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Ready to be a parent but not ready to be married???

How does this even make sense! My younger sis told me this tonight, man that girl is clueless! Anyone else feel that way? I am trying to understand her.

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:51 AM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • Not sure what you mean exactly because I don't know your sister's situation but I feel that marriage demands things that are much different from parenthood. Well, I guess I mean a relationship, not marriage. With parenthood, you don't necessarily make decisions together or have to place trust in other person or make comprimises, etc. IDK, but I have heard lots of single women declare that they have more harmonious lives without the man that they have to please and possibly deal with his previous issues as well as raise children. Or are you saying, sis is in relationship but does not want to legally get married (but is pregnant)? That's a whole other set of questions. Maybe she just doesn't want to deal with that hassle when she has enough to think about. Maybe she doesn't know if her partner is someone she wants to legally tie herself to, but that doesn't necessarily make her less capable as a mother...

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 2:03 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

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    i dont think you have to be married to be in a relationship and raise children together. If you love someone, why should you need a paper to tell you that? I think if you do split in the future, sometimes it's a little easier than going through the whole process of divorce...maybe, i dont know.

    Answer by oogiesmommy at 2:09 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • i'm a parent-- i wasnt ready, but i am ready now to be a parent to another child.. I'm not TTC tho, or just waiting to see what'll happen- i'm taking BC... but i know that if another child came into my life- i'd be ready.

    i am FAR from ready to be married. marriage scares the SHIT outta me. i can deal with relationships-- my BF leaves and i dont see him for a few days, we dont argue as much, we dont have to make any "family decisions" together.. (my bf is NOT my son's dad... so i'm also not ready to share parenting, which marriage is also about!)... living with someone scares me too. my last 2 relationships, when i "lived" with them (i lived with DS's dad. the other guy bummed off of me), it always turned abusive. i'm afraid that every time i live with someone- it'll end up like that.

    parenting: you are the parent- you make the rules- no questions asked
    marriage: its 50/50-- agreements, arguments, compromises, etc

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 2:12 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • ps-- maybe people cannot "deal" with marriage-- some are just too stubborn to put aside THEIR wants/desires to put their SO's wants/desires.. or to even come to a compromise... with parenting- there's no compromise. if i compromise with my 4 year old on brushing his teeth- he'll be trying to compromise with me about staying up later. not gonna happen. lol

    Answer by Shy_Dia at 2:13 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Maybe she is just worried about the high divorce rates. Some people are just scared of marriage (i.e. my sister). She has been with her boyfriend for 7 years and have a one year old. They were more than ready to have a baby together but still don't feel ready to marry. She just thinks that marriage in itself makes things more complicated. It turns the loving relationship into a contract instead of a commitment.
    I'm still not quite ready to marry but I love my fiance and we have one daughter and a son on the way. We present ourselves as husband and wife and do plan to marry one day, but not yet. I just want the ceremony, I could care less about the marriage license and all that. I want a big, nice ceremony- as a day to celebrate our love and have the blessing of our family's and friends.

    Love is about commitment and the feeling you get when you see that person you love so much, not about a legal contract.

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 2:18 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I think its very important for there to be a marriage before kids are thought of. Children need two parents, a mom and a dad, and a mom and a dad that are united in their decision making, even if compromises have to be made. I believe that children miss out on a lot when their parents aren't united together or if mommy or daddy are not in the picture. If your not ready for marriage than no plans of having kids should be made.

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:20 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Precious333- Why do you need a piece of paper to say you are united and both in the picture? My fiance and I live together with our daughter and we both parent her. There would be no changes made if/when we get married. It would be EXACTLY THE SAME.

    I think the societal pressure to marry before having children is part of the reason the divorce rates are so high.

    Answer by imamommmmyyy at 2:23 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • btw. my sister is not married either and they have two kids. They did not plan for kids (as far as I know) and they are engaged and plan on getting married one day, but from what I see through their relationship and their kids that they were not ready... however it happened and they trying to be the best parents they can. It just would have been better for them to be established in marriage and worked through this prior to having kids..... its a rocky road, well any parent has rocky roads, but coming from a family of divorced parents and trying to live under two seperate rules and ideas of prarenting is hard, and thats what you create when you decide on kids before marriage. Its just not best for anyone.

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:25 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • hey my cousin told me the one time i couldn't figure out either all i was thinking was then what r u doing getting preg but everybody is different what doesn't make sense for u make sense for another


    Answer by evelyn334 at 2:37 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • marriage to me is much more than a peice of paper, infact I could care less for that paper (besides tax beneifts etc). It was the day we took our vows that we took to eachother and before God that established our marriage. Last year we went through a hard time, almost got divorced in fact and it was going back to what i promised and reminding my husband of the vows that we took (and meant) that was part of what kept us going and able to work better at our marriage. We remember that marriage was not just about the feeling of being in love but the commitment that until death, for better and for worse that we made a promise, a covenant, to stick by eachother. These words meant something for me and my husband.

    I think that there are many reasons for divorce, but social pressure I dount is one. there are so many divorces, so many unwed parents that its become the norm.

    Answer by Precious333 at 2:39 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

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