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Is it selfish....?

I have two beautiful baby boys age 4 and 6. When they were born, everyone piled into the room to see them, which is a very typical occurance. Problem is, everyone stuck around for hours on end and never gave me the chance to spend some quiet quality time with my boys and their father. It caused so much stress on me after coming out of my C-Sections to have a million people gathered around cooing at the new baby.

I am almost 5 months pregnant with my third child, and this baby's father and I have decided that we don't want anyone to come to the hospital until at least the next day so that we have time to spend alone with our child in the first hours of her (or his) life. This also gives me time to recooperate from [yet another] C-section and I'll at least be up and out of the bed.

Is it selfish to want this?

And if not, then how would you go about explaining what we want to everyone without making anyone angry? Help?

Answer Question

Asked by Little.Star at 7:02 PM on Mar. 27, 2010 in Pregnancy

Level 2 (8 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • no that is not selfish!
    I actually refuse to go see friends at the hospital until the next day if they had a csection. I just can't image anyone wanting all those visitors after major surgery like that!

    Just politely say "everyone, please wait until X to come see us, I feel up to all the visitors after major surgery."

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • it's not selfish at all. my dh and i decided not to tell anyone until the baby was born. you could just call parents and explain that it was too stressful last time and you want it to be a more relaxed environment until you are decent and feel like walking. i believe the first few hours are very important for the parents to get to know their new baby. you are the one thats been carrying and waiting for this baby the most so the hospital stay should be what YOU want.

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:06 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Its not selfish at all. Just explain to people that you want to be with your husband and baby for the first day. If they get their feelings hurt let it pass. C-sections are difficult enough with out having to entertain on top of a major surgery. Good luck and enjoy.

    Answer by CKasting at 7:07 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • thank you so much for your input. :) i don't feel so bad now.

    Answer by Little.Star at 7:14 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • No. not selfish. I know how you feel. I'm still a bit irritated by my own parents who overstayed their welcome. They didn't get the hint to leave us alone when the hospital staff started setting up our celebratory dinner. Instead, my mom made me stay in my hospital bed to eat. Even if I wanted to ignore her, she, my dad, and my baby sister took over all the chairs. Even my older sister was irritated by it when I told her. I plan on sending them on their way if they try that again -- and I won't spare their feelings. Anything you say that's mean can be blamed on hormones! ;)

    Answer by brookebella at 7:20 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Have no clue but its your baby so you set the rules

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 7:23 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • HECK NO! i am not letting anyone but my husband near me till the next day. it was too much for me last time with our preemie. and if that happens again, i want space. if you feel that would make you more comfterable and happier to entertain the next day. so it.

    Answer by KJ_on at 7:42 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • just say that you want visitors to come when you can walk around, etc. just lay it out like that. i would really hate people being all up on me while i still had in my iv and foley..... nobody came to visit me that soon lol.

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 9:19 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I know I won't be inviting Darrell again. He's my DH's overly large and overly loud fishing buddy. I had a vaginal delivery, but within 6 hours, he was in my hospital room, trying everything he could to make me laugh. I was dopey too due to the painkillers from my 4th º tear to muster up the strength from laughing to make him stop. Finally, I just broke down and cried. DH asked him to leave.

    Answer by matobe at 9:46 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Not selfish at all. I'm having another section too and i'm 26 weeks pregnant now..
    I just basically told everyone.. they can come to see the baby thru the window when she is first born.. but once she comes back to my room, we'd like no visitors for atleast 4 hours.
    Just explain to them that you need time to feel better.. and that until you let them know.. you need your space..
    Not rude at all.. and if they don't like it - they'll get over it.

    Answer by ramzmomma at 10:22 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

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