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can i just withhold sex?

so much is goin on between me and my BF-- that he isnt even aware of! but i'm having trust issues- with reason. when he comes over, i feel like its just all about sex. he wants nothing else. we've been together for a year and i feel that maybe he isnt the "one"-- i want to withhold the sex to 1) see if he's still here for ME and 2) i'm partically scared that once i do find out that he ISNT the one- i'll be preg with his baby.

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Asked by Anonymous at 3:09 PM on Mar. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (16)
  • If it's that bad, either have a talk with him about it (ie, tell him you're feeling like you're not getting any emotional attachment to him) or break up with him. Passive-aggressive behavior doesn't do anyone any good when it comes to sex.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:13 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • sounds like a good idea to me,but let him in on it. tell him how you feel and you're not doing it for spite or not loving him.

    Answer by TMJ121099 at 3:13 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • i dont want to be passive agressive, but i dont want to tell him cuz then he'll change his ways- be more emotional and stuff with me to where i think we're in a fantasy world b/c he does everything RIGHT-- but then he'll go back to his old ways. its like a cycle- but this would be the second go-around... without telling him... although, i may give him a hint that i have a feeling i'll get pregnant soon, and i dont want to.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:17 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • That's passive-aggressive, OP. If you're not willing to talk about it, then nothing is going to change and he'll become resentful towards you for witholding. Not to mention guys don't get hints. You have to be blunt and upfront with them.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Tell him that you're not "in the mood" and that you'd rather just have some you and him time.

    That's being honest without revealing everything. Gauge his response and go from there.

    Sometimes couples just settle into a routine without even realizing it.
    Ask him out on a date. Go to dinner and a movie, get to know each other over again. If he loves you and wants to be with you then he should be not only willing, but eager to make you happy.

    Answer by Laila-May at 3:22 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • It sounds like you already know the answer...but are too afraid to stop the inevitable (getting pregnant when you don;t want to!). You DO have the power to control YOUR life and YOUR happiness! If your boyfriend can't appreciate that, then he is NOT "the one!"

    It's okay to be alone--and make yourself available for "Mr. Right." By staying with Mr. Wrong, you're missing out on good potential possibilities! :o)

    Answer by LoriKeet at 3:24 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • If you want to have an unhealthy relationship you can withhold. If you feel like you need to chill out in the sex area while you work through some things, that is legit. But withholding to get him to do what you want, act like you want, or say what you want is manipulative and a relationship like that can't go anywhere good.


    Answer by Anonymous at 3:25 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • i want to know that if i do withhold sex- will he leave? is he only staying b/c we have sex? that i am like the easy lay-- he doesnt have to "work" at it, like he would with a random female or female friend or something. does that make sense? i just want to know if he's here for ME b/c right now, there's nothing else that he's really doing for me. he doesnt cook- which is fine, some guys dont do that. he doesnt clean up- again, some guys dont. he doesnt do any small little surprises- which again, some guys dont. i'm FINE with all that.. but he doesnt show me in any other way- but sex- that he loves me... and to him, is sex love, or is sex just sex? just b/c i'm there, he can get it?

    he comes over- we eat dinner (we dont live together) that i make-- maybe watch a movie midway through, but then he'll want to go to the bed and do it- then he'll leave in the morning for work- or whatever... thats our schedule 3 nights a week.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I wouldn't want to just be a booty call either. Break it off with him for a while and see other people. Find the right guy but for goodness sakes wear a condom or other birth control

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • If he's not the one then it doesn't matter what he is staying for, sex or you. You don't think he's the one so move on.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:09 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

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