal with the issue at hand.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • mistynights : i agree he may very well be overstimulated especially because he is not around other children very often and my friends son is the oldest child he plays with, as seldom as it happens, i can see why this may overwhelm him also.

    i feel the problem may be because they do not know each other and neither of them share well. the play date was going fine until her son decided to take one of his toys away from my son, which my son just gave up very sweetly and i didnt see a problem with it but she did and i see why. sharing is key with children. my son is just a "go with the flow" kind of child i guess.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:48 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I would set up girlfriend dates - no kids allowed. Both of you find a babysitter when you're going to spend time together.

    Answer by StellarJKD at 12:40 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I had a friend whose daughter threw TERRIBLE fits. This little brat tried throwing MY cell out the window of a car during one of her tantrums. She'd throw fits in the car, the grocery store, MY apartment. Even when she was getting her way! It was ridiculous! I had to make her leave my apt a few times because that little girl was so awful. I'm not one to put up with misbehaved kids. You should be the one making the rules, YOU'RE the parent. I say either speak up or hang around with the friend SANS KIDS.

    Answer by SinaiJ at 4:57 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

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