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are you a step mom that wants the step kids out of your life?

You hear all the time about fathers that seem to have forgotten their kids. I personally could never see brushing a child aside. If I was a step mom I wouldn't let any new husband of mine get away with it either! the kids didn't ask to be born- they aren't a pair of shoes you can just get rid of when you are done with them.
heck, when I was in a long term relationship with a man with kids the ex thought I was a pain because I thought too much of her kids.
if you are a step mom that wants your so/husband to not have much to do with his kids why? (not that it's the Step mom's fault all the time, there just aren't many dads on here that I know of- )

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:28 PM on Mar. 26, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (9)
  • That is sad, There are also the stepmoms that love to listen to the bull said by their husband and try to interfer with the BM rights.
    Both types are pathetic.
    I have never met a step mom tho that was actually nice to all parties.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:33 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I know what you mean. There are a ton of step parents that just want the kids from a previous marriage to go away. Personally if I were either party in that situation I would be seriously disturbed by my new spouse's actions. Nobody lied to them, they knew kids were involved and if they don't love the kids and treat them as their, as well as except that they will and should always be second in the eyes of parent maybe they shouldn't have gotten married.
    mrsjonzy

    Answer by mrsjonzy at 9:33 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • OP- yeah, maybe I'm being sexist here, but I always wonder what the step moms are thinking in particular- I wonder what kind of women lets a man walk away or get 'too busy' for his kids? I know that sometimes things can get sticky with the step mom and Bio mom, but even if I was told to stay away (I'd still see what my rights were) I wouldn't tell their father to stay away from his kids.
    He's their father- that doesn't change just because a man starts up with a new woman-

    am I just naive?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:51 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • I have been a step mom and it is not an easy job. there is alot more to it than just loving the kids, treating them like your own and making him visit his kids or not. A wife cannot make her husband pick up his kids if he chooses not to. If HE really wanted to he would. why is the step mom blamed because he is not being a dad? Yes sometimes step parents do wish the kids would not be around due to the many issues that come up in trying to make new relationships...again it is not ALL just with the step mom. You have parents trying to get along, kids trying to get along and new relationship that are trying to build and other maybe adults interfering with each other so that they cannot be built. It is not just the step mom. My relationship with my step daughter was very difficult but we made it and now her mom and I are great friends. but there were days that were really difficult for all of us. So back off the step moms
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 PM on Mar. 26, 2010

  • OP - no, the SM can't make a man go get his kids- I was trying to not make this post sound terribly slanted- I was wondering about the stepmoms that I've read here or have talked to myself that are fine with the idea 'he's great with OUR kids' - and don't seem concerned about the others kids.
    or the posts that I see, what is he doing giving OUR money to those kids-
    I was trying to hear the side of those stepmoms that want the past to go away and want him to concentrate on his 'new life'
    and you know they are out there-I've met enough of them myself-

    Glad you made it work in your situation.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • i am not one of the step moms you are describing.....however.....because I am the kind who love my SKs like they are mine and miss them greatly because of all the crap BM pulls and I was the one doing all the doctor appointments, transportation, homework, etc.....I was very involved. I loved being involved. however, at this time, I have been forced to step back. is it in the best interest of the kids....in some ways yes, their mom is now being more involved, but she has made it more difficult for their dad to be involved and have actually kept him from getting time with them that he should have no matter the visitation....so my point is that i am not the step mom you describe, but i deal with a BM that is crappy to deal with....

    i think some SMs have trouble dealing with BMs. It is REALLY hard. and there is A LOT that goes into it. i would never want my SO to give up his kids...i wish we could just give up their mom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:47 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • also, if the kids aren't there all the time or very much, it is hard for the Dad to have the same relationship with his first kids as he does with his kids he says everyday....there is a difference. i wish i could explain better so that you could understand more where these women may be coming from. however, not being one.....all i can say is that it is VERY difficult.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:48 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I am a stepmama, and I know exactly what anon :47 is talking about, we would give up Bio mom in less than a heartbeat if we could. And YES, you can make a dad see his child, I did. I told him that ss deserves to have his father in his life and that if he wasn't going to pull his weight then I would be out the door. Bio mom at the time asked him to terminate his rights because she wouldn't allow us (before court order) any type of visitation, so then she told everyone that he DIDN'T WANT to see ss. She makes life really hard, and before you say "Well you are the other woman" WRONG, they broke up when ss was 5 months old and when I came into the picture he was 9 months old. This child is 7 now and I have seen every view of back-assword upside down, topsy turvy you can even imagine or come close to wrapping your head around. It takes a strong person to STEP UP to be a stepparent.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 10:00 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • If you want the stepkids out of your life, then you need to divorce their father and find a man who doesn't have any kids. You knew the man had kids and if you knew you didn't want the kids around or have to deal with them, then you shouldn't have entered into a relationship or marriage with a father.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 12:29 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

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