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I feel guilty but know that it's the right thing....

Without going into complete detail of family history, I'll just say this: I live 1600 miles away from my family. I moved 7 years ago so I could better myself. It worked, I met and married my husband, had 2 kids and now don't even smoke cigarettes let alone do drugs like I did when I was living back home. My mom is a severe alcoholic. My sister(4 yrs older than I am) literally got up and walked out of her 2 kids' lives, 3 YEARS AGO! She's in a halfway house currently. There are other issues, but these have to do with my question. Since my sister has been in treatment she and I have talked almost daily(I have to call her of course...she does have her cell phone). I sent a package 2 weeks after she got there. Daily affirmation book, cigs, money, full book of stamps, and other various items. I've not gotten so much as a "thanks" since then. Not a letter, even though I provided the stamps...Cont...


Asked by Anonymous at 11:36 AM on Mar. 26, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (4)
  • It is hard to draw that line with family because we feel guilty and end up enabling the problem. Search your heart and do what is best for her recovery adn for your family as well. Don't go just cause she wants you too. Think about what message it sends if you go or if you dont go. Only you will know what is right. Seems like you have made up your mind but you feel bad and wish it could be the other way. Sometimes tough love hurts but it may be necessary.

    Answer by ria7 at 11:52 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Next month, my husband and I are driving there for a friend's wedding. My sister wants me to visit. She isn't even close to where we will be. Here's the thing, I've known her my whole life. I really feel that she's not taking her situation seriously. I know that I may sound like a bitch or whatever, but that's because I can't get into everything. I've dealt with rehab. I currently work in a drug/alcohol treatment facility. I can tell when people are getting honest, she isn't. Each time we talk, she just keeps asking me to send her more stuff. She even asked me for 3K so she could buy a car! Yet, she hasn't paid but $200 child support in the last 3 years!

    I do love her. I do want her to get better and become the sister she used to be. Be the mother she used to be. So, me sitting by, listening to her talk about having phone sex with another male patient, sickens me. I don't think I'm going to visit her. What do you think?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Just give her time... dont do things for others because you want recognition do it because it makes you feel good and keep doing it to make you feel better
    and congrats on your new life that YOU did for yourself!

    Answer by MELRN at 11:40 AM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • So, I do know what you are saying, but I don't do anything for anyone with any kind of expectations. I don't do it for anything but because I care. Thing is, I feel that she is taking advantage of me. She always has. It is sad to say that I know deep in my heart that if I would ever need her, I know I couldn't expect any type of support from her. Moral or otherwise. My mom is the same way. My husband had cancer and was going through chemo and radiation 2 years ago and I was doing it all by myself. Working, kids, medications, doctors appointments, etc. I guess I just am sick of being hurt by them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:50 AM on Mar. 26, 2010