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How do you handle being told you can never have (more) kids?

My husband and I just found out that I have ovarian cancer. The doctors think they can treat it without the use of chemo, however we are NEVER going to be able to have more children. We are blessed with 1, but at the age of 22, I never thought I would face a forever without multiples of children.

To those of you who have been there... how do you handle it? It's been a few weeks now, and, to be honest, this is the first time I've really said anything about it. I feel like there is a strange, empty void that I just can't fill. I feel as though I am missing a part of myself I didn't even know existed, and now that it's gone I am never getting it back.

When I was pregnant we didn't find out til I was 5 months; I was so sick I ended up in the hospital and they had to induce. I always thought I'd get another chance to make it right, and have all the joys of being pregnant- not just half of them.

How do you do it??

Answer Question

Asked by OmbreGracieuse at 10:57 PM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Health

Level 9 (351 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • This is such a sad situation, but it also gives you an opportunity. An opportunity to give love to children that are not biologically yours, but need love all the same. To choose to give love to a child that doesn't share your DNA is a beautiful thing. Just consider the opportunity you could give a child in need. Especially an older child (kids over 3 tend to not be adopted and fester in the foster system).

    I hope your treatment goes well. Best of luck. Stay strong.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Well, first off.....I'm very sorry to hear about your diagnosis. It is hard to handle, and coming to a forum like this can be helpful. Now, on to your question. My husband had to undergo chemo and radiation 2.5 years ago and was told that it was unlikely that he would have any viable sperm left. We have 2 children, at the time, ages were 1.5 years and 3 years. The doctor told us if we'd like to have more, we should freeze sperm....well, that's not the route we chose for personal reasons. How did we deal with it? Well, to be honest, we wanted a large family. 4 kids, minimum. We'd only been married for 4 years when this all happened, so we thought we had enough time. It took a lot of strength and faith that this happened for a reason. So, we look at it as we were blessed with our 2 children, at the times that we had them, for a reason.

    And you didn't do anything wrong in your pregnancy. Please know that! Be strong! Good Luck!

    Answer by clhadley at 11:05 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I am sorry to hear about your diagnosis. While I haven't had anything like your situation, I still feel like I will only have my one son. I was young, unmarried and I too didn't know until I was almost 5 months. Ever since he was born, I always assumed I would get married at some point before I am too old to have kids. Well, he is 14 and I have yet to even have a boyfrind. I am almost 34. I think I can still have kids, whho knows. But, if I haven't even had a remote nibble at anything but single life, I am pretty sure that I will never have another child and get to do it right either. And, because I am not married and make just enough money to support my son and myself...adoption is out. I cry about it when I think about it....I think if I was married and had an actual reason, it might be better, but, then again, probably not. I know this might not help, but, you can always talk with me if it will.

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • How do you handle being told you can never have (more) kids?

    How?  One day at a time.  Sorry




    Answer by Anonymous at 11:16 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • i'm so sorry to hear about ur least u have one beautiful child....there are people that don't even get that.....i hope things get better for u and ur husband

    Answer by fay101 at 11:52 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • I'm very sorry to hear that. You know the good is that you were blessed to be able to accually carry one and experience pregnancy a little in the first place. I sorta in a way know how you feel because I'm 22 with my second and I wanted a big family and my s/o is older and says he's to get a i have to make the decision not to have anymore as well. Im very sorry for you though and i hope you and your husband are ok. I think you can look into the future and maybe consider the gift of adoption as well...

    Answer by oogiesmommy at 12:21 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • You may not be able to give birth, but you can still have more kids. THere are thousands of children waiting for a home.

    Instead of focusing on not being able to have children, you should researching ovarian cancer. It has a very low survival rate. I do wish you the best of luck.

    Answer by motherofhope98 at 8:09 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • (((HUGS))) I am so very sorry that you are facing all of this at the same time! I too am going through this, somewhat, without the cancer diagnosis. Take time to grieve, and then day by day make the choice that this will still be a good day.

    I was a little different, had emergency surgery at 14 to save my life, then by 16, doctors were telling me that I would probably never be able to become pg, nor able to carry a pregnancy. Well, surprise! We have a 3 yr old, but I've just been told that either my body is going through very premature menopause or I'll have to have a hysterectomy next month. I cry, alot, but I also hold my head up knowing that I'm beyond blessed. The doctor's didn't know if I would be able to have "marital relations" or not, and to be married with one child is truly a blessing beyond measure. (((HUGS))) take care and I'll be praying for you!

    Answer by Miracle_pg at 12:04 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would try looking at it differently and know you CAN have more kids, you will just adopt

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

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