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What is the best age to talk to your child about them being adopted?

My fiancee' kinda just became my sons father and his biological father is not in the picture at all per my wishes. Right now my son, Braden is only 2 but I know in the future the topic of his wondering why he is darker than Mommy, daddy & Sissy will come up. So when would be the best time to explain the situation to him? Ladies please give me your input it very much appriciated. thank you!

Answer Question
 
ashnbra1

Asked by ashnbra1 at 11:02 PM on Mar. 25, 2010 in Adoption

Level 4 (34 Credits)
Answers (13)
  • NOW
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:09 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I would start now. Just talk about his new daddy picking him out special. He isn't homemade by your husband , but, was handpicked special. Secretly tell him that is better. Make is fun, ok and not taboo. He will appreciate you for that later. If you wait...it will not be good. My sonnever had a dad, but, I talked about it and he has never asked about it and he is fine with it. Because I started early with him

    I love your son's name BTW, mine is 14y/o. LOL
    BradenIsMySon

    Answer by BradenIsMySon at 11:10 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • As soon as possible. Tell him that your fiance loves him and wants to be like his daddy even though he isn't his real father. He's too young obviously to know how babies are made, but you can tell him that there are all kinds of families, including ones that have one parent, 2 parents, adopted kids, cousins, grandparents etc. As long as he always feels loved, it is good for him to know the truth early. Never hide it from him or avoid his questions, and give him short answers that are age appropriate and to the point so he can understand and not be confused or feel like you are keeping it a secret.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • whenever (if ever) he asks, tell him. my middle child is the result of a violent rape, and his appearance makes it fairly obvious that my husband is not his biological father. i'm sure he'll ask some day. i plan on telling him the bare minimum about how he came to be. i think in situations like this, it's best to let the child guide the conversation. answer any questions vaguely enough to halt further curiosity, but thoroughly enough to satisfy them. ie"why is my skin different?" -because you have a different father. "isn't daddy my father?" -no. daddy is your daddy. sometimes children have both, and that's ok. i know it's an extremely difficult situation, but i can almost guarantee it's harder on you than it ever will be on him, especially if he has a daddy who loves him.

    bestmommyeber

    Answer by bestmommyeber at 11:13 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • I am adopted by mom and dad start when he is three that is when they told me and be honest as honest as you can tell him about his bio dad and tell him about your fiancee and how he is there to be a part of his life. but as he gets older its best to tell him the truth all along. It helps.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 11:21 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • NOW--not a moment later....this from someone who was adopted...
    sweetbean

    Answer by sweetbean at 11:55 PM on Mar. 25, 2010

  • Now. You talk about how daddy adopted him, or is going to adopt him. You all take a picture together with the judge when the adoption is finalized etc. When he gets older and asks other question about skin color etc. you answer them honestly.
    maggiemom2000

    Answer by maggiemom2000 at 12:21 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Quoting OP-My fiancee' kinda just became my sons father and his biological father is not in the picture at all per my wishes.


    It doesn't sound like to me that he IS adopted. It sounds as though your boyfriend is filling "dad's" shoes, but if his biological father's right's haven't been terminated, and if your BF hasn't signed legal paperwork (which is usually reserved for DH's and even then-serious thought should be given to this), then I think what you are concerned about is the "race" of your son. You are concerned about "skin color" and you WILL have to answer some questions about this, but I agree to let your son lead the conversation.  

    doodlebopfan

    Answer by doodlebopfan at 1:41 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • now.. i was adopted they waited till i was alot older and it mad thing very bad
    treysmama06

    Answer by treysmama06 at 11:44 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Is he adopted????? It doesn't sound like he is from your question.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:00 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

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