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My son is getting married... and I don't think it's good news at all...... this girl has pulled him WAY down.

History... my son had his crap together, had a good job, a great credit score, had finally worked his way up to a brand new vehicle, had a credit card that he paid off every month, had applied to go to school to become a police officer. He was really on track. He's 19 years old.
Then he meets this girl. She's 22 years old, divorced (no kids thank goodness, but she has been pregnant 3 times "she says"). He came to talk to me one day and it started out this way "Mom, sex with her has become a chore". Why? Because she makes him cook for her after they are done. Then she tells him that every woman's vagina has penis memory (ex. if you're cheating then your husband will be able to tell if another penis has been in your vagina). I know... wtf! Then she tells him that if a woman is cheating she can't get pregnant by the other man becuz her eggs will only accept sperm from the man she's married too... again wtf! CONT'D

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 8:41 PM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • "The question I asked, in case it was missed in the face of all that typing was; How can I become the best MIL I can be in light of feeling the way I feel and knowing what I know."

    You have to ignore what you know and what you feel. Advise only when asked for advice, keep your peace when you see them and stay away if you feel you cannot, be polite and be there for him when it all falls apart.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 9:04 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Then he finds out that she's going to AA 2 or 3 times a week with her ex boyfriend, and she tells him that she goes because it's "like church to her".
    THEN we find out that she's trying to talk him into letting his truck go back. We advised him to get out of the relationship before she comes up pregnant and he don't know if it's his or not. AND To not let her make him give up his truck.

    I find out last night: she got fired from her job 2 months ago, they're living on his convenience store clerk's income, AND his truck got repoed. AND THEY ARE PLANNING TO GET MARRIED.

    I'm horrified to say the least. But what I need advice about is how to be the best MIL I can when I feel this bad about him marrying this girl who obviously is cheating on him, and dragging his finances to hell with her.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Let everything go in one ear and out the other. Advise only when asked for advice. Stay away otherwise. And be there wehn it all falls apart...as it will.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 8:46 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Don't support your son in this. Maybe he'll take the hint, maybe not. But it sounds like he's going to learn his lesson the hard way. :(
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Your boy made his bed and know he has to lay in it. He is 19 he needs to learn a lesson sooner or later he will learn from this.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:49 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Mind your own business. I have 3 adult sons and have good relationships with all of them because I kept my opinions to myself. They know they can come to me and I will accept them as they are and help how I can. I have no money so that isn't an issue.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 8:50 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • WOW. I am so sorry. That sounds like a mother's nightmare. This girl is off her rocker! I guess you just have to try to remind yourself the he is an adult now and he has to make (and live with) his own decisions.

    I don't know, I keep typing things like "keep your words to yourself" and then deleting it because it sounds wrong. I don't know, this is really a tough spot. Maybe you shouldn't be worried about being a good MIL, maybe you should just worrying about being the mother. I don't know if there is anything you can do to pry this woman's claws out of your son, but there's got to be something. Maybe you need to do something devious like decide to move across the country and tell your son that if he comes with you you'll pay for school to become a police officer for him? I'm at a loss.
    beckcorc

    Answer by beckcorc at 8:52 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • OP here.... The question I asked, in case it was missed in the face of all that typing was; How can I become the best MIL I can be in light of feeling the way I feel and knowing what I know. It's hard as hell to embrace someone as part of your inner-circle of family when you know they are not to be trusted. I'm just trying to figure it out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:56 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • That's sad to hear that he went from doing so well to the opposite. I think the best you can do is have a sit down with him and tell him how you feel. But also tell him that you love him no matter what and that you'll always be there for him. Once they get married (if they do), just remain silent but supportive. And when it tanks, just be there for him in a loving/non-judgemental way. I think that's really all you can do. You can't keep him from her if he's determined to be with her and if you don't support him in this, he'll just turn his back on you and you'll be the "bad guy."
    There's many times in my past I did the opposite of what was suggested to me and of course later, wished I'd listened to the advice. I think those things mature us and help us to make better decisions in the future. I think that's what'll happen with him. Especially if you just keep loving him and being there for him. Good luck!
    luckymomof_3

    Answer by luckymomof_3 at 8:57 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • As far as the potential daughter-in-law, just remain nice but be there for your son. Try to accept her for who she is - someone your son loves. Don't get too involved. I would tell your son too that if he wants to marry this girl and therefore forcing you to accept her into the fold that he needs to keep their relationship info private. He shouldn't be telling you things that you can't help but hold against her....right? Like I said, good luck!!
    luckymomof_3

    Answer by luckymomof_3 at 9:00 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

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