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Grandpa has questionable morals--How would you handle it???

My DH (in his mid 30's) just got reconnected with his bio-father who he has never known. He flew out to meet him a few months ago, and now the man is here staying with us for a week. DH is so excited about finally knowing his dad, but I'm concerned. He has a rep for having "open relationships" with young 20 something women and to that I can say, to each their own, but what I don't like is how he talks about it in front of our kids. i mean, he "joked" about "holding Out" for one of his friends daughters to turn 18 in front of his 11 yr old grandoughter. Then later in the night told a story of one of his past drug experiences.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not a totla prude or anything, but to me there is adult conversation and kid appropriate conversation, and this guy just doesn't seem to have that filter... What do i do? Dh wants to continue having a relation ship with him, and I am worried about his influence.... .

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:28 AM on Mar. 25, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • Talk to your husband about it first, and make sure he's getting this. Let him talk to his dad about appropriate conversation. If your husband refuses, you're in your rights to say, "We'll be absent when he visits."
    gdiamante

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:36 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Well I hope your 11 year old didn't get what he was saying. That is gross though, I would be worried that he would try to get your husband to start paying more attention to these 20 somethings too. His gross and I would be embarrassed if when your elven year old is 18 that he starts hitting on her friends. You should talk to him about it I'm sure your husband doesn't want to hear that mess either.
    LucyT20

    Answer by LucyT20 at 4:11 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I would be most concerned about the friend's daughter turning 18 comment. The drug thing...well, I don't know how he put it, but I know that some people, including people important in my life, did drugs at some point in their past. I don't really mind if they discuss it in front of my kids, b/c it's usually along the lines of, "I did X, and boy, was that the dumbest thing I could have done. I (flunked out, went to jail, lost my job, house, family, etc). If I could go back, I wouldn't do it again." And if they don't say that, then I sit with my kids and discuss how so and so did drugs, but this is what it did to them, and this is why you shouldn't do that. My kids get it. So, that could be a learning opportunity for your kids. Not excusing grandpa, just saying you could take advantage of this and turn it into a positive. The turn 18 part...that's just gross, and not much you can do on that. Tell hubby to talk to him. Good luck!
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:33 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • He is of age, and he is talking like a man. Don't be concerned with who he dates if it is legal- it isn't your business. As for "holding out"..sound like a typical man talking to me.
    Then, as for talking about his drug experiences, so what. He is telling a story. If you don't want your kids to hear any of it, just tell him to keep it away from them.
    NO BIG DEAL.
    bellaamore

    Answer by bellaamore at 7:35 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • It's only for a week, right? Tell your husband he's not invited back until he can be respectful around you and your children.
    Happypancake

    Answer by Happypancake at 9:18 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I think he is just not used to censoring himself. Just talk with your DH and have him talk with his dad. The only comment that bothers me is the one about "holding out" until a certain girl turns 18. I mean, how long has he been holding out? You know what I mean. Yikes.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 11:05 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • And to the "tell him to leave" or "we'll be absent when he visits" comments. STOP setting this woman up to fight with her husband and to cause a family divide. That's NOT the way to handle it.
    BaisMom

    Answer by BaisMom at 11:07 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Talk to your husband about it first, and make sure he's getting this. Let him talk to his dad about appropriate conversation. If your husband refuses, you're in your rights to say, "We'll be absent when he visits."

    Ditto this. Kids don't need ridiculously horrible influences. The way NOT to handle things is to put a man in front of children's well being, even the father or grandfather. Good people don't act that way in front of children and good people don't put up with it. If talking fails, let him have his daddy time without having that inappropriate garbage around your children.
    wildflowers25

    Answer by wildflowers25 at 11:12 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • It sounds like this guy has no idea of how to behave around small people,kids. Maybe he should be staying in a Motel?
    Lindalu2

    Answer by Lindalu2 at 11:33 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Since he obviously had a strained relationship with your DH I am guessing this guy wasn't the greatest father himself so he probably doesn't understand or consider that there are things that shouldn't be said in front of children, or his idea of what is ok differs from yours. I would ask you husband to just approach him with something along the lines of "We are so glad to have you hear and to be establishing this relationship, I just need to ask you to keep things a little more PG when the kids are in the room." I think that is pretty non-threatening and respectful. He may sincerely not have realized it was inappropriate. If it is mentioned to him and he doesn't change then things will have to go further but maybe there is a simple fix. Maybe you even talk to him about it so it doesn't put your DH in the middle, then he isn't the bad guy and can say, yeah, she might be kind of overprotective but this is how we raise our kids.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 1:53 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

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