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Not attracted to me anymore ???

SO says he is attracted to me but only for the hopes that Ill lose weight. Baby is 4months now and Im not melting off pounds.

I dont have time, money, or drive to lose weight.
DOnt have a gym membership and cant afford to get one right now
Am a stay at home mom and BUSY with that
And overrall I dont want to go the extra mile just to be able to get a workout right now

So My thought is that'll be like this for a while...OVER WEIGHT

So I asked if I stayed this was would he stay with me, he said yeah, but he'd be unhappy with the way I look in the long run

Also...I dont even like sex anymore which is also hurting the relationship. I just do it to make him happy, he says he suspected it and we agree that if we cant be intimate in the most raw nature that maybe we should break up.

Any Thoughts...Im so confused... Sex and Attraction


Asked by Anonymous at 4:25 AM on Mar. 28, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • Well, is he mean about it? If not, I bet he will start noticing even if you just start losing a little bit. You will feel like you are on track and your confidence will build and that is very attractive! Honestly, we can blame the guy or we can admit that a woman who feels bad about her appearance is a drag to be around..... I am not saying anything about how much you actually have to weigh, and if he is demanding that you be unreasonably skinny, that is a problem. But, feeling good about yourself is very attractive. The most attractive thing a woman can be is "engaged in life" and women who feel bad about themselves tend to hide from life....honestly. Again, I am saying you should do it for yourself.

    Answer by BJoan at 12:51 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Hon, give it time. You'll lose the pounds eventually. He on the other hand should not have said that you should break up because the sex isn't of raw nature. You just gave birth and your the mother of his baby. He needs to have more support and love for you. He should also be more responsible and think about the baby too.

    Answer by LavenderRose10 at 4:55 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • A relationship is give and take. Neither of you sound like your giving. This may be because the baby, they change things. I wouldn't call it quits just yet. I would give it time and try and work things out. Really these problems aren't as bad as it seems. You are just to close to the situtaion. Even if you stay over weight he would eventually learn to cope. The sex drive will come back if you talk to your doctor about that they may be able to help. You may have a bit of depression or just be exhausted. Right now with all your changes in your life if you make any rash desicions you may end up regreting them. Good luck I hope this helps a little. If you need any tips on the weight loss PM me though it took me a year with each one of mine. So you would still have a while.

    Answer by hot-mama86 at 5:07 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Personally, I would not want my child brought up with the values of someone that shallow. Would you want your child to be with someone who is only staying with them in hopes that they will lose weight? NO... so don't teach them that it is ok to be treated that way!
    I would rather leave & do it on my own.

    Answer by emslala at 5:12 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • COME ON!!! Men can be so unsensitive! Your baby is only four months old. Not all moms return to their prebaby weight ( i am one of them) so your DH should learn to adjust to your new body. I know how you feel about not wanting to have sex. this is mainly because your DH is not making you feel sexy. His attitude is a turn off. I am positive that if he would make you feel sexy then you would perform sexy. I feel unsexy from time to time, too. The baby takes up all of your time and energy and by the end of the day, sex is last on our minds. just the other day, I hired a baby sitter and planned a huge date night to celebrate hubby's birthday. We have two developmental disabled children and sex life is a little cold (once a month). after the date night i suggested going to a hotel for uninterrupted sex. That MF replied by saying (in a nice way) that we always have sex at home and would much rather for us to go to casino.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 5:14 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Here in Cafemom, there is a Group called "Feeling Sexy After Having Kids". I am a member. Please check it out! it would help you learn how other moms cope with this issue.

    Answer by alejandra559 at 5:58 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • He told you this stuff? After having HIS BABY? How old is this guy you are talking about? He must be young or very immature? Go to him and say if a little weight after having your kid is going to break us up. Well get out of my face then. Explain to him that you might not ever look the way you did before you got pregnant. If he is that superficial he need to not get you or anyother female pregnant again.


    Answer by louise2 at 6:45 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • OP

    He's 22 almost 23

    Some would think this is making me want to go work out and get better as far as what he wants
    but alls its making me do is not sleep, havent been to sleep once yet, eat more, and be sad. :(

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:46 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • I had three kids and got my shape back. It comes off. Just eat healthy and you should be fine.

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:11 AM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • While I will agree that sex is a fairly important part of a relationship, it should not be of make or break importance. If he's wanting to end the relationship b/c of a lack of sex or lack of a specific kind of sex, then he's putting way too much importance on it, and I don't know why you'd want to be with someone like that anyway. You just had a baby. The weight will come off, in time, if you want it to, and even if it doesn't, it shouldn't matter. He should still love you and be attracted to you anyway. If he's not, again...why would you want to be with someone like that? Instead of thinking how YOU can change to suit him, why not give some thought to whether or not HE's being unreasonable or shallow or whatever, and that he's wrong, not you.

    Answer by tropicalmama at 9:44 AM on Mar. 28, 2010