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i think my son's father's SO is smoking pot around my son...

someone who myself, and my son's father are friends with told me his SO smokes pot around my son. but this person is also known as a compulsive liar, so im not sure what to believe. and im not sure what actions i should be taking. do you think there would be pot in my sons system if people smoke in the same room? if so, should i get him drug tested? i know i should talk to his father first, but he most likely won't tell me the truth. what would you do??

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Asked by Anonymous at 1:41 PM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Answers (8)
  • I would talk to the father. I wouldn't believe ANYONE who would be described as a compulsive liar. No if someone is just smoking in the same room doing a drug test on your son wouldn't do any good. The tests are set up to where it will only come back positive at a certain level to weed out the explanation "oh I was around so and so and THEY were smoking not me." So it would only come back positive if he had been smoking himself.

    Answer by oboe_chik at 1:45 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • First of all if someone is smoking pot in the same room as your son no he would not be dirty for pot. Second of all your son would have to have it blown in his face and have to inhale the smoke to have pot in his system. Third of all yes you should speak with his father about this and if you in your heart, mind, and sole believe that he is lieing to you about his girlfriend smoking pot with your son around then maybe he need to have her not there when your son is with his father. I would not believe this person that told you this if they are known to be a lier. I would bring it up to your son father. GL and I really hope this is not happening around your child.


    Answer by Anonymous at 1:50 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would talk to dad first and even though you think that he may not tell you the truth, he will be put on notice that you at least have an idea of what may be happening and that you will not be tolerating that. good luck!

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 1:50 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Agreed with the PP that drug tests are not designed to pick up marijuana on the level of having it smoked in the same room, and that I'd hesitate about taking someone's word who is known to be a compulsive liar.

    How old is your child? Is he old enough to be able to tell you what is going on himself? I don't believe in grilling kids about what goes on at the other parent's house, but there are ways to tread lightly and find out what is going on.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 1:50 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • his SO lives with him, so it's kind of hard to not have her at the house when my son is there. and my son is 3.. he tells me a lot about what happens at dad's house, but some stuff he just makes up completely. like if i ask him what he ate he says nothing, when i can literally see food on his face from the food he ate.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:56 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • ok i dont know why these people are telling you that it wont be in his system...... if someone is smoking pot in the same room with you YES it does get into your system, thats why there is a thing called a contact high. and remember your son is only 3 so timeframes are a bit fuzzy for him, if you pick him up at 3 and he ate at one and you say what did you eat he may not remember that he ate at one, he may think you mean right now. you have to be more specific when asking questions. like hmmmmmm you still got crumbs what did you have for lunch today........ it helps to jog his memeory. now back to the pot..... straight up confront the ex and his so see what they have to say and tell them that it is unacceptable and if you suspect it again you will have your son tested and charges filed.but also tell who you heard it from so that if its untrue they can confront that person about lying about them.

    Answer by STRAWBERRYRAIN at 3:08 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would just say to your ex that you heard this rumor and you hope it isn't true but you have to follow up and ask about it as a responsible mother. See what his response is and go from there. Like someone else said, at the very least it puts him on notice and if it is going on maybe he will realize he better make sure it's happening away from your son. And if he admits to it, well, obviously you can take action then.

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:43 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • If so, your child will smell like it - even extra unwashed clothes. Also, I think the drug test would pick up second hand pot smoke. Probably need to be concerned about your ex being high while caring for your child. Do you think he would do that? You probably know in your heart whether he is doing that. I have been struggling for years because my daughter's father is a pot smoker. He was raised in a home where his mother smoked quite frequently so he thinks it's okay to raise a child in this environment. I'll tell you though - where I live, in Colorado, the courts don't care and cops don't care about pot. I am almost positive my daughter's father recently smoked pot while driving my daughter on a road trip, and honestly as long as he denies it or says he won't do it again, no one will help. Best wishes.

    Answer by educ8or at 12:28 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

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