Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Can a marriage survive if 2 people share WAY different views?

My fiance is a conspiracy theororist. He believe the government is trying to control us and soon we will have no rights. It has gotten to the point where tonight we just broke off the engagement because I am afraid that he will resent me someday. Resent me because I can not support his ideas.
I get embarrassed when he starts to talk about these things. I don't understand why he believes these ideas and he can't understand why I don't! He has been listening to this crazy person on the radio and I believe it is filling his head and compounding the situation by reinforcing it over and over and over.
Can we agree to disagree? or are we doomed to live a life of resentment?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:38 AM on Mar. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • Depends on how important these points of view are to both of you. If his political view is a dominant force in his life, you may not be able to.

    Answer by gdiamante at 3:43 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • He sounds nuts. Remember there are plenty of men out there. Plenty of them. Like a bus, one leaves and look there's another one. They will all have faults but this dude of yours is too far out there. Get a new one.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:43 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • It can work! My husband and I are very different. I'm a vegetarian he loves meat. He loves music I hate. His too lay back if you ask me and I am very type A. He watches cartoons and I watch the news. Our political views are the complete opposite. I like the outdoors and he likes the couch but we have been together almost 10 years. It may sound corny but as long as you love him thats all that matters besides there are just certain conversations that is best to not have with your partner.

    Answer by LucyT20 at 4:04 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Love is not always enough to make things work. Depending on how important the particular topic is to each of you, sometimes dramatically different viewpoints can still work, and sometimes they are simply a prelude to disaster. My boyfriend and I disagree on a couple of different things, but neither of us feels they are that important, although other people would. We simply agree that we don't agree on those topics, and so we just won't discuss them with each other. If we feel a strong urge to discuss those topics, we'll discuss them with a friend or family member that shares our viewpoint (or opposes, if we want a good debate). I did, however, have a boyfriend once that we disagreed on some things, and it was a dealbreaker. The things we disagreed on were just too important to me to overlook. In fact, he was similar to your fiance, and his ideas were just so farfetched and unprovable, that I couldn't live with it. Good luck!

    Answer by tropicalmama at 6:29 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Well, me & my ex are VERY different, & i guess maybe we did not love each other enough to work past those differences. So, we split up. If you cannot handle it now, it's certainly not going to get any easier once you are married. Always keep that in mind. When marrying, you have to ask yourself if his "faults" are something you can live with forever.

    I hate it when people listen to the radio & go touting crap they hear someone else talking about instead of doing YOUR OWN research. You can't make good jugdement without hearing all the information from all sides.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 7:32 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • My dh and I have literally NOTHING in common. What we do though is talk, talk, talk. I tell him my views on everything and he tells me his, even on little things like music etc. Then we agree to disagree, we try to really listen to what the other has to say though. We're polite and respectful to each other's views too. I used to be part of the LDS church and my dh strongly disagrees with that church. At one time I thought about going back and he just asked that I not make him go. In the car we'll take turns listening to each other's music, things like that. If you and your husband can do these things, your marriage can and will last. If he starts getting crazy about his World domination theories and begins taking it out on you, run. If he says or does hurtful things to you because you don't agree, run. Try sitting down with him and telling him what you want/need out of this relationship and see where things go.


    Answer by -xoxo- at 7:35 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Take some time off from each other a month or so. No contact from each other. Sure hope your aren't living together to accomplish this. You two need to realize what's important the relationship. You are saying he is listening to some crazy person which isn't respecting his view point. If it's part of his life then he has to share it with someone that share his beliefs. You might not be it.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:05 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I don't think I could. A main reason my ex is my ex because of our regilous views. He believes there is something there but he "doesn't know what". I believe that there is only one God. The big man up stairs. We didn't agree on poilitical views, he just didnt' care. I care about my freedom & what happens.But we loved each other & we had fun together. And thats what keep us together for 3 years but I wouldn't have been able to have children with him. We'd always fight. BUT now my DH we are like peanut butter n jelly!!!! We agree on everything basically a few thing we'd do differently but we come to a compromise. And thats what a marriage is about. Love & compromise! And many more things. It all depends on you hunny! GL

    Answer by rebel07 at 10:11 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I think he's brainwashed with the dude on radio! Sometimes, they say opposites attract . My husband and I do! We will be married for 13 years in May!!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Everyone is different but I think that having similar core values and beliefs really helps a marriage for the long haul. I know that for me, I needed to have a partner who's political and social views are similar to my own as that is very important to me. My husband and I are pretty much lock-step in that department which makes me very happy. Where we are different is more in life-style: he is ultra neat and organized (he is a finance guy) and I'm an artist so I'm much more disorganized and a bit cluttery. I love that he helps me get more organized, he appreciates my spontaneity and creativity.

    Now with your guy, I'd be a little bit worried that he has paranoid tendencies. It might be more than just a belief system but might be from a chemical imbalance in his brain (I have a friend whose ex thought the govt. was conspiring against him and it got worse. He went on meds and it got better).

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 11:54 AM on Mar. 25, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.