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for those who's dh's cheated and decided to forgive them...

Well, I'm in that situation but there is a little extra...they had a baby together. when they met we weren't living together but were working on our marriage and I thought things were getting better. Well I broke it off w/ him of course but after we talked a while about everything, even though I still wasn't sure, 7 mos after the disaster I decided to give him another chance ONLY after seeing he was really trying and that she wasn't really a problem. Well after awhile I started to feel comfortable around him again and we decided that we can move back in together. (we have 2 girls btw) HOWEVER, now that I guess he was for real about us getting back together and not changing his mind she's becoming very bothersome and needy and I'm not sure anymore if I want to continue. I mean, he's doing very well with gaining my trust back and keeping promises but I guess today it hit me how involved he has to be in her life and (cont'd)

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 9:42 PM on Mar. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • I'm not sure if I can take it. I love my husband dearly and was very excited that things were working out but I'd rather be by myself than to hurt or feel jealously all the time. And when I mean she's being needy and bothersome, it's some fatal attraction stuff going on I just don't want to get into details b/c it's too much. My QUESTION IS, for those who forgave would you have if there was a child involved?
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:44 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • i forgave my hubby but that was before we got married and had kids of our own, etc. he has a baby with this woman who is like a year older than our oldest son and truthfully i wish i didn't take him back bc i hate that he is always gonna be linked to baby momma and i have found it very difficult to trust him alone with her. wish i had kicked him to the curb, but it's different for you guys bc you're married and have kids of your own together. just whatever you decide to do remember that baby and baby momma are there forever which is a very very long time.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:48 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I forgave my SO when he cheated, but I don't think he will ever fully get my trust back. My advice is to run and not look back.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I would have never taken him back with a kid involved. She will always be a problem...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:49 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • My husband and I never made it to the point of actually moving back in. I was willing to raise the little boy because that was easier than dealing with the b**ch, but things fell apart. IF your husband is truly trying, I would stick it out. She can only be as much of a problem as he lets her be. If he pays his child support, there is no reason for her to call unless it's an emergency. Make her stick to the visitation schedule. She will get the message if he puts his foot down and keeps it there.
    CorrinaWithrow

    Answer by CorrinaWithrow at 9:50 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • i would never forgive my SO for cheating on me ever no matter what. its disgusting. he stuck his penis in another women. leave him, have some respect for yourself and for your body because he sure doesnt.
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 9:52 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I haven't personally been in this situation, but my friend is almost in the same situation. It's hard, but she and her dh are actually doing really well now. It's going to be hard, I would recommend therapy, also you may want to look up some judith wallerstien studies or books, she's done alot on the effects of divorce on children. As a final note, around 2/3rds of couples stay together after infedelity. so it can be done and is done quite often, but that doesn't make it any less painful, sorry you're going through this GL with your decision mama.
    gypsymama532

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 9:57 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • If my hubby went out and had a relationship with someone and got them preggo and then we decided to fix our marriage. I would give the marriage the bag. I will not be married to someone and have to deal with a baby that was in my(our lives) while we were "working on the marriage". I couldn't live with that i would be unhappy and there's just something not right about it.  that That's his problem that he was irresponsible. I will not live my life unhappy for some women to throw a child in my face any chance she gets. Your a strong women to think and deal with this situation. I believe that once a cheater always a cheater.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • CorrinaWithrow- yeah when she does get out of line he does put her in her place I guess it just bothers me that she would even act like that. And it hit me today b/c the daughter they have together was running a mild fever I guess and she didn't know what to do so he did tell me and kept me informed and he doesn't keep me in the dark when they are involved but it was very uncomfortable for me and I started having second thoughts.
    -OP
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:05 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I would have never taken him back with a kid involved. She will always be a problem...

    RIGHT.....because SHE is allways the problem?!?!?


    That aside, I say kick him to the curb.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:07 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

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