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Should I apologize to my Husbands secretary?

(o.k my English still bad, not my first language!)
I brought to my husbands atention that his Secretary dressed vulgar & unproper at the office, she uses vulgar language in a "funny" way to comunicate w/him, she comes over to our home (outdoors) on our Family day to show him her work. I also work there to clean the office every 2 weeks to save $, I also take my 2 toddlers w/me on that Saturday as she also is ther working. I said to him as his Wife and also from a bisness point of view he should ask her to dress disent at the office, he said it din't bother him. Her boobs r about 2 fall out her blouse, she bends over in front of him over her desk as he sits on the chair in front of her desk as she shows him somehting on her computer. It's just all around wrong! I said to him if he didn't ask her to dress dicent then I would tell her, he said "fine, she'll hate u 4 it", she is a hard worker, he said he doesn't flurt .

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:15 AM on Mar. 27, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (36)
  • I wish you all the best in your decision. Sorry things have gone so far you feel the need for divorce but it sounds like it's been a long time coming. You really do deserve to be treated better and it totally sounds like you and your feelings are at the bottom of his list of priorities. You deserve so much more and I hope you get that, good luck!!!
    Ashes0813

    Answer by Ashes0813 at 6:20 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Why would you appoligise? Did you say anything already? I am confused.
    Tf1990

    Answer by Tf1990 at 4:17 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • ME AGAIN! So he doesn't flirt w/her (he said) but I'm not so sure about her! I am 37, he is 48, she is 23 of age. He considers her a very valuebel person in the bisness. Since we made friends (not close friends) but friendly and I even had her on FACEBOOK, I thought to write her a message asking her politely to dress up properly, I wrote her plenty of complements about her job, and wrote "as a his wife and Mother of his children I think I should say this. (I know he should of established a dress code as he hired her but he didn't, aslo I asked him to say it to her and he said he wouln't so I did it. I asked her in the most polite way to dress poper, to stop texing and comunicating in a vulgar and buddy buddy way w/him and to stop showing up at my home . I even said to contac tme that i AM easy to talk to, and that I wasn't in anyway trying to hrt her, etc,etc I complemented at her job and her person so she would get it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:24 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Me AGAIN! So I honestly thought she would call me of message me back. I don't really know her so b4 I send her the message I toke a picture of it b4 sending it. The next day at about 7pm I was checking the text form er to him is she had stoped comunicating in a vulgar way (not flurting) but in a buddy buddy instead of being profeccional way. So I accidently called her, she answerd like nothing, I said to her I send her a message and to reply if she feel the nedd to do so. At 10pm my husbands friend that works for him at the same office called asking to speak to me, yelling and demanding me for an explaination as to "what the F did I do to (lets call her NANCY) I was shoked to know this Idiot that my husband often complains about that costs him $ and looses importatn court documents demanded that I give him an explaination! No body even gave me the benefit og the doubt and no chancce to explain my side!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:33 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • If you are going to do anything I would do it in person. It will be hard but to be fair the best way to maybe invite her to lunch and tell her the problems. I dont think the way she dresses is the probelm here...it is her actions!!
    IMAMOM2-2KIDS

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 4:33 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • hmm...I understand that you'd feel this way. There's been many affairs between a boss and his secretary and sometimes to the point that the boss leaves his wife. She is only 23. How valuable can she be in running a business??? Whatever they are having it has to be stopped. Don't fight with your husband but tell him it's either he lets go of his secretary or you leave him. It has to stop before the feelings run deeper. She did not have to go to your house to supposedly show him something about work. You don't have to be friendly with her. She is overstepping her boundaries. It ain't right.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:37 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • ME AGAIN! So this guy keeps calling and calling yelling at me , I keep telling him to back off, not to yell and say the F word as he speaks to me, to mind his own bisness to search for his teen doughter insted adn that is was not his situation to be in. Nancy had him call my Husband to ask if she should remain w/her job or quit? I in the message said to her "I'm not asking you not to tell my husband about this but I also don't encourage it, he is an angry man, if anything goes wrong the ones getting hurt would be our children" So by this I thought she would reallly understand me that I was being nice to ask her in a nice way, I ended w/a "I like u, I appreciate your hadr work, Please put yourself in my shoose, I hpe you understand fme from the bottom of your heart I don't mean to hurt you" And yet she whent whining to my husband risking my children. Even if it was a lie about him being an angry man she still did it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:42 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Me again! So I have my husband calling me names for him to hear and asking him to tell her not to mind me that I am crazy, and to keep her job. I feel my husband faild me, he didn't protencted me , not loyal, faithfull in protecting me from this guy. I felt it was 3 against me. I cryed lost sleep b/c my husband shamed me when I in my gut think I am right considering all! I emaild the friend, her and my husband the original message I send to her for them to realize she and the grind guy made it into a huge deal as if I was the bad guy. Atter she risking my children then I send her ugly messages but to her and the guy and my husband to see this time I was truly being ugly to her! To save her time from lieing and making up things. I feel bad for calling her names , but she really got me upset caring more about her job that even wondering if anything could hapend to me nad my children if she tolled my husband.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:51 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • ME AGAIN, ALMOST DONE! It is not my nature to be ugly to people that is why I feel bad for calling her names in massege I have gone to the office she is there and the other guy, I don't expect to be friends w/them but it feels like I am the outsider in my Husbands own office. I feel I should appologis to her for the name calling on my behalf but I hold my self back thinking waht if my husband beat me for telling her to dress properly when I asked him to and he refuced. Also I feel bad about telling this guy about his doughter but still I did it b/c he called my home to yell at me w/cuz words, not at me but demanding me for an answer insted of asking and giving me the benefit of a doubt, this guy doesn't know me, that is what even shoekd too. SO SHOULD I ASK THEM TWO TO FORGIVE ME FOR SAYING TO THEM WHAT I SAID? I WON'T FORGIVE THEM IF THEY DON'T ASK TO BE FORGIVEN JUST I FEEL BEAD ON MY BEHALF, EVEN IF WE REMAIN ENEMIES.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:58 AM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • BY THE WAY MY HUSBANDS OFFICE IS A LAW OFFICE, HE IS A LAWYER SO THAT IS WHY I THOUGHT SHE SHOULD DRESS PROPER AND BACK OFF OUR LIFES!
    I DON'T FORGIVE THEM TWO FOR WAHT THEY DID JUST FOR RISKING MY CHILDREN BUT STILL I FEEL BAD ON MY BEHALF!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:00 AM on Mar. 27, 2010