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I have a war going on in my home right now.

My son and daughter from my first marriage are having alot of probelms with there step father lately. They dont listen to him about anything and recently my daughter siad she doesnt want to live with me anymore. I feel so helpless. The fighting and the arguing has escalated and gotten so bad over the past few months and everything I try to do doesnt seem to help the probelm. It amazing how much trouble this is causing just with my daughter and my new husband. We have been married now for 3 years and my divorce with there father was in 2004. I dont know what to do can someone give me advice

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Mom0008

Asked by Mom0008 at 11:20 PM on Mar. 23, 2010 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (3)
  • Try family counseling. You seem to have a lot of issues. Your children do not respect the new husband for whatever reason. How do you two get along? Are you willing to let his break up your marriage?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:23 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • Sit down with your children and listen to them. Don't solve the problem with a quick fix. Sit down with them ALONE and listen to them. Don't judge, don't interrupt, don't parent, don't try and solve everything quickly .. Just listen. Let them tell you how they feel and why they feel that way. Then when all is said, try to keep it civil, let them tell you what they think should be done. Then talk about it with them and see if you guys can come to some sort of comprimise. Your children come first. You need to find out what is causing them to be unhappy before anything can be solved. Listen and then join with them to solve the situation.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 11:37 PM on Mar. 23, 2010

  • My husband is my oldest child's step-father. It takes time to blend a family. One thing my husband and I did that really helped smooth things out was we took a parenting class together (Love & Logic). This put us on the same page about discipline, and really helped us discipline without threatening or yelling. You need to set up your family's rules and consequences for not following the rules. I would make the number one rule - respect all other family members, and I would have a consequence if that rule was broken. Even if your kids are threatening to go live somewhere else, you aren't doing them any favors by letting them get away with being disrespectful. Family or individual counseling might also be worth while.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

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