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Please help me...I'm at a complete loss for what to say.

My SO and I have been having a rough time lately when it comes to sex. He's never interested and I always am. I brought it up again last night, told him I feel he's not attracted to me. When I told him that, he told me he's not a decent f*ck. This blows me away, because I would never in a million years think that about him, and really don't understand why HE thinks that. And I don't know how to explain to him that I find him incredibly attractive and think he's great in bed. I would try to show him, but he says that's why he avoids sex and that he's going to continue to avoid it. I don't really want to be shot down anymore. Any ideas at all on what I can say to try to get him to realize that what he thinks isn't true?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:13 AM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • IDK...most men would not avoid sex even if they felt that way..either he's lying or incredibly insecure to the point of therapy.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:16 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • OP here...he's not lying. He's the kind of guy who's honest even if it kills him, or you. He's too honest, sometimes. Which is why this is such a shock to me. I would think that being so honest, he would be able to accurately assess himself and know that he's not horrible like he seems to think.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • He may need to see a sexual therapist, urologist or counselor depending on whether the problem is psychological, physical or mental. Explain to him that denying you community property (so to speak) is wrong. It's not a tool to withhold as punishment, or reward as a favor. If there is a problem that he'd prefer not to discuss deeply with you, then he should seek professional help accordingly. Most men prefer to gather their own solutions rather than talk it out, as females are fond of doing.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 6:24 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I seriously would say he likely needs to talk to a Dr. I am wondering if he is having issues err maintaining an erection? just seems that something is maybe wrong . just a thought
    sati769leigh

    Answer by sati769leigh at 6:31 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Could he be bi or gay. Not trying to be rude just thought I would throw it out there.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:40 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I agree with going to the doctor.
    anetrnlov

    Answer by anetrnlov at 7:10 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • One bad sexual experience may have done it for him. I think that you should try to entice him into sex and then make sure to give him many complaints and make a lot of noise. Whispher in his ear that it was awesome. Keep having positive sex until he snaps out of it. If it's problem keeping it up have him lay off masturbating and if that doesn't work see a doctor. Don't give up!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:28 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I wonder if a past relationship had told him such things and he heard that enough that he believes it, or if he has low self-esteem. It might be a good idea for him to see a therapist, and a doctor and get a check up to make sure all is well with him. I think you should talk to him and let him know what it is about him that you find attractive, and how he makes you feel. what if you put sex on hold (for now) and just snuggle on the sofa and kiss and such? Take it slow and work up to sex. Good luck
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 7:35 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Many men are extremely sensitive in regards to this topic. His problem may be actually physical or psychological...it really just depends. My husband is nearly 14 years older than myself and started to experience some feelings like this in the first year of our marriage. Turned out that he was having some physical health problems (onset of diabetes and high blood pressure) that were taking a toll of the quality of his erections. He could physically feel this difference and that in turn made him sensitive regarding this subject and to also not want to have sex with similar statements as your man. While I cannot be sure of the root cause of your man's feelings, what I know worked for us was to talk about it. When I heard of the symptoms that he was experiencing overall, I suggested a trip to the doctor's office, not for just his sexual health, but his overall health. Once the diabetes and high blood pressure ... ctd.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:53 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • ctd...adequately addressed medically, then we could see where we were and address the erectile dysfunction.

    So I am not saying that this is necessarily the case with your man, but what I am saying is that perhaps some gentle conversation can get him talking to you regarding why he feels this way, what might be happening, and how you can work together to overcome it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:55 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

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