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What do you do when every time you and DH get in an argument he brings up divorce?
We have kids so in retrospect he doesn't want divorce.
Asked by Anonymous at 10:45 AM on Mar. 26, 2010 in Relationships
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My husband did that our first 3 years of marriage. You cannot rationlize with a man when he's angry because his brain is wired differently. When a man is angry, his fight or flight response gets activated and that causes the part of his brain that is responsible for logic and reasoning to shut down. So, don't try to reason with him in the heat of the moment. Instead, when things are calm and good between the two of you discuss the topic then. Let him know that you are a family and your kids depend on the two of you to have a healthy marriage and that it's very hurtful when he mentions divorce every time you two have a disagreement. Tell him that you both need to be 100% committed to this marriage, agree that divorce is not an option, and that the word should never be mentioned again.
After I had a calm talk like that with my husband he never mentioned divorce again. We've been married for 11.5 years now.
Answer by ThrivingMom at 11:00 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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That wouldn't happen. We both agreed in the beginning that you don't use the word unless you plan on following through. To us it is disrespectful to use it as a empty threat/scare tactic.
Answer by anetrnlov at 10:46 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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I'd tell him to stop it and fight fair.
Answer by admckenzie at 10:50 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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He could be making fun of the argument or then again he could be trying to tell you he's really wanting a divorce. Men don't normally bring up the "D" word casually like that. Is he seeing someone else? Maybe that way he could tell her he tells you he wants a divorce and isn't lying to her.
Answer by Anonymous at 10:51 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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I totally agree with anetrnlov! That is just something that should not be said in a marriage unless you mean it! My ex-husband used to do it all the time. It drove me crazy and we eventually did divorce (my decision not his). He probably doesn't know how to communicate his feelings very well and is maybe a little insecure. I think everyone should have "rules" for arguing. Set the rules when you are NOT fighting.
Answer by rlhall1980 at 10:52 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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(cont'd)
My husband told me that he never meant it when he brought up divorce. He said he mentioned it just to intentionally hurt me because he wanted to win the argument.
Answer by ThrivingMom at 11:01 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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I'd tell him that if says he wants one, he'll get one. Tell him that "Divorce" isn't a word that you want just tossed around in your marriage. Tell him that if he says it again, you're going to automatically assume that he means it, and will give him what he wants. Telling your spouse that you want a divorce doesn't win arguments, it helps to end marriages.
Answer by -xoxo- at 11:06 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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My husband doesn't and would not bring up divorce in an argument.
Answer by Anonymous at 11:11 AM on Mar. 26, 2010
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