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What more can I do?... I'm just tired. Please no bashing. I'd rather not feel worse about things.

I'm a SAHM of 4 and although I love being here with them. Dh makes me regret every having my kids. He is the only one bringing in an income as of now. I have no issues with going back to work, but he insists that I need to be home because its better for the kids. He keep all the money of this card that only he has the pin to. Every week its the same routine. I start around Wednesday making oa list of any bills that need to be paid that week and anything else in the house that needs to be bought. On Thursday I make sure that I have everything typed up, with prices and bills with due dates and amounts. Then Thursday night we go through the list. And thats where the isuues start.
He'll ask what on this list is not a NECESSITY? So I tell him i'll go through the list and call him back. I already budget to the last penny as it is. So i'll take SOMETHING off... usually anything that pretains to me. CONTD

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Mar. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (34)
  • I don't want to sound like I am judging your husband here...but he is a control freak. Personally, if it were me, I would leave. There is always a way to go and there is always an organization to help you if you need it and don't have the family to help you. You seem like a level-headed woman, so if you don't want to leave, just stop doing all the stuff you do on Wednesday and Thursday. Stop shopping for the house. See how he likes doing it all himself and maybe then he would appreciate what you do. Life isn't cheap and definitely not life with a wife and 4 kids....housing, clothing, food, hobbies, school....whatever. You would probably be much happier on your own, work and support the kids than with someone making you feel guilty about having kids. He needs therapy.
    clhadley

    Answer by clhadley at 5:24 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Clothes. I’ve asked my mom to buy my hygenals because I need to lower the amount so he doesn’t get mad. Anyway, so after taking the amount down even more. He’ll still get annoyed by how much everything is. He says he has a right to know what I’m spending HIS money on. But when I worked all my money went straight into an account WE had. I never asked him what he used that money for.
    He says he doesn’t ask me to do without, but how can I do for myself when he gets mad at every dime I spend? He tells me all time that he gets mad because he works and works and works and all his money goes to the house he never gets to see any of it. But with a family this big and him being the only provider I’m not sure what else he was expecting. He says he got cable for the kids to help me, but I begged him not to do it because it would add another bill every month. CONTD
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:16 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • He says he got cable for the kids to help me, but I begged him not to do it because it would add another bill every month. He did it anyway and when the bill comes due he tells me it was to ease my mind… My mind it not eased, im stressed. We’re renting to own a W/D. He told me to go get one, and I did, I got the cheapest one they had. With a family this big we’d spend more washing at a Laundromat. But yet again, when the bill comes due he tells me if I would just wash at a Laundromat it would help ease his pockets. I use powder detergent, its cheaper. He tells me to use the Expensive stuff. I mean I feel like I cant do anything right and I cant do enough.
    I keep this house clean. Its not free of cob webs and a few toys here and there, but theres not trash, I vacuum. I do the dishes. The bathrooms are clean and sanitary. CONTD
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:18 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Oh and out light bill.. I mean there is enough stress wrapped up in that bill to make me smoke. And I don’t smoke. Our bill for some horrible reason is about $200 a month. He thinks we’re paying about $120. Where is the other money coming from. Me. I sell things that we’re given to me. And last month I sold a memento from my high school graduation, to someone who was unable to be there with us on Graduation Day. I sold it for $30. And cried the whole time.
    I try to talk to him and he doesn’t listen. It’s a pissing contest…. “I sacrifice too you know.” “I’m tired more than you are, look at what I have to do.”…”All you have to do is sit back and let me pay all the bills, whats so hard about that?” <~~~~~ Him. I had a doctors appt that was a $150. I only had $100. CONTD
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:19 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • He told me to write and cash a check for the other $50. I did and the next day he called me a liar and a thief. I told him I need new clothes.. I dress like a man. Hair and all. He told me that I shouldn’t get more than a pair of jeans and a shirt cuz my weight is up and down anyway and he doesn’t wanna WASTE his money. I have gone through hell and back for this marriage but now, now I’m just tired of feeling so useless and so defeated. I wanna be happy and I’m not. I’ve asked him to go to counseling with me, but he says is issues are not everyone elses business and he’s not gonna tell some stranger what his deepest darkest fears are. “They’ll just make out to be the bad guy and I’m not having that s**t.” I went and picked up my divorce papers. They are sitting on the table. Am I wrong to fill them out? Am I wrong to want to just go?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • LEAVE HIS SORRY ASS, GET A JOB AND CHILD SUPPORT! then he can expirence what it's really like to work and never see a dime of the money! no SAHM deserves to be treated that way!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:21 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • No, you are not wrong to want to go. If he won't listen and is not willing to change, it's up to you. This situation is far too filled with crap to stay in.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:22 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • This is a form of abuse, you are having to cut off things you need, especially things for hygene and health. You should not feel bad. the fact that you are means he is too controlling. If he doesn't trust you with a pin number how does he trust you as a wife?
    Laura_Cruz

    Answer by Laura_Cruz at 5:23 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • File for divorce, custody of the kids, and support. Go back to work. You will have your money and his money and won't have to put up with him. He will try to still control your life but he can't unless you let him. Life is too short.
    Gailll

    Answer by Gailll at 5:23 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • D-I-V-O-R-C-E.......UH, yeah. He is way too controlling and demanding and just dumb. You need to get out. He will have to pay child support and you will get it and decide what to spend it on. You can get a job and you will be better off emotionally.
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 5:23 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

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