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How do I reconcile my differences with my friend? Or do I just avoid the issues?

We do a lot together and our families have even vacationed together. She is a professor with a PHD, and her DH has a nice state job w/perks. My DH and I both lost our jobs 2 years ago and have now found jobs making less than before. We have much in common with these friends including raising good kids in this difficult world, and share many stories. However, she has made comments that "she made no money last year" because she's not getting taxes back. I know that they make 6 figures, and it seems like they both allude to the fact that they work so hard and want to keep all of their $ and not have to pay a higher tax than people who aren't as "hard working". Her DH says "I'm tired of the gov't rewarding people for not working" Well, I'm educated, but have recently collected unemployment as well as used the state insurance when we lost ours. I find her and her DH's statements a bit offensive, although not directed at me. cont'd

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Asked by Anonymous at 11:46 AM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (5)
  • cont'd...I have paid my fair share of taxes in the past when we owned our own business and am never complained that I'm entitled to keep more because I was somehow "superior" to those who pay less. We are our brother's keeper ...I never imagined I would have to use safety net programs to get by. Perhaps people should not judge until they've walked a mile in someone else's shoes. I still have to believe that those who make more want to help those that don't through no fault of their own.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:52 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would let them go even if the comments were not directed at you she made them to you. I would sit down and figure out if this is worth it people have rough patches and if the people who are supposed to be there for you when your down cannot be there is it worth it? I would think if that is the attitude they have in front of you is it worth it?

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:53 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would let them go. JMO

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:55 AM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • what the heck? If they know what you have been through why would they make a comment like that?......and maybe people with six figure jobs don't really need to get taxes back. Obviously they make enough and its not like they are tight on money. Having friends like that is just not worth it.

    Answer by LucyT20 at 12:26 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would just respond, unemotionally. Like, "well, we collected unemployment and I'd never thought we'd be in that position. I am glad that our family and others pay into the safety net so we could use it, even though we never thought we would need to use it. I'm so glad that those structures are in place! I'm sure some abuse it, but for the most part it goes to help hardworking people when times are hard! If/when we have our blank blank jobs back, I will be glad to pay to ensure the future for my kids/siblings/parents/neightbors." You don't have to say "how could you say that??" or anything, but just calmly stating your POV will at the very least keep her from making those remarks around you. At best, it will expand her mind. Personally, I agree- do people who make 6 figs really need to get money back in taxes... I thought the point of tax refunds, unless they are for charitible donations, was to bale the poor out of it.

    Answer by Bellarose0212 at 12:48 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

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