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How do I get my stepson on board with the rules of the house?

Please don't tell me to get his father to hold him accountable. I know he should be the one enforcing the rules but he won't. As his mom..(stepmom) how can I make him understand that he needs to pitch in and do his part. It was not until after I married my DH that I learned that they lives in a gross enviroment. I am appalled of what I heard. They went through several maids because their house was so gross. The kids seldom had friends over because of how dirty and cluttered it was. Family would stay in hotels on visits. (told to me by my husband's brothers) They had to hang curtains to block off certain parts of their house because it was so horrible. So now my step son thinks he can live in nastiness over here. If I ask him to clean up he tells everyone I am mean and throws a fit. (he is 17) This has been going on for a while. He puts gum under they keyboard to the computer. He Throws wrappers from his food on the floor. Cont

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:29 PM on Mar. 25, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (3)
  • He hardly ever hits the toliet when using the restroom. He leaves a trail of clothes when he get off the bus. He won't clean up his mess if he comes downstairs for an evening snack. Every time I ask him to clean he tells me he does not know how. He also says that I should not have to clean since he is a guest. I spend all day Sunday cleaning his room when he leaves.. I love the kids but he gets so rude and disrespectful when I ask him to help. Is there an easier way? I have let the little things go like, making his bed and putting his clothes in the laundry room. He has no idea what chores mean. He already resents me for making him"work" I can't punish him or there is a major fight. He is fine along as I never bother him but the moment I need him to help out, clean or do chores he turns into a monster. His dad does nothing. My kids are getting upset because they feel he gets an easy ride.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:36 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I hate to break the news to you, but- Your kids are right; your step-son is getting a Free Ride! (Sorry!) He needs to help out just like everyone else does- You are just going to have to lay the law down & tell him what you expect out of him when he he there- It doesn't sound like you are asking to much out of him, he needs to respect you & your house- You should not settle for anything less- whether Dad backs you or not- Believe Me, i understand that this is alot easier said than done- i am a step-mom & raised both of my step-sons- i have been through it ALL! Blending families is So Hard & it is so overwhelming when everyone is not on the same page but, you have got to take up for yourself and draw the line some where- Maybe it is time to have a Family Meeting to go over the rules of your house- Wishing you lots of luck! Take Care
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 10:56 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • He was taught a certain way was normal and now you want to snap your fingers and make his world change? It doesn't happen like that. You are going to need help from a counselor on behavior modification and it will be slow going to train him the way you want him. Sad that you can't just accept him bc you are going to cause damage trying to change him. It makes him think you don't like him which is why he's rebelling. He probably likes himself and hates change. He sees you as the demon that came in and ruined his life. Lighten up. If you trained dad to jump through your hoops then maybe you can train step son. You sound like you like training dogs to do things your way. Can we say Control Freak?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:19 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

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