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I have some questions about prom and my 17 yr old DD

I live in a rural area and drove 180 mile round trip to buy her dress at the nearest mall.
Her date hates the dress.....I think he should deal with it and allow my daughter to wear it......He refuses to get a tux unless he likes the dress.
He wants my daughter to pay for her own ticket...$58
He says his car payment is due and can't afford 2 tickets.
I think he is a jerk, my daughter tells me to "chill"
She expects me to make the trip back to the mall, another 180 miles to return the dress and get a new one.
I think if the boy has the problem he can take her back to the mall.
What would you do?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:45 AM on Mar. 28, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (14)
  • hummm.... a couple thoughts come to mind.
    1) this is a time in her life when she is learning how to run her life... she is learning what she will and will not accept from a boy... this training is for when she is older and ready to find someone to marry. If she accepts this sort of crud from a boy when does she learn to stand up for herself.
    2) how bad can the dress be for him not to like it?
    3) is he gay? most straight boys dont even notice what color a dress is
    4) splitting the cost of the ticket is no big deal for me.... but if she wants to go the 180 miles then tell him he pays the whole ticket price.

    those are some of the thoughts I had.... in no particular order
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:52 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • If he's an A** you can't really control that, nor should you put that burden on yourself. In the end it only punishes your daughter. Too bad she doesn't have a better date.

    I'd talk with my daughter, and point out ( even though it'll probably go in and out one ear ) that he, for someone who can't even afford her ticket is being petty expecting you to drive her back to town to pick out another dress, and front the gas, the ticket, and the cost of the dress. Hopefully he's just a date, and not a romantic interest. I wouldn't want him for a son in law.

    To sum it up...

    Avoid punishing your daughter, ( even though you don't mean to ) See if she can't get another date... and IF only IF you can afford to go back into town to exchange the dress, do it.

    After doing this. tell her for future proms and such... if her date doesn't like the dress too bad, he either can come along or take her.
    Skepticchick

    Answer by Skepticchick at 2:55 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • You know there are alot of ways to handle this and I agree with the PP's but i have one more suggestion lol, CAll his mom no joke call her and tell her what is going on, if my sons were acting like this i would want to know and believe me they would get a refresher course in not acting like a jerk.

    Sometimes calling mom is the one thing that can set boys straight lol.
    3_ring_circus_

    Answer by 3_ring_circus_ at 2:58 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • im off to bed,but hey that boy sounds like 3 things to me
    1- controlling! my man dont tell me what to wear,who does this boy think he is
    2-selfish! so did he all of the sudden find out about prom? he knew about it and could have been saving up,how are you gonna have the nerve to think you can tell my girl what to wear but wont even pay for her ticket.
    3-condemming- how in the world does your girl not see this unless this boy controls her every move and makes her feel bad about it.

    she dont deserve to be treated this way,people are correct this is her time to learn what she will allow,so if i were you i would not let that darn kid control anything else,dont let her change the dress,if he has that big of a problem he can find a new date,
    good luck and good night :P
    BUSYLOVINGHIM

    Answer by BUSYLOVINGHIM at 3:05 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • I have a 17 yr old ds and my dd will be 16 in April. I think her date is a jerk. It sounds like he's coming up with as many excuses as possible to get out of going to prom without exactly telling her that he doesn't want to go. (Or, he didn't realize how expensive it can be, even for a boy, and is too embarrassed to tell her he can't afford it, so he's coming up with jerky reasons to get out of it.)

    My ds went to prom last yr with his gf (he as in 10th, she was in 11th, it was her Jr Prom). She (her family) paid for her dress. We rented the tux. They went dutch on the tickets. We paid for dinner, she (her family) paid for pictures. Prom really is expensive for both sides, so this way, the cost was shared.

    I don't think it's unreasonable for her to buy her own ticket, but I do think it's ridiculous that he refuses to rent a tux if HE doesn't approve the dress.

    cont
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:13 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Tell the boy to suck it.
    If he has such a problem with the dress, have him use his CAR which he has to make payments on instead of treating him date and get her a new dress. If he is the only one with the problem have him learn to be an adult and fix it
    Laura_Cruz

    Answer by Laura_Cruz at 3:13 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • cont

    This is a very dangerous path for both of them to start down - that he can dictate what a woman he's dating can wear, or that she will allow him to dictate it. Either she should stand her ground and wear the dress she wants (even if he doesn't wear a txu, believe me, in the course of life, him not being in a tux at prom will be easier for her than her giving up control over her own appearance to a guy she's dating...) OR - if she really insists on going to exchange the dress - then YES - HE should have to go along - with you as well. Because after all, if he's THAT determined to have a say, then he needs to be there to make sure, because he might not like the next one, either. If you do this, I think all 3 of you should go, and I'm sure it will take a VERY long time - trying on EVERY dress in EVERY store, to find one all 3 of you like - even if, after it all, you agree to go back to the 2nd one you tried... ;-)
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 3:19 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • op here......

    Yeah I worry about the fact that she is 17 and worried about waht a boy thinks and is willing to change her wants to meet his needs even if it means she pays for her own ticket. I blame her dad for all of this because of the fact that he is a jerk....EX: if he had a visit he would take her out to eat and make her watch him eat if she didn't have her own money to buy her own food.
    So HE has set her up to think that this behavior is normal...she does have an older sister who has her own mind, thank GOD!! and feels if a guy does not like her dress... he can just leave...She knows hurt because of her dad(same dad) and will not let another to hurt her.
    I just need this child to get a backbone!! before she is a grown woman with kids and an abusive jerk/husband
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:22 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • While I see nothing wrong with them evenly sharing expenses, he is being a jerk about the dress.
    rkoloms

    Answer by rkoloms at 7:22 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Call that little pricks mother! If my son were being like that, I would want to know so I could set him straight. Simply call her and tell her what's going on. Explain to her that if her son really doesn't like the dress, then he needs to fork over the money for round trip to return it, tag along, and pick out a dress he and her can both agree on, then pay the extra if the dress that is picked cost more than the original.

    I still think it's rude that he won't pay for her ticket. But that's me. I would expect my son to treat a lady like just that a lady. Sounds to me like he's a POS who needs a swift kick in the butt. I really hope she doesn't like him a lot. He sounds like a jerk. That's no way for any little girl to be treated and accept it.
    KingLandon

    Answer by KingLandon at 7:33 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

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