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Does anyone else besides me date a man whom you have a child with, that has another babys mother in their life they have to stay in contact with to see their other kid?

How do you deal with it?

Answer Question
 
lil_sexii

Asked by lil_sexii at 6:25 PM on Mar. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • like an adult, if you date a man with a child it is what you sign up for
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:30 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I'm married to a man who has a child from a previous relationship. You just have to be mature about it. Yes, he sees her every time we drop off and pick up my ss. They go to his doctor's appointments together, and meet once in a while to discuss behavior problems, etc. I don't have a problem with it. He married me, not her. He loves me, not her. Whenever she and I see each other we are both polite and respectful (that takes some effort sometimes due to her idea of being a mother). It's works as long as everyone can be adults, and if you are dating a man with a child you have to realize that it is a package deal and that the child's biological mother will always be in the picture.
    other_mother

    Answer by other_mother at 6:38 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Oh, and yes we have child together as well.
    other_mother

    Answer by other_mother at 6:43 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • yeah i definitly understand what you are saying but the thing im not comfortable with is that I NEVER MET his others daughter mother. Every Friday he goes and picks her up and drops her back off home on Saturday, but he NEVER lets me go! I dont trust that woman either cuz shes always sending him text messages, like "I love you". He says he doesn't take me with him because "It's disrespectful" I dont know how much longer I can take this.
    lil_sexii

    Answer by lil_sexii at 6:50 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I don't understand how he thinks it is disrespectful to take you along. I can see how this would make you worry. Does he have a parenting plan filed? Is he worried about custody if he makes her angry? If there is no parenting plan, then he needs to get one filed as soon as possible so that he can quit worrying about her and focus on his relationship with you. Also, has he told her that he is in a relationship and that he wants her to quit texting these things to him? I am in a different boat because I have met DSS's mother, and I know that she is happy in another relationship.
    other_mother

    Answer by other_mother at 6:56 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • No i dont really think he has told her to stop texting him those things, it would probaly make her mad. Well i dont think he has been honest with me about this other woman, because i went thru his phone one day cuz i was just feeling a lil gut instinct about something, i read text messages that she sent him in the middle of the night while he was working askin him if he wanted to come over and "you know what im talking about!". . .and he replied "Can I?" Please? And she text back "yes how long will you be?" then there was just a whole lot more to it, i can tell you more if you add me as one of your friends so we could talk more. But anyways after that I havent felt the same about them two. To be honest I dont even know if she knows about me!!! Im kind of in a hard situation but I let it go and tried to forget about it. Dont want to be stressed out and worried all the time. But it does kind of suck when I think about it
    lil_sexii

    Answer by lil_sexii at 7:16 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • fisrt of all stop blaming her, the other mom, for this. HE is to blame, HE is the disrespectful one. She may be getting a whole other story from him. Sorry but I smell a rat.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:00 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Well Im blaming both of them just because I know shes trouble and I think its nasty of her to text a man while hes WORKING to come screw you! And her OTHER baby daddy lives with her, or she lives with him one they have a son together. Im over my boyfriend lying to me about everything, I feel like im just stuck in this relationship with stuff like that goin on behind my back. I live with him, and I know he would never let me go anywhere especially with our child. So confused.
    lil_sexii

    Answer by lil_sexii at 3:10 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • He can't keep you from going anywhere with your child. Just don't take your child out of state and file a proposed parenting plan before you leave. I think in most states (check with your state law) the person who files the parenting plan has custody of the child until the final parenting plan is approved by a judge. Most states also have free legal aid for those who qualify. He is not being respectful of you in any way shape or form, and you and your child deserve better than him.
    other_mother

    Answer by other_mother at 5:26 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

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