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PLEASE HELP! been together 4 yrs but he can b a real jerk, should i keep trying??

he was 19 when we got together n i was 22 but he hasnt learned how to communicate.we got into an argument tonight bc ab a year ago we had a fight and when i tried to leave he came outside and tried to forcibly take my keys from me (he didnt hit, but he grabbed me and tried to wrestle the keys away) but a neighbor called th police (nothing happened) but he was telling me tonight that the whole incident was "nothing", but to me it was, at the time i was scared as hell bc he looked so angry, he didnt really hurt me but he grabbed me hard enough to shock me. but i expect him to be somewhat remorseful but he isnt. and he got mad bc he acted like i called him a woman beater when all i said was it wasnt cool and i wouldnt tolerate anything like that when i hadnt put my hands on him. he also said that i shouldnt be arguing ab things that are stupid bc he doesnt feel like talking ab stuff. but rnt i supposed 2 tell him wen im unhappy?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:22 PM on Mar. 27, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (10)
  • If you're still unhappy about something that happened between you a year ago then he's not the only one with communication issues here.

    Could you maybe try some couples counciling? If you can't afford it from a therapist, clergy members usually offer it as well.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:25 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • OP HERE - we get along great, its just when i have an issue i want to bring up, he acts like its unimportant and "doesnt want to talk about it" so if i try to press him to talk to me, he blows up! i love him very much, but i dont want to be in a relationship where i cant express my feelings and the person doesnt express theirs either. we have 2 kids and 4 yrs on the line, do i owe it to everyone involved to try to work things out and see if he grows up and learns to listen and talk like a grown up? he feels like and argument HAS to equal a fight, but i think 2 ppl can work it out without screaming at the top of their lungs!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:26 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • OP HERE - also its not that i am unhappy ab what happened a yr ago, bc i put it behind us, the issue just came up bc we were talking ab a domestic violence issue with another couple and he said that what happened between us was nothing! but to me it was a little more than that and i didnt like his attitude ab it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:28 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • I get that, OP. I really recommend couple's counciling. It would help a lot if he's willing to go. Otherwise, I wouldn't stay, personally. But that's just me. Only you can know if it's worth it to you.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:28 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • maybe he meant it was nothing in comparison?
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 11:29 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • You two are so young. It sounds like it's time to move on. It's hard to go your separate ways, because you've been together for so long, but I think it's time. You'll begin to resent each other.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • OP HERE - i got so mad that i told him that if he didnt want to try to talk to me like a grown up instead of holding in all his feelings then to let me know now so i could stop wasting his time bc i like to talk and i REALLLLY want to be close to him but he just enjoys being around each other.....which is cool bc we have a good time mostly but i want to FEEL him....after 4 years i feel like we should be more connected than we are our sex has already dwindled off to ab 3/4 times a month!!!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • OP HERE - now its like not even about the fight a year ago im just upset bc he basically told me that everytime we fight its bc i bring up some unimportant issue that he didnt want to hear or talk about....but everything that we have fought about has been on a level where i will hold it in and wait until the right time to talk about it, bc it would be something that important to me. and the fact that he feels that my thoughts/emotions is something stupid that he doesnt want to talk about.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:39 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • some men are just not good with talking and emotional stuff. Rather than apologize or acknowledge that he hurt you he would just rather say it is nothing and brush it off. Some guys are just not in tune with feelings, and are just not good talkers, yet he could at least listen to you. It sounds like you are a lot more mature than he is. I was in a relationship like that, my ex never wanted to talk or hear me. With my new husband it took me a while to really express my self because I thought he would not want to hear it. But he loves to hear me and we talk about everything, he is my best friend.
    my2kids312

    Answer by my2kids312 at 11:44 PM on Mar. 27, 2010

  • Some men just don't open up like we want them to. It's taken me almost 4 yrs to learn that about SO. I have to accept him as he is. I cannot change him but I could and did, change how I react to how he handles things. If you know things upset him then don't push him that far. He IS communicating with you by doing that but you are not listening. You want what you want and it's something he can't or won't give you. Let him be himself. You know by now how he feels about important things and small things don't matter enough to fight over. Lighten up and just enjoy him or someone else will
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

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