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How can I communicate with my teen

My daughter is a only child. My family is evasive so she doesn't have any cousins to hang with. She homeschooled and graduated a year early. She now has a full time job and her license and own car. Not quite ready to drive all by herself but close. She has no friends. They all moved away. No boy in her life. How can I get her to quit being negative and talk to me? We always end up in a fight. She says she hates where she lives, people are always hateful and I know it's because she has noone her age to hang with. We go to church, work and home. When I suggest going somewhere and finding friends, she says she has noone to hang with. If she had a friend, they could do things together and meet other friends. How do I help her make that plunge? I can't imagine hanging with just my mom at 18. Any suggestions out there? Our church is a small church and noone her age.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:59 PM on Mar. 28, 2010 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (9)
  • Does she have interests? My kid loves to read,sew and exercise. She goes those places and does things. What about a class in a local community college? Not necessary for studies but to meet people. A class that would be fun, art? Or an exercise class? There are lots of ways to make friends however one has to be open to that. So it is really up to her. Why don't you take a class at the Y or something set an example of how to get out and meet new people. A knitting class a sewing class, book club?
    If you get her to talk to you in a nice way let us know how you did it.
    mmmegan38

    Answer by mmmegan38 at 4:12 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • How about sending her off to college? That would help her learn to socialize
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:12 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • There is a book called "How to talk so kids will listen and to Listen so kids will talk" that might help.
    I think maybe getting involved in a sports league or reading group at the library, or doing some volunteer work (like with Habitat for Humanity, a local animal shelter, or Boys & Girls Club) she might start to meet other people. She might be shy and afraid to initiate something, but you could help her get started. You can't push her too hard or she might just get mad at you, but you can give her a gentle nudge in that direction. Get some fliers and leave them where she will see them, or sign up for something yourself and ask her if she'd come with you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:15 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • See if she's willing to get into a club or sports. Maybe a community center or the Y has a science, photography, pottery, or fitness club she can get involved in. Just encourage her to join something in your community that she enjoys. Then let her naturally meet friends. Just in passing let her know "I want you to be happy and I want you to enjoy your life. I will do my very best to help you get that. I just need you to want to try." and leave it at that. Don't beat her into submission with what she has to do, should do, can do .. just let her figure it out with some guidence. She's old enough to make those choices to be happier, so she only needs you help, not to do it for her.
    JazzlikeMraz

    Answer by JazzlikeMraz at 4:30 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Poor kid. Sounds like you did a great job of isolating her from everyone. I homeschooled my children for a time but by the time Junior High rolled around they were off to school. They had years of bonding with each other and then they went out in to the world to meet people, interact with other adults, join activities and develope interests. I would never have homeschooled an only child personally but if I had I would never have kept them out of high school had I homeschooled for a time. It's just so unfair. She may be feeling totally resentful about being so sheltered. My children are 18-23 and they all started driving right around their 17th bday, alone. Give her a little credit. Unless she's mentally disabled somehow I am sure that, at 18, she is more than ready to be driving on her own. At 18 I was a wife and pregnant with my 1st child. 18 isn't a baby. You may need to give her space right now. I think she's angry.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:20 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • She doesn't KNOW HOW to interact with people, mom. She hasn't gotten that skill. Church, home and work isn't enough for an 18yo.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:23 AM on Apr. 1, 2010

  • My biggest answer to this one is this.. if you want to have a discussion that is uncomfortable.. put them in a car.. turn off the radio and have it.. they can't escape.. they have no choice but to hear.. and hopefully if presented right, they will engage!
    abitirish

    Answer by abitirish at 9:39 AM on Apr. 2, 2010

  • Home schooling gone wrong :/

    just try collage classe at a local collage...People should NOT shelter kids..IT leads to this issue
    ryanlynn

    Answer by ryanlynn at 1:00 AM on Apr. 4, 2010

  • Tough room ladies,,,,what about counseling? Nothing wrong with going to counseling. Give her some space to create a relationship with a good counselor she can learn to trust with her feelings. Sometimes, we as parents cant solve our kids issues for them, sometimes they have to get out there and figure it out for themselves.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:26 AM on Apr. 10, 2010

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