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When is the right time to have the "talk" with your preteen?

My daughter is 9 and at her last visit to the doctor he said she would be starting her period in about a year or so from the looks of her. He said I should have the talk with her about the whole process but my question is how in depth should I go, I mean should I keep it PG or go the whold nine yards and tell her about sex and pregnancy and all the other stuff that goes along with that. I remember when I was a girl my mom pulled out a book and told me all about it but I was a little older than my daughter and truthfully I was a little more in tuned with my body than she is. I am so not ready to start being the mother of a preteen. Lord give me the strength and patience. If anyone has any suggestions I sure would appreciate it. Also should I wait and have the talk with her when she actually starts her period or prepare her for it before hand so when it does happen she's not so devastated.

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Asked by dixiechic03 at 8:24 PM on Jun. 26, 2008 in Tweens (9-12)

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Answers (11)
  • I have been giving my kids who are 7 and 9 years old bits of the info and I have them watching things about babies. I would break it down to here from the get go because you don't want her getting her info in the locker room or play ground. I was a early blummer and never to early now a days to start the talk.

    Answer by Jmeredith75 at 8:45 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Prepare her, and ask her questions so you don't go too far or too in depth. Just keep an open dialogue starting now. I started talking to my dd about the birds and the bees a couple years ago. There is a book called How and When to talk to kids about sex I would recommend. GL!!

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:52 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • Prepare her for it my daughter is 11 and she started hers a year ago. And it was unsuspected and so we had the talk about her body changing and how from now on he is a young lady. Then about three months later her period we had the sex talk and I told her that the first time you will have sex,that he needs to be out of college and know what she wants in life. Because I told her I was pregnant with her at the age of 15 and it was not easy. I scared her so much but for her own good. I told her the first time you have sex it hurts. Hopefully that will last her until she gets in high school, then I will talk to her again. Did you see the question about the girl who was 14 years old a eighth grader delivered her baby in the bathroom at her middle school and they fought the baby dead with paper in it's thraot and marks on him. This world is getting crazy I know little girl that is 12 and he is pregnant. So we can pray for each other.

    Answer by dulcedelarosa at 8:53 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I would keep it PG at this point, and stick to the topic of the impending period. I wouldn't want to put too much on her at once. The period is a big enough change. You may surprised to learn that she knows a lot more about it than you think! They teach them about a lot of that stuff in school now too. I remember my dd coming home with her trial size deodorant and Always maxi pad after the "girl talk" in her fifth grade class!

    Answer by MissesV at 8:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • I say tell her now. You definitely do not want her to hear from other kids who "know" it all. Also remember to teach her that her privates are private and no one can touch them. Talk to her about sex. Tell her everything you want her to know and encourage her to ask you questions. Make her comfortable but don't gross her out. I think every parent wants to skip the teen years. Especially the puberty part.

    Answer by Queentdi at 8:54 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • There's a book that my Mom used when she had that 1st talk with me & my aunt used it for my 10 y.o. cousin...It's called "So That's Where I Come From" It's great for both boys & girls and very age appropriate, but lets lil girls know what to expect.

    Answer by charity987 at 9:02 PM on Jun. 26, 2008

  • let her know before hand then she will understand what is happening [that she is not bleeding to death]. definately go in little steps with the rest but it will be better for you to tell her than curiousity. i know from experience. mine only told me about the period but nothing else. curiousity got the best and i paid with a mistake. at that time it was a mistake bcause of no support.

    Answer by dragonbabe at 7:46 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • From the standpoint of a 21 year old who gave my sister "the talk" (shes 15 and still a virgin... hopefully it stays that way until shes 80) I didn't swamp her with "gross crap" as she calls it. I gave her all of the information that I possibly could but not all at once and not during some heart to heart. Kids feel alot more pressure in a quiet room with a parent than in a fairly secluded place with things going on around them. Most of our talks are at the park, theres lots of kids running around so if shes uncomfortable she'll point out something around us (like a child yelling at his mom or w/e) and then I know I need to move on lol. I hope this helps you.

    Answer by ChasesMommy0115 at 9:40 AM on Jun. 27, 2008

  • I don't see a problem with her hearing it somewhere else and I think you should tell her everything about sex and pregnancy.

    Answer by rockin_mom88 at 5:04 PM on Jun. 30, 2008

  • My opinion about all this is the period, go ahead and let her know about some of the things that are going to happen to her. As for the sex part, they see so much on tv and you never know what they already know. I have a ten year old son and had to have a small talk about sex and didn't go far into it. I told him that when you have sex you get a baby. (he has a 1 year old broter) So I told him if he didn't want a baby don't have sex. Not sure if this helps. Good luck

    Answer by tazzyt19 at 4:37 PM on Jul. 1, 2008

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