Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Anyone have problems with their mother and how do you deal with that?

I have had many issues with my mother for many years. It just has become worse over the past five years to the point that I get irritated talking to her. Our relationship has been strained, but I guess she didn't know why till last week when It all blew up last week while I was in the hospital having a baby of all times. I haven't head from her since cause she started to cry and hung up on me. I didn't want to hurt her, but I was full of hormones and emotion and it all just came out. So without getting into the history, how do you deal with issues like this?

Answer Question
 
Roisin07

Asked by Roisin07 at 8:34 AM on Mar. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 13 (985 Credits)
Answers (23)
  • not with my mom but i have had many problems with my dad through the years...i just decided to not talk to him anymore.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:38 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I just made myself realize : you can't change the past and you can't make someone or wish someone was something they are not. You just have to accept how someone is and deal with it.

    kjfamily

    Answer by kjfamily at 8:39 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • when i was younger i did have problems with my mom but since ive grown up some we are more like friends and i understand her more
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 8:39 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I go to counseling to learn to deal with her. With mine if you don't tell her to stop in a mean way she wont. GOOD LUCK I hope you find some thing.
    hot-mama86

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 8:41 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I had to go through several years of therapy to learn how to deal with my mom. She was emotionally abusive my whole life. She is a manipulator and tries to control everyone with guilt. Counseling helped me a lot. I learned to set up healthy boundaries. I can now talk to my mom without getting upset, hurt, frazzled, etc. because I no longer grant her power over me. It takes counseling to get to this point because it's not natural tohave a mom you can't trust, rely on, and share with. The work I did in counseling was well worth it because I can now 100% be my kids' mother instead of trying so hard to still earn my mom's love and approval which was creating a tug of war between my mom and my family with my husband and kids.

    I'm in a healthy happy place because I let go of my mother. My sister is still in a codependent relationship with her and thus in a very unhappy and unproductive place.
    ThrivingMom

    Answer by ThrivingMom at 9:00 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Well it sounds like you need to have a sit down heart to heart wtih your Mom. Remember when we have children we dont get handed a manual on how to be a parent let alone raising the child. We learn from what we were done as children ourselves. Some have changed the things their parents did for their children. Trying to break a bad pattern or cycle. Its not easy to forgive when you have issues from your past. Then to come out with it during an emotional physical time. UGh! Not good nor do I think it was intentional whatsoever. Yet you do need to talk to your Mom. Make her realize some of the things were bothering you and something triggered it when you were having the grandchild who I am sure you may wish for her to be a part of that childs life. I have found out that I am better as a parent to my own grandchildren thanks to my children. I have apologized for any wrongs done to them. Hope this helps as it was meant too.
    CloudWeaver

    Answer by CloudWeaver at 9:04 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I have actually disowned my mother. The problems that we have, can not be resolved.
    offrdngal

    Answer by offrdngal at 9:14 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Life is different for us all, as parents we hopefully try to do the best we can, babies don't popout with a handbook..lol.. be nice if we all did ha? I don't have a spectacular relationship with my mom, I try to understand but I'm able to pull away when I feel myself starting to get to emotionally stressed over a MOM situation.My mom took care of 3 girls on her own, I know it wasn't easy no state or food stamps and my father was no help.So she did what she had to, she had 2 jobs all the time, I was on my own.It took me having my own children and differences to come to a common ground with her.We are different so I try to make the best of what is today.
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 9:23 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I used to stress A LOT now it is less.My sister has a better,still not great,relationship with her.my sister and therapy helped me realize while Ia m far from perfect my mom is mean to all adult relatives especially me..It was pointed out to me that when angered,put out ,thinks she is right whatever she ratchets it up till she draws blood.There is no limit on the things she will say to try to get me, mostly, to my knees.So I talk to her by phone once a week and have to go if she starts.She had minor day surgery,took her,waited,home, got meds and dinner for her and stayed till my sister got there.We do celebrate holidays together with the whole family.About 5 times a year I meet her for lunch.The grandchildren are old enough to have an occasional Sun.afternoon visit alone.HA as my oldest is out of college he is choosing to put her at arms length also..foolish foolish woman.Arms length if you can tolerate that.

    drfink

    Answer by drfink at 9:41 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • ok, so my mom is dead now, all most 2 years...but we had an awful relationship. The only thing you can really do is decide if it's right for you. If you simply cannot bear her any longer (which happens) be sure to tell her EVERYTHING you feel you need to say, that way, should something happen to either one of you, you have no regrets. I had to make the choice to take my mother off of life support. That was super hard. But I spent about a week beforehand at her bedside, pouring my lil heart out, good bad and in between. When She did pass,I felt like I had made my peace with her and honestly, said all I needed to say. That's the most important part.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:04 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN