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Would you refuse to let your child hang around with kids that do drugs?

My 12yr old has told us that several of his friends do drugs. He insists they don't 'push' him to do drugs and that he wouldn't do them but I'm afraid eventually he will get curious. Would you have a problem with him hanging around with these kids or would you tell him he can't see them anymore? His Dad thinks if we restrict him he might shut down and not tell us anything anymore.

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:31 PM on Mar. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • That's a tough one for sure.
    The fact that your son has been open and honest with you is a good thing. I also agree that if you ban him from seeing them it might make him resentful and have him make some not-so-good decisions.

    You can express to him that it makes you uncomfortable that he hangs around with them while they're doing drugs. Continue to talk to him about drugs and the harm they do.

    Keeping the lines of communication open is extremely important. He needs to feel confident that he CAN come to you about these sorts of things without being judged or persecuted or else he WILL seek advice elsewhere and it might not be the advice you'd want given to him.

    It sounds to me like you have a good, level headed kid. :)
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 5:35 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • i will never allowmy children will never hang out with people who do drugs because i dont want my children doing it but sadly most will get curious and try it regardless of what we do or say. You tell him he cant hang out with those kids then they'll be like that tempting piece of cake you tell your child not to touch until after dinner. They still want it and may try to get a taste of it behind your back.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 5:33 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Honestly, I don't think you can prevent kids nowadays from being around drugs one way or the other. I think the best you can do is teach your kids why doing drugs just isn't very bright, and hope they will get the message. From the sound of it, your son feels comfortable coming to you with subjects like that, which is great! I do believe your husband has a point, if you forbid him to talk to these kids, he could just shut you out and do it anyway... However, if I was in that situation, I would also tell him those kids were not welcome at my house, because I don't condone what they're doing.
    Anouck

    Answer by Anouck at 5:35 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • That's tough, I feel he eventually WILL try them and maybe THESE friends don't pressure him but some of thier friends might eventually.. It just tends to happen.. what does he have in common with kids who do drugs then at this age? they all have to try to sneak around, get Money for the drugs which probably means steal for them.. I don't think I'd want my son around him, warn him of all the situations of this.. restricting him just might make him mad that he was honest with you in the first place but still, the odds of him not trying them are not that great.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:35 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I can see where you are very concerned and I would be too. A possible solution would be that if he going to hang out with them it has to be at your house when you are home? Peer pressure is a powerful thing. The best part is he came to you and told you! He trusts you and wanted you to know.
    Lifes-A-Dance

    Answer by Lifes-A-Dance at 5:35 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Outside of school those kids would be OFF LIMITS! I have a 13 year old and she HAS lost friends on account of us not allowing her to do things that are wildly inappropriate just because her friends were doing them. I feel bad about this, but I think she does understand it is in her best interest. I actually heard another girl bragging to her about all the crap her dad let her do/have, and my daughter told her that wasn't necessarily a good thing. She KNOWS we are protecting her, and she appreciates it. Saying they will eventually be exposed and try it is no excuse. Your kids should know that you DISAPPROVE of this behavior 100% with no exceptions. Tell your son you are proud of him for resisting peer pressure and being more mature than his buddies, but don't let him hang out with them. Keep the good friends who are good influences and ditch the rest.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:43 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • How did he get wrapped up with these drug kids in the first place? At 12? If his friends are doing drugs it's only a matter of time that he does them. I realize you can't control who he hangs with at school but you can certainly prevent him from seeing them after school. Just keep the communication open and keep an eye on him.
    Orionsgirl

    Answer by Orionsgirl at 5:45 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Maybe you can encourage him to get new friends. Even if they don't push the drugs on him,eventually he may be curious enough to try it. Thats a tough situation. But you guys are the parents, sometimes as parents we have to make the better decision for our kids,no matter how we think they make react. I'd say no to letting him hanging around the kids with the drugs. By you guys allowing him to do so he may take that as a silent approval of him giving them a try. Good Luck!
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 5:57 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I would not let them hang around kids who do drugs. That is asking for trouble. People make the mistake of assuming their children reason at the level of adults. Their brains are not wired that way and being able to make sound decisions come with time and age. Even us adults struggle with making tough decisions and we all know that hanging around people who are no good is not the best thing to do. Besides to me that is quite young to be doing drugs. I would wonder about their parents a little and see what they're doing to help their kids.

    SylviaNCali

    Answer by SylviaNCali at 6:12 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I'm sorry, this is not tough. Forbid it and explain why. I was the exact product of which you fear and where did I start my drug use? With my pals in high school. And it didn't end until I was around 25. I've been there and I know how I'm handling it with my kids. Trust me when I say it just isn't worth it. Would be better to switch schools, redirect his free time into cool classes or help him cultivate any interest he may have. I'm just speaking from experience but I suppose only you know your son. I did not spearhead the drug use, I followed.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:25 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

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