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Question and Venting - Part 2

This leads to him not being able to pay bills. I sometimes have to cover his half of the rent. I pay all of the shared bills except for electricity. I buy all of the baby related gear. I buy most of the groceries. He's not able to pay me back the rent when I loan it to him even though both times he said he'd get me back before the end of the month. Now he hasn't paid electricity 2 months in a row and is saying its my responsibility to pay it. I've tried to turn off cable but he says no, it's also a house bill and we need it but he's not able to pay it himself. I'm fed up right now especially because I'm thinking about how he proposed with a passed down ring because he his mom convinced him to save his money and take the ring from her broken marriage. Although he says he wants to get married and get me a ring, I wonder if I can trust this... I mean, we have a kid now, but why am I paying the majority of the bills?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 12:04 PM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • How are you paying if you don't work???
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:10 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Through school loans and my $250 a month income.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:14 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Sounds like he's a deadbeat. As soon as you move in together with the intention of marriage, financial burden should be shared!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:17 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • ...because for some reason he thinks he can slack. Be stern on him, If the cable is in your name but he agreed to pay it and is not, just turn it off until he gets his act together......besides with no cable or internet he will have nothing to do but work, clean and do what he needs to do. Tell him the same thing I tell my husband "you can have that when you can afford it" I tell my husband "I will put into this family and marriage as much as you put in" How long have you guys been engaged? Do you like the ring you have?
    LucyT20

    Answer by LucyT20 at 12:17 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • The ring is a symbol. A passed down ring can be more special, if it represented something else special. If it came from a broken marriage as a result of bitterness, you may not feel it's worthy. So if you don't like it representing your relationship, tell him so. You shouldn't have to feel like you're only worth second-hand because he's too lazy to get up and actually contribute.

    I supported DH for 3 years while he went to school before we were married. It was hard being the only person able to supply for a family while still going to school full time. I ended up quitting school to work longer hours to finish paying off my car so I could breathe. Wrecked the car. GRRRRREAT. Right? But guess what? In July, it will have been 2 years since I've had to work. (Haven't really been able to afford school yet, so it's post-poned) DH would prefer that I stay home to raise the children because it makes him
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 12:30 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • feel like a REAL man when he can come home to a clean house, cooked supper, happy child (most days!), bills paid, laundry done, bed made, and know that it's all because I appreciate the work he is doing every day to make this happen for us. If you foresee a change in the roles, I would probably suggest that you stick it out as long as you can, (make it tough on him, though.. and CANCEL THE CABLE.) but if you do not see him progressing and GROWING UP, I would put the consequences in front of him. And I do mean, front and center. Tell him that HE is supposed to provide for the family, and ESPECIALLY if he's wanting to marry you and make you his WIFE. (Not that you're incapable, by any means. This just might strike his ego a little bit.) And tell him you want your OWN ring. All wedding plans will cease until you get one, because you're worth that. You really are.

    GL, sister! Be strong!
    matobe

    Answer by matobe at 12:37 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Because you let him take advantage of you. Put your foot down and lay down some law girl. The more you let this go the more he is gonna take you for a ride!
    vdr1983

    Answer by vdr1983 at 1:16 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Sounds like he'll make an amazing husband!!! Good luck with that one.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 1:22 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • He is going to ride this gravy train for as long as it will carry him, and why not? A woman who is willing to accept this kind of arrangement has no incentive to behave any other way. The person who is going to suffer the most from all this is your little child.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Why do you need cable? It sounds like you're both too busy to be watching tv. Cancel it. If he wants it, he can get it in HIS name and pay the bill.
    If the bills are in your name then it's your credit that gets screwed when payments aren't made.

    Make a list of all of your expenses and see which ones are temporarily expendable.
    If you don't "need" it then get rid of it until you're finished school and are more financially stable.

    Take half of the bills and get them switched into his name. Those are now HIS responsibility to pay and if he doesn't then it's HIS credit that gets screwed, not yours.

    If worse comes to worse then it could be time for some tough love. Move out or ask him to. If he's not pulling his own weight then you need to get tough.
    When times are tough EVERYONE needs to make sacrifices and step it up, not just you.

    If he's serious about being with you then he'll see the error of his ways and make the ch
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 2:12 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

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