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What is the "norm" for stepkids and thier bdays?

I have teenage stepkids.Thier mom throws them a big bday party for each of them every year. I throw the big parties every year for my bio kids at home. I always ask DH if he wants to throw his kids parties to, but he always says no,but I always feel bad because I do so much for my bio kids on thier bday and I feel like my step kids feel kinda "shafted" on the whole bday thing. I know that my bio kids dad does not throw our kids a bday party either, he just buys them a gift.
So what is the norm on this? Should I feel bad or do you think thier mom throwing them thier party is enough? I scrape up the money and pay for everything for my kids parties,DH doesnt give me any money for it,I wouldn't ask him to. I don't know, what do you guys think?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 5:47 PM on Mar. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (10)
  • They don't need two big parties, but something special for them is needed. A dinner, taking them somewhere or to do something they want to do.. just something.
    ohsowonderful

    Answer by ohsowonderful at 5:58 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • since they're teens, how about you ask them how they feel about it, and what they would like you to do for their birthday... they're your family now too, so you should treat them the same you treat your own....
    gracefulsky

    Answer by gracefulsky at 5:56 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Unless you all attend the party at their mom's house, I'd at least have cake and their favorite meal the next time they were over. Two parties might be over-doing it, but I think they might appreciate an ackowledgement of some sort at their dad's house too.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:57 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • i say you should atleast do something special. i know the mom probably does the big party because all the friends are able to come for them but you should atleast recognize their bdays and get them a nice cake and celebrate with the fam. Maybe let them pick a place to go to dinner or a meal they would like cooked.
    shay1130

    Answer by shay1130 at 5:58 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • Oh yeah, we always make them a special dinner of thier own choice and do the cake thing,but its just us, not a big party.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:00 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I have 2 bio kids and 2 step kids. They are all treated equally when at our house. If one gets something they all do, nobodys party or any other holiday is any different then the others. Its the only way to prevent any jealousy and hard feelings.
    formykids373

    Answer by formykids373 at 6:07 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I think if you attend bio mom's party then some acknowledging it would be nice. ask bio mom how she feels about it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:08 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • My step daughter always gets 2 celebrations for everything, birthday, holiday's, christmas...we do the same for her as we do with our son who is the same age, whatever his present or activity is for his birthday, she will have the same option, they are both 13.
    LuvmyFam6

    Answer by LuvmyFam6 at 7:02 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • ce they're teens, how about you ask them how they feel about it, and what they would like you to do for their birthday... they're your family now too, so you should treat them the same you treat your own....

    ditto
    mommymeg03

    Answer by mommymeg03 at 7:17 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • my SO and his ex each have their own parties for the kids. BM has parties with her family (although I believe to piss us off invited his sisters this year) and SO has parties with his family. When SO and I have a party for their birthday, I invite my family to come to the party as well. I feel that my SKs are my family, and I want the rest of my family to include them as such....so we make sure that SKs can go to all holidays with SO's family, my family, and BMs family. I think they do stuff with BM's DH's family as well....not sure how it all works for her.

    I did not have children before I got involved with SO. However, we have a daughter now. We do our best to treat all the kids the same....this includes b-day parties. also, we share money....so my money helps support his kids as well. i think its wierd for a parent not to have a party for their kids birthdays for their family to come to....
    aly38914290

    Answer by aly38914290 at 8:42 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

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