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do you think this is..crazy?

i am a sahm. i have a 2 year old daughter and am currently pregnant with our twins.my husband works,and we do well.not rich but definitly not poor.anyways.when wewere first married we didnt have very much money asmost new couples dont. but whenever he got paid he'd give me spending money.without issue. now that we've been married almost 4 years and he makes more,..i havent gotten any spending money let alone any money in..well about 2 years. he says if i need anything to just ask. an example if i need deoderant or toothpaste..etc. but last night i wanted a subway sandwhich.one sandwhich is enough to split between me and my dd,and its $5. well he said he doesnt want to waste any money.ido everything for him.when he needs a drink at home i bring it to him,dinner is brought to him,clohes putaway,taking care ofour dd.cleaning. he says im mommy so i should do these things. fine but at least let me have $5 hereand there..right?

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Mar. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (20)
  • He is probly just worried about money because of the economy. We've never had much money, and when I worked before unless I cashed my check and shoved back 20, I wouldn't see a penny of it. Now that I am babysitting in my home, I get paid in cash and tell him to mind his own business. I still expect him to pay all the bills and the money I get is to be forgotten about. And he's been pretty good about that so far. He also knows that this won't last forever and it's not a career. And I think he knows that if I did go back to work some where that was more permanent that I would demand money of my own now. I would sit down and have a talk with him and let him know that you would like your spending money back. That you don't understand why when you guys didn't have much at all you could have some, but now that you guys are doing better you can't. He may be able to tell you what's on his mind and why he is this way.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:59 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • I absolutely agree. I'm also a stay at home mom. But luckily I dont have this problem. I'm actually in charge of the finances, because my DH knows if we put him in charge, we'd never pay the bills on time and live off energy drinks and beef jerky. lol...I'd definitely tell him if he wants to keep it to where he doesn't do a thing at home he needs to give you reasoning. You don't break you back everyday, to have no say as to of what happens with the money.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:00 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Every woman deserves the right to have her own money to spend in anyway she wants. Both my husband and I work and my paycheck goes directly into a joint account (which I do not have access to). My husband then deposits my "allowance" inot my person account. That money is mine to do whatever I want. We do go shopping together and this helps to curb spending.

    Just because you are a SAHM does not mean that you don't work. I was a SAHM for 6 years before my dd was able to go to kindgergarten. He gave me money even then. You need to have a chat with your dh to remind him of all that you do for him and tell him that you want a certain percentage. I get 10% of my paycheck... then open up an account in YOUR NAME OLNY! and put that money away.

    My grandma always told me to have enough money in the bank so that I could move out if I wanted or could buy food in case of an emergency. His money is your money too!
    sonnalynn

    Answer by sonnalynn at 2:02 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • thanks for your answer..ive already heard why he wont..he says its his money. if i want m own money i should "work" too. well carring multiples while caring for a 2 yr old andthe home is work. i mean in about 4 months i will be caring for a 3 year old and 2 newborns as well as everything else. noone wil hire a pregnant woman. he thinks i chose to not have any money bc im a sahm..well i was a sahm when he gave me money before.! ugh and if hes so worried about that economy..he shouldnt be buying dirtbikes and having his car painted..ugh sorry just venting.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:03 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • If he is making good money, you sould have credit card. now you are pregnant and going to crave lots of food. you should be able to buy food whenever you want to. we make good money too but we never waste any money. I have credit card and I spend whenever I want but, he still checks it out , make sure I don't waste any money. good luck.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:04 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Well, that's overly controlling. I'm a SAHM too, but I do all the grocery shopping and (when we have money lol... we don't right now, but when we do) I buy what I want. I don't spend frivolously, and my husband trusts me with OUR money. Yeah, he earned it all, but you are just as entitled, since without you he wouldn't be getting dinner, a clean house or well-reared children. You are not one of his kids to be told that you can have this but not that OR to be given an allowance. If you can afford the $5 sandwich, then there is no reason he should be denying you. Could he maybe have fears about the money because of a gambling problem or something?
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 2:04 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • You are working full time, day and night. i just hate it when men do'nt see how hard we work.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:09 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Does he not realize that if you worked that he would have to pay daycare expenses? Bring that up and suggest that he give you the money (or at least 1/2 the money) that he would be putting towards daycare if you were to return to work. That would give you some spending money and make him realize that you DO work, probably more than he does, you just aren't getting paid.
    missanc

    Answer by missanc at 2:23 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Write him up a bill for the services you've provided over the last four years and give it to him.
    Laila-May

    Answer by Laila-May at 2:51 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • you have to ask to spend money?

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:51 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

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