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what is WRONG with me?!

i love DS. i really, truly do.. but for the last few days- i just dont want to be around him/be his mom. or a mom- at all. i dont want to spend time with him, or get him his food/drinks (he's been getting his drinks since he was 3- but sometimes he wants me to do it.. but since he was THREE?! i thought that he was just learning/maturing.. but i think its b/c he was kind of forced to get his own stuff cuz i wouldnt?!- i dunno, i question it now :-/).

i dont get any breaks from him. i dont get any me time- not even showers anymore. at least, thats how i feel. if i want him to, he'll be off playing video games, watching tv or outside on the back porch and he wont really "bother"/ask me for anything-- but he still bothers me when he talks to me. but i dont get time AWAY from him- like how can i miss you if you wont go away!?

i know- i'm a shitty mom. i want to change it, be a good mom- but i feel so helpless.

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 1:44 AM on Mar. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (19)
  • like WTF is a good mom? and how do i be a "good mom"? i know a good mom spends time with her kids--- and i dont want to. a good mom doesnt get upset at her kids for the stupidest things-- like walking too slow, or talking-- but i still get upset over that shit.

    i really question if i'm the best mom for my DS. i know that someone could/WOULD do better.. but i cant give him up. he's 4. he'll miss me, i'll miss him... i dont even get a weekend like some single moms when their kids go to visit their dads. i cant give him up- i'm too selfish and i know it.

    what do i do? how do i change it? i cant go to the docs b/c they wont allow him into the office-- the whole H1N1 thing and toddlers being there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:46 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Can you get a babysitter for a night (Grandma) or someone maybe a night out would do you some good! Find some girlfriends and just go out and have fun! Sounds like you are very stressed!

    G/l Momma

    Answer by cutie_pie200619 at 1:55 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • OMG are you for real? Did you give birth to this child? If so then you need some help like seriouse help. Thats so sad and I dont even know what else to say except I wish I could give your child the love he deserves cause no one deserves to have a mom that cant even stand the sight of them. You must have some type of deep depresion,I would seek some help asap even if you dont think you need it. Thats is not normal for you to feel that way and actually its very scary to me that a mom would think of ther child like that. You say how can I miss him if he never goes away?HES YOUR CHILD, HE DOESNT HAVE TO GO AWAY OR EVEN NEED TO!! Where do you want him to go? My son is a little over 3 and has only been away from me a few times and only once stayed the night with grandpa and I will never do it again cause I cant stand being away from my son and cried my heart out that night. My husband feels the exact same way, we feel empty wo him.

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 2:00 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • lol thats the thing-- when i am away from DS, i stress. i have panic attacks, i get suicidal (why live if i dont have DS by my side?).. its just bad when he's not around. i mean, i can go to class and stuff b/c i HAVE to- but sometimes i gotta take him with me b/c of those issues-- him NOT being around.

    and i have no friends. literally. all of the people in my cell is from like 5 years ago- i dont even talk to them anymore... or they are doctors or stores. other than CM- i literally talk to NO ADULTS. i've tried play groups- but i can never go back for a second attempt, i cant talk to other parents- its just hard. once i was able to be friendly with this lady and her 2 kids (4 and 2)-- we went to her 2 y/o's bday and that was in Dec.. i havent talked to her since, and it just seems weird now to call her and ask if she wants to get the kids together 4 months later.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • i know i need help, but i cant get it.. to get to a therapist- i need a referal from the docs.. to get an appt from the docs, i need to get someone to take DS b/c they- the docs- wont allow a child into the doctor's office- they will make you cancel the appt and make a new one if you walk in with a child.

    i dont know what to do- i feel like i'm going in circles with this and its so frustrating.

    and that saying how can i miss you if you wont go away- is actually something i read on a shirt a long time ago-- i havent really thought of that towards DS, but i do wonder-- would i be a better mom if i was allowed some "free" time-- not just getting him to someone else, but actually allowing myself to be free from the panic attacks when he's NOT around? does that even make sense? :-( like i said- its like going in circles.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:07 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • "I cant stand being away from my son and cried my heart out that night. My husband feels the exact same way, we feel empty wo him."


    Oh yea, like that's the perfect example of "normal". Cut OP some slack, it's normal to feel exactly what she's feeling if she's isolated like she is.

    Op, get out get out get out. Go for walks, talk to your doctor, make a change.


    Answer by legalmommy101 at 2:10 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Cut her some slack? Ummm that would be a negative because Im being honest with her and not telling her what she wants to hear. As far as your comment about me crying when my son leaves me to go stay over night for the first time, my heart is still beating how about yours? There are many parents out there who leave there kids to go on vacation or just have a night out on the town and thats ok if thats what works for them but for my husband and I our son is our life and when hes not around we dont feel like were having fun. Our trip would be way to quiet for us and we would just be thinking about what our son was doing the whole time. Call it what you want but when we feel the need to have mommy and daddy night out then we will do just that but I would never feel like I have to do that to get away from my child. For the OP I would say try and find another doc cause I have never heard of them not allowing your child in there w/u

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 2:26 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • And why do you choose to not have any friends or even get out of the house? Your not on house arrest I dont think so try even taking your son to the park anything to get out and get a fresh breath of air. Im a stay at home mom and only truly have one friend but we dont get togeather as much so I understand the need to be around other people. I however look at things a bit differently, I play with my son and take him outside on his swing set to keep bussy. We do paintings, drawings, he loves to just cut paper lol and his favorite is playdoe. So stop waisting time doing nothing, thats just going to make you more depressed and plus your son isnt going to be this young forever so make memories with and for him. I really hope you get some help with how your feeling though because there is something very wrong with how your feeling. Your child is apart of you and always will be so do what you need to do to fix things. GL

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 2:32 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • landonsmommy: i totally understand what you are saying. i dont want any slack. i know that a good old ass whooping can be helpful, even if its just a verbal one :-) no worries on my side. but i'm somewhat the same like you-- when DS isnt around, its not right. see a previous reply, if you havent already.. but when he is around, i just dont want to be bothered.

    its like i cannot find a happy middle ground- one side of the spectrum is not wanting to be around DS.. the other side is not being able to function withOUT DS. I just really dont know what the F is wrong with me!

    i try to go out with him, but it really doesnt help any. we have a park up the road, but even there- i dont want to be bothered. and friends-- i literally cannot have friends. i've NEVER had a friend my entire life. ever. i just dont relate to anyone and partially- i think thats my problem- when DS gets older, he'll be an "adult" and i wont relate.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:42 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I dont mean to sound corny but did you go through something as a child that would make you so insecure about being around other people? I will admit I am a bit insecure when it comes to other adults but thats because I havnt worked for years now so I have been taken out of the world in a way to be a stay at home mom. But when I did work I got along with everyone and loved to talk to the girls at work and even went out with a few of them, hell thats how I met one of my really good friends of course were not friends any more because I became a mother and he was still living the fast life we just didnt mesh well any more. Being around other adults makes you feel alive its just finding the right ones that you have things in common with. I love when my sons speech therapist comes out once or twice a week cause thats really the only time I have adult interaction but thts all I need right now but you dont have that so its important

    Answer by LANDENSMOMMYlmk at 3:03 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

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