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How do I tell my mom I don't want her to come??

You guys will think I am terrible, but when my 2nd child comes, my mom is not the one I want staying with my dd. She's elderly, she sometimes drinks, and worst of all, she is absolutely horrible to my DH and my stepkids.

I have tried to talk to her about it, but she says "just let me be me." So she complains out loud, in front of my DH, about his kids' behavior (it's really not all that bad), and she has called and yelled at me about my DH when he was in earshot... she is not a bad person, but she has this really invasive habit... which means it would just be more stressful to have her here when the new baby comes.

But she's trying to book plane tickets and is so excited and just assumes she'll be here to take care of DD when the time comes. I have no idea how to kindly tell her no. Any ideas?

She is not a monster-- she just doesn't understand the effect she has. I can't change her at this age. I don't know what to do.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:08 PM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Tell her the truth. Your husband and step-children deserve to be loved and respected just the same as you and your birth children. some people just don't have the capacity to love everyone, and my mother is one of them. (I know so many people like this). You HAVE to protect the family you have created. Period. They deserve it from you.
    Shellness

    Answer by Shellness at 11:13 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Tell her you have made other plans.
    Pnukey

    Answer by Pnukey at 8:10 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Be honest with her...sometimes the truth hurts.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:11 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • "Mom, I love you, but we have everything covered right now. Please stay at home and we'll call you when we're ready for you to visit. We want time to ourselves to adjust to having our new baby." You can always blame the hormones if something hurtful is said, but sometimes it's better to just be up front and direct rather than trying to sugar coat it or beat around the bush. You shouldn't have to apologize for how you feel nor should you feel guilty about it.
    2autisticsmom

    Answer by 2autisticsmom at 8:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Tell her that your DD already has plans for a sleepover.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:18 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • tell her and tell her quickly before she books the tickets- if you know that she wants to come and is making plans and you wait until it's too late, then it's your fault.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:23 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • She's elderly? She's your mom. I wouldn't be able to hurt my mom's feelings like that. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 8:24 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • How could you be so cruel? She's an elderly lady. She probably has no other life than her grandkids. She may be a little overbearing, but she's your MOMMA, and she won't be around forever. If I were you, I'd suck it up and accept her help.

    Trust me when I say this: you will hurt her feelings GREATLY if you tell her not to come.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:32 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Who's crueler anon? Subjecting your husband and children to someone who is rude, disrespectful, and doesn't want to change her selfish ways in order to spend time with her grandchildren, or the mother who wants her husband and children protected from a selfish woman who refuses to behave in a loving respectful way and is sensitive to how she effects others around her? To me, I think it perfectly justified telling her how you feel, and then being prepared for your mothers continued stubborness. Most ppl like this are unwilling to modify their behavior, which is ENTIRELY in their own control. I doubt your mother treats strangers with this kind of contempt. Unless she's willing to respect you, then she doesn't deserve the right to be an infuence and prescence in the lives of her children and grandchildren. Ultimately, once you tell her how you feel and your expectations, the decision is all hers. OP You have done no wrong.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • If you really dont want her there id just tell her. I mean nicely of course. Just let her know you dont need her help right now but would love to have her visit at a later date.
    Sophie4910

    Answer by Sophie4910 at 9:37 PM on Mar. 23, 2010