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Why is everyone ignoring the fact my DH has depression?

Okay...He lost his job. He has kids that have sucked him dry financially. His ex wife is ruthless and takes him to court every chance she gets. He drinks every night on the couch. (Rum and Coke) He usually has 3-6 of these every night. He has allowed me to be mistreated by his ex and kids and states that I should just take it because he can't. He has gained 40 pounds. He use to run marathons. His only activity is watching TV. If I invite him to do things outside the home he tends to stay at home to watch tv. Most of the time when I go check on him he is asleep. I can't remember the last night he was able to sleep through the night. I emailed his brother in another state but he said he talked to him by phone and thinks he is fine. My whole family thinks he is depressed but I can't get his family to notice. What should I do? I have to handle everything. The only thing I can get him to do is pick up the kids from practice.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:34 PM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • He needs professional medical help. That deep a depression is not something he can just snap out of on his own and no matter how supportive you are , you cannot cure him . In fact you need support and professional advice yourself on how to handle the situation.

    Unfortunately, with any kind of mental illness, family is often the least helpful, because they do not understand and do not want to be involved with a situation that is strange to them . Your husband has multiple problems to deal with . he is unable to cope and that is why he needs professional help as soon as possible. His condition will not cure itself.
    janet116

    Answer by janet116 at 11:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Honestly, it doesn't matter who or who doesnt think he is depressed. Even if the whole world confirmed this HE would have to make the decision to get help. All you can do is talk to him about all the changes you are seeing in him and ask him if he's willing to get help for the sake of your relationship, your family, and himself.
    MamaChamp

    Answer by MamaChamp at 10:48 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • His family chooses not to see it so you can't force them to accept it. Just deal with what you can. Get him help and quit whining about what others are not doing.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:01 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Unless it's a clinical depression, there is nothing you can do for him. He has to pull himself together and snap out of it - I'm not saying that's easy, and he might need professionel help with it, - but first he has to realize he is the only one that can do anything about it. ( and he has to want to get out of it )

    You're gonna have to talk to him about it, and make it (lovingly) clear that it is not alright w/ you he just gives up like this.

    Good Luck, girl.
    Nynne

    Answer by Nynne at 11:26 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • his fam isnt the ones that need to do something he is and if he isnt willing there isnt much you can do good luck i will keep you and your husband in my prayers, i have dealt with depression myself and it was hard to even admit that i had a problem with it
    mommie2twogirls

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 2:02 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • What his family sees or doesn't see isn't relevant, really. He needs to get help. You may need to make it a condition of you staying with him. The fact that YOUR family sees it may make them more willing to help you should you decide you need to leave.
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:08 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Yes I'm sure it's the "evil" step-children and ex-wife's fault. YOU are the one that lives with him, focus less on everyone else and their evil ways and figure out how you can help him. You can't force him to get help, but you can try to understand what his problems are and see if you can convince him how important it is for him to get help. Try to not mention all the people who have done him wrong, that won't help, especially if you're bashing his children.
    If you couldn't handle his children (who SHOULD always come before you!) and his ex you shouldn't have married him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:03 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I think you need to drag him to a doctor or counselor or both. He ma needs meds for it or he may just need to see someone. I think you should tell him you cant take seeing him like that and he is missing out on life. You dont care what it takes, you arent giving up and he is going to see someone and get his life back. Ask him if he would rather see a male or female counselor and then make an appointment. Make sure the appoinment is when you can take him to the doctor. Hopefully once he gets started he will continue. Just put your foot down!
    ria7

    Answer by ria7 at 10:06 AM on Mar. 25, 2010