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Should I talk to my DD, 15, about saying "I love you"...?

She FINALLY broke up with the boy she'd been "dating" for 2 years after much stress and strife. He was, quite completely, a jerk! So, now a boy whom she's known for that long and has been good friends with all along, asked her out. I think they probably had interest in each other earlier, but were just friends. Now, with this new boy she has told him (and me) that she wants to "take it slow". The last relationship was draining for her and she realizes how much now that it's over. I said "great idea!" But, after a couple weeks of just talking more and hanging out in school (no dates now until summer and she turns 16, but he seems nice), I see on Facebook "N loves D". I'm not sure if this is just immaturity on her part, or normal teen stuff, but I wish she would not throw that out there so easily. I guess at 15, they still have an idealized view of love, but don't boys freak when they hear that? What are your thoughts? Thanks..

Answer Question
 
dflygirl7

Asked by dflygirl7 at 7:59 AM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Level 12 (751 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I *think* it is the men, not boys, that freak over the "L" word. But I'm not certain when they start that.

    My DD is only 10 (11 next month) so we haven't had that issue yet, but I plan on telling her about "Love" being a BIG word that means a LOT more than just "like you a lot". Of course in the teen years its hard to figure out real love from "puppy love".
    VeronicaLee

    Answer by VeronicaLee at 8:04 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • She's gotta learn for herself what is and isn't cool with this new boyfriend. You should stay out of this kind of thing and let her make her own mistakes. She'll learn better from her life experiences than from anything you say to her about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:05 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would buy her Steve Harvey's book "Act like a lady, think like a man" and then we'd discuss relationship, pregnancy, STD's, love, etc.
    Ewadun

    Answer by Ewadun at 8:11 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I have a 16 yo dd who went through the same thing with her "best friend". They started dating and it lasted 6 months. It didn't end well. They still talk, not much, but it was a very bad break up. She lost a really good friend and some others too. As for the L word,
    I don't think they really get how strong a word it is, I won't make too big a deal out of it. One thing I did learn while my girl was in that relationship was if I took it as seriously as she did she talked more openly and honestly to me about things, And that is the most important thing. Stress to her that taking it slow is the best thing. I told my dd that they will be together while so they have all the time in the world. Then talk about how you expect her to act. I am glad to report that we made it through that relationship and remained a virgin too!! Just keep talking and talking and remain calm. Good luck!
    wallmom1

    Answer by wallmom1 at 8:39 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • lol shes just being a teen...I dont know how many times I said/wrote that when I was a teen and I still do love those people just in a different way then my bf, when you know someone long enough you do love them, but as you get older and start a family you realize what TRUE love really is when you r with someone, shes just full of teen love... u know what I mean? Im just sayin dont worry yourself about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:45 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • You should supress the feelings she feels she has, they are very real to her, I think boys love to hear it, men are the ones with a problem with those three words, because it implies comitment.
    older

    Answer by older at 9:34 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I think you should talk to her about it. Also, you should encourage her to get involved in something extra curricular or have the 2 of you do some volunteer work together. She is starting to wrap too much of her identity into boys. She doesn't need to jump from one relationship to the next, and especially not at her age. Encourage her to find herself, discover her interests. Build up her self esteem so she doesn't look to boys for a pick me up.

    Anon is right about her "just being a teen," but that doesn't make it a good thing. The average teen is having casual sex, drinking, and experimenting with drugs. I taught high school before becoming a mom and the things I heard the teens talk about would shock most parents.

    Looking back, I tossed the "love" word and emotion around too much as a teen. My mom talked to me about sex but never talked to me about not getting to emotionaly wrapped up with a boy.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:38 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Its completely normal teen stuff. Don't worry..
    Shellness

    Answer by Shellness at 10:49 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • take a look at stuff you see on here!so many gown women don't have a clue what love really is-
    I think it's all normal- and not all guys freak out over it- even if they act like they do-they're young men!even if he is freaking out over it, I bet if she stopped writing it he'd wonder why and be sad!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

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