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Am I overreacting?

My dh recently joined Facebook (after I urged him to). Of course, all of his old friends who he hasn't talked to in over 20 years have found him. Including some of his ex-girlfriends. We are pretty open with our accounts, so I thought. I saw that he has been exchanging messages with one of his ex-girlfriends almost every day. (I saw because I went to plug his iphone in the charger, and saw a pop up of a message). I also have his facebook pw.
The messages seem innocent, she's married. He's told her what he's been up to. She did bring up the past and asked him if he hated her, he said no...bla bla bla.
My problem isn't that he is communicating with her. I've communicated a couple times with an ex as well.
My problem is that he hasn't told me.
We've never had any problems. We've been married for almost 8 years with 4 kids.
Am I overreacting? Should I bring it up to him, or allow him his little communications?


Asked by Anonymous at 2:53 PM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Sounds innocent enough to me. And maybe if assumes you know about the exchanges because you guys do have an open relationship and each other's passwords (so do my hubby and I). So maybe he hasn't said anything because you haven't said anything. I wouldn't get upset or jump to conclusions. Just simply bring it up in conversation if you really want to know.

    Answer by TarLion at 4:22 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • sounds ok, if she is local i'd confront

    Answer by staciandababy at 2:58 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Yes, I think you are over reacting. You encouraged him to join. Everyone knows that many different people from the past find you on there. Nothing sneaky was being said on the e-mail. Relax and don't see problems where there aren't any.


    Answer by Cindy18 at 3:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • just ask him. if he has nothing to hide he'll just tell you. if he does, then he'll get all uptight about it, and then you know something's up. sometimes my dh talks to old friends that are girls and just doesn't mention it. then one day i'll see a text or an email and be like "who's she?" and he'll just tell me "oh it's so and so back from whenever and we were just talking a bit"...sometimes even tells me the whole conversation they had...but sometimes it gets annoying when he tells me every little detail that i don't need to know. (i like the basic stuff, going into detail about he said she said stuff annoys the crap outta me unless i WANT to know.)

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:03 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • if you guys have such an open relationship, don't let it get clouded with bad feelings like this. Be open about it, but he probably didnt feel a need to voice it since you guys have such a great open relationship when it comes to this stuff.

    Answer by PhatAttack at 3:04 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • U sound like me lol my hubby is only allowed to talk to girls if they r friends with me to n if i feel uncomfy with them hes not allowed to talk to them i use to have his pw but he changed it n i left him for a week over it now all i do is ask him to sign me into his account n i read what has been said

    Answer by rainmommy at 3:14 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I think you are overreacting. You say yourself that the communications are innocent. It is probably nothing he realized he should have to tell you about. I don't tell my DH about every conversation I have on facebook.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 3:16 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • OP here....thanks. It's so weird seeing him 'talk' to this girl and talk about the past. I hope it's harmless. She's not that local, but she's only about 2 hours away. They could meet if they really wanted to. I guess I'll try to casually mention it and see what he says. I have asked him before how's the facebook thing going and has he talked to anyone, and he's said no. Hopefully he's just being a guy and really doesn't think it's a big deal. The thing is when I've mentioned that any guy from my past (not even a bf, just a guy from high school) has commented on something, or sent me a message, he jokes that the guy 'wants' me. If he's thinking that about guys contacting me (and trust me, it's not many), I can only wonder what he's thnking when he talks to a former gf. Geez - why does Facebook make me feel like I'm in high school all over again?


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:23 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I would have a problem if you have specifically asked him if anyone has contacted him and he said no and then you found out that is a lie. I just feel like once you start lying it is so easy to continue and it grows and grows. If nothing is wrong then he shouldn't feel a need to lie about it. If he doesn't want to go into his history with the ex or whatever that is understandable- we all need some privacy- but lying isn't cool at all.

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:02 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Why did you urge him to join Facebook? It appears that it is already causing you some minor distress. Perhaps you should have left well enough alone and not urged him....

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 6:03 PM on Mar. 24, 2010