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Has anyone been in a relationship with abuse, stayed, and the abuse stopped, and the marriage worked out?

Just what it says.

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BeanIrene1

Asked by BeanIrene1 at 2:01 PM on Mar. 26, 2010 in Relationships

Level 5 (80 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • Nope.
    It doesn't stop. It always gets worse.
    I've been in two abusive relationships, and things never get better or stop, they just continue to get worse and worse until you either leave, they die, or you die.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:10 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • yes, my parents but trust me my mom told me that if she was more smarter before she will divorced my father but now it's to late they are old and they i don't think they love each other but they make each other company, so mom told me one's a man hits you divorce him even though you love him so much i was kind of yeah right! but i'm married thank God he is not a hitter or drunker, cheater he is a good man but trust me if he would be those kind of mens i will divorce him immediately because i will like to have a healthy marriage with a lot of love because i would get married just to be a punch bag and be hitted every time the fellow want to make exercise hell no i would rather live alone that with someone bringing pain, being scared and having low selfsteem, so girl make the right choice because we are just passing thru this world and nobody knows when is it gonna last so live life like there will be no tomorrow
    Milindus

    Answer by Milindus at 2:13 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Nope. I never have and I don't personally know anyone who has.

    That's not to say it never could work, I just don't think the odds are very good.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 2:15 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • kind of... my husband wasn't constantly abusive though. he wasn't one of those extremes that you imagine when you think of an abusive husband. it was just when our arguments got way too heated that he would lay his hands on me. he never hit me closed fist, but i have been slapped, pushed up against a wall, pushed down to the floor, put in a restraining choke (not to cut off my oxygen,) and this was all during a rough patch in our marriage that lasted about 6months to a year. but it's not like that anymore. i can't speak for the future though. but for now, we've been happy & peaceful and it's been about a year since any of the hostility has dominated out marriage. i

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:16 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • My husband didn't Abuse me before we got married but....... He was Extremly Jealous & Tried to Control my Every move- That is still a form of Abuse though- I finally could not take it anymore & left him- He begged, pleaded & said he would do whatever if i would come back; i told him if he meant it he would go to counseling to work on these issues- It really surpised me when he did- I came back after 3 months & we went to counseling together for a year before we got married- He still has his Little Flaws-(they all do!) But, he did a 95% turn around- We just celebrated our 15th Anniversary- I am very blessed & thankful that everything turned out for me but, So Many are not that lucky- It takes alot of work for someone to change their Abusive Behavior & they have to really want to do it- Wishing you lots of luck-
    daisyb

    Answer by daisyb at 2:20 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I was not married to him, thank God, but I did stay for over 2 1/2 abuse filled years. It only got worse. Every time he said he would stop, it always started up again. The addiction, violence, jealousy did not end until I left and that was running out the door when his back was turned and begging a neighbor to call the police. I should have left one morning for work before he was awake or passed out drunk and never went back. My therapist said her agency had never had one success story trying to rehabilitate those men. That spoke volumes. Even doctors admit there is no cure for that.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:27 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • No, abuse only escalates. They get a thrill out of the abuse. It's like a drug where they have to have more to maintain the adrenalin high from doing it. That's why it has to escalate....to maintain. I'm guessing there are a few stories with happier endings but I'm sure it was with lots of therapy and/or outside support (which most abusers won't accept). Good luck though
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:44 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • p.s. I was talking about the ABUSER getting thrill NOT the one being abused.
    admckenzie

    Answer by admckenzie at 2:45 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • yeah after i turned him in and he faced jail time, but only got a fine and community service and court ordered counseling. i helped him though it and we are very happy as a whole-- sometimes it takes the right motivation to get someone to stop. of course my husband wasnt an all out asshole he just had anger issues that stemmed from an abusive childhood that he never talked about
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • It's very very very rare that someone can stop. Usually the abuser changes it up in the face of consequence but almost always reverts back to the behavior. I personally don't know of any cases that have recovered but I can count a ton that haven't. Just because he doesn't hit, but shoves or yells or is controlling means he's still an abuser.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:17 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

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