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would you leave your husband if...

he never helped you. by that i mean you do the house work,yard work,plumbing, raising the children,ect. i mean it the only thing he has done lately is play stupid video games and gets on facebook. i have asked for help and don't seem to get anywhere with him. it has come to the point where i even started smoking again to relieve some of the stress. i think i am going to leave him(seperate) maybe he'll get the picture. what would you do if you were in my shoes? please no bashing i feelike crap enough as it is. thank you.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Mar. 25, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (12)
  • It's got to be even harder if you don't believe in divorce. Try to think of it like... Live married and act like a single mom and be stressed 24/7 and alone.... or get divorced, live and act like a single mom, with the opportunity to find someone who see's eye to eye with you. Maybe finding someone who fits you perfectly?
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 9:53 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Y.E.S.
    bestmommyeber

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 9:35 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • My SO is the same way and I told him if he didn't start helping he was gone. I gave him a deadline to get off his ass and it actually worked. Good luck. Remember you deserve more.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:36 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I'd have never married him to begin with. I lived with him 2 years prior, so I knew he was a helpful guy. :)
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:38 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I am in the same boat as you and am asking myself the same question. What I am thinking of right now is do I still love him? What would our daughter's life be like without us iiving together (he is military and we are overseas for the next 2.5 years), can I keep my daughter's life the same with just one income and child support. My parents suggested living out of the house for a few days/weeks to keep our life somewhat the same but to see if he changes without going through the whole ordeal of a divorce...for us that would mean me moving back to the states...a HUGE decision. How old are your kids? Does he know how you feel? Maybe you can try counseling? I'm looking into that too. I think I am falling out of love with him and don't know where to go. He has been clueless about my feelings for the last 5-6 months even though we have had our talks. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:39 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • OP- anon9:39 i have a 3 year old daughter. i have tried and tried and the thing is he knows i don't believe in divorce. but i thought that if i left for a while that maybe he'd kinda get the picture. we've talked but it's like talking to a brike wall. i too feel like i am falling out of love with him. this has been going on for the past 2 years and i feel like i am a single mother.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:43 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • For me, no. This is my life. BUT, the difference is that he works as an otr truck driver. So he's gone a considerable amount of the time. However, he does this to support us. I am currently having no luck finding a job, and his job pays the bills. So, while he is gone, I do all the child rearing, cleaning, cooking, house repairs, anything that needs to be done, I do it. When he's home, it's only a couple of days, so I try to let him relax, I try to make sure we get to do fun, family stuff together. So, I (we) chose to have a life where he doesn't do much around the house, but that's b/c he does so much otherwise. In your situation, I would first make sure I didn't just ask for help, but ask for specific help - can you take out the trash, clean the bathroom, load the dishwasher, whatever. If that still didn't change it...well, if you're living like a single parent anyway, might as well make it true.
    tropicalmama

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:49 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I'm sorry that's got to be rough. I bet you feel like pulling your hair out... stress is never good. An unsupportive hubby is no good either.... My recommendations:

    COMMUNICATION... ( Have you tried telling him how stressed you are? How it makes you feel when he doesn't help? ) In this case you have to be very direct about your feelings.

    THINK..... ( If he made changes would you stay? If so, maybe counseling would help the two of you. )

    "Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction."- Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    I'm sorry for what you're going through right now. That would be hard. Do what you can to fix what you can, and if he's unwilling to participate, then I'd say leaving him is best.

    Good luck I hope everything works out the way you wish them to.

    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 9:49 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Yeah, I would probably make him leave for a while, I'd hold my ground where I was at though. Make him realize what he'd have to do if he didn't have you to do it for him. Are you a SAHM? I know some men think that they don't need to help if the wife stays at home, still not fair however. I'm a stay at home mom and my husband is gone 5 weeks at a time, my job is 24 hours, he gets time off to sleep in or do what he wants, he does help when he gets home, sometimes even sends me out to have some me time. Good luck to you, hopefully he wakes up. Divorce should be a last resort though, seperate first.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:50 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • OP- sometimes it just feels like i am holding on to nothing. i mean it's even been 3 months since we've made love and i feel so unpretty, worthless because i can't seem to catch up on anything because their is so much to do,and totally alone. if i didn't have my daughter i probably would have left.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:12 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

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