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i need some relationship advice please

Ok I've been with my bf for about 7 years and we've lived together for 6 years. We also have a five month old daughter. It seems like the only thing we do is fight. The problem is that when we do he gets so mean and says really hurtful things that he knows is going to sting badly. He always ends up saying sorry and we make ammends but I'm sixk of this shit. So he did it again today (he never thinks before words fly out of his mouth) and I told him its over and I want him out by the end of the week. Do u think u should rethink this for the sake of our baby? He may be a crapy bf but he is an excelent father. She is such a daddys girl lol. I just hate crying all the time but am I selfish for ending it now that we have a baby? I want her to grow up happy.

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samantha21385

Asked by samantha21385 at 11:18 PM on Mar. 24, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (953 Credits)
Answers (17)
  • girls dont tend to have happy child hoods if their mother is miserable. it doesnt mean you have to give up on your relationship, just means you would have to work really hard on it. dont stay with him for the baby, it will only make things worse, put your relationship first and your child will follow.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:25 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • i was in a relationship like that.. was with my dd's father 7 1/2 yrs and dd was 3 at the time. all we did was fight and dd would wake up cause daddy was yelling..in the end for me and dd i decited to have him move out when dd said daddy u keep waken me up when u yell and feeling scard that my dd might get yelled at for being a child woken up i knew it had to end. i told him enough was enough he needed to leave and saying sorry was not gonna make anything better and that we are over but he will always be daddy and could see dd anytime. it has now been 7 yrs and im married to a good sweet man who loves my dd like his own and dd's father is still in her life but dd sees it as she has 2 dads who love her. i loved my x but we grew apart and i grew up. my dd still remebers waken up at night cause of her dad yelling at me and thats sad. best of luck hun. xo
    tabbys4

    Answer by tabbys4 at 11:26 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I can not tell you what to do, because you will live with the results, not me. But I would like you to think about this. Do you want your daughter to grow up in a house where all people do is fight? If he treats you this way when he is angry, what will he say to your little girl when she makes him angry? Also, why have you stayed for 7 yrs? Being alone to raise a child is really hard, but there is something to be said for peace in the home.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 11:27 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • I think if there isn't any physical abuse or the relentless mental abuse you do owe her a chance to have her parents together.Don't just agree to him staying but get some couples counseling.Tell him it is something you both owe your daughter.Go do the best you can at working things out and then if it doesn't work you both will know you did her best.I have been married 31 years and have been in counseling with my husband a couple of times.So worth it,have had friends it worked for and a couple it didn't but they felt more at peace about their decision.Good luck.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 11:33 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Op
    I haved stayed with him for this long because I fell head over heals for him but he is not the same guy anymore. I mean when he's nice he's great but the bad always outweighs the good. You are right I am miserable and I have tried to work it out but he just flat out says no why should I. I just hate the thought of my daughter having to be shuffled around fom house to house for the rest of her life.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:34 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Op
    And I have mentioned counseling and he laughs and says yeah right
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:37 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • You want your daughter to be happy.... leave him. If hes yelling @ you and saying hurtful things, it obviously isnt a good environment for your daughter. If hes an amazing father hell continue to be while licing else where.
    pinkcicle709

    Answer by pinkcicle709 at 11:54 PM on Mar. 24, 2010

  • Have a (honest) talk with him about where you and him want to go from here. If you are noticing problems, he obviously is too unless he's been living under a rock the last few years. You say he is a good father, well that rules out him being a bad person. What you have to do is uncover the deadness inside of him that he is feeling about the relationship. Try to work it out. For your daughter's sake. So you can be able to say that her parents gave it all. And if it doesn't, and he ends up with somebody else, and you do too, you can at the very least say that you TRIED.
    kortney712

    Answer by kortney712 at 12:43 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • My parents stayed together "for the kids". I think it was the would thing they could have done. Even if your boyfriend is a good dad, your daughter will know when she gets older that you're miserable.
    MomMom23

    Answer by MomMom23 at 1:05 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • when did his behavior start? after you got pregnant? after the baby was born? some guys have trouble with baby change. before the baby your focus and attention was all about him now the focus and attention is all about baby, and some guys have trouble adjusting and don't even know they are feeling the abandonment or jealousy. if you really love him you should sit down and talk about how he feels, and if he thinks this is the problem. and if it is find a babysitter (or grandma) and have a date night once in a while just the 2 of you.

    northcarolinama

    Answer by northcarolinama at 1:09 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

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