Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

How can I overcome the worries of our age difference?

I am 24 years old, my boyfriend of two years is 41 years old. He is still gorgeous and active and most people don't think he's any older than early 30's and the only reason they think that is because following a severe car accident the scars on his face make him look closer to his actual age. It started out as a casual relationship, especially with him living in New York City and me living 3 hours away in Connecticut. However we've now, without even thinking or really planning, settled into a routine of splitting time between the 2 homes so we're always together. I have a 5 year old and twin 4 year olds from ex-husband and he has a 10 year old son with an ex girlfriend. Now my concern is we really love each other but I'm terrified of devoting my life to someone who will most likely die much sooner than me. I want to devote my life to him but I can't stop worrying. His mom told me he plans to propose and wants a baby.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:33 PM on Mar. 28, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • His mini him will die before he does. He peaked sexually at 19, you won't peak until 40 so if you like sex don't expect him to be able to do it much longer. By the time you are 30 he won't be able to get hard. Good luck though. I hope he has money bc love won't keep you through it all
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • You could marry a guy your own age, and HE could die before you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:36 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • you have to just decide if you love him enough to be alone eventually. my grandpa was 33 and my stepgrandma was 18 when they got together. he died at 66 and shes still living at whatever age she is, im not sure. i guess to her it was worth it.. but she had other motives too. personally, i dont know what i would do. i would be worried too. thats tough. good luck though
    PURPULbutterfly

    Answer by PURPULbutterfly at 11:37 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • My hubby and I are 13 years apart too. I sometimes think about what would happen if he dies first. But you can't control everything. Heck I might go first. My grandmother also married a much older man. He died the day before I was born. I always knew her to be a strong, independent woman. If she could do it I could too. I would rather have one great love cut short, than give it up and never know what could have been.

    BlooBird

    Answer by BlooBird at 11:37 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • By the time you are 30 he won't be able to get hard. Good luck though. I hope he has money bc love won't keep you through it all








    What a STUPID comment...probably made by a teen mom with no high school diploma. Lots of older men can have GREAT sex.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:38 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Roger is 30 years (well 29.5) older than me. It is something that you have to deal with day by day. I know he will die before me most likely but that makes me just cherish the time we have together. Just make sure you have a plan set up for supporting yourself for the worst case senario. It would be terrible for you to and your children to be left without financial means of support. Once you make up your mind that you WILL devote yourself to him no matter how long or short you have together it makes things easier.
    Tf1990

    Answer by Tf1990 at 11:38 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • Any one of us could die at any time. My 40 yo husband (I'm 35) had a heart attack at 35, a friend of ours had a fatal heart attack at 40. People are killed in car accidents every day. If he takes care of his health he could live a very long time, he could outlive you. I have a male friend whose wife is 15 years older than he is. Sure he may outlive her, but he'll have many years worth of memories of the love they shared and the great marriage they have to look back on.

    You can't dwell on the fact that he may die before you. If you really love him and age difference aside would like to spend the rest of your life with him and have a child with him - do you really want to throw that away on something that maybe/might/could/possibly occur many years in the future? Or do you want to grab the happiness that you will bring to each other lives and hold onto it as the treasure it is?
    canadianmom1974

    Answer by canadianmom1974 at 11:41 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • love is love. age shouldnt matter (AS LONG AS ITS LEGAL). If you truely love him and want to be with him I say go for it but if you dont see yourself with him in x amount of years let him know your not interested in anything really that long term so he doesnt get his herat broken in the long run
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 11:42 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • By the time you are 30 he won't be able to get hard. Good luck though. I hope he has money bc love won't keep you through it all


    What a STUPID comment...probably made by a teen mom with no high school diploma. Lots of older men can have GREAT sex.


    VERY True ;-)

    Tf1990

    Answer by Tf1990 at 11:45 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

  • I'm the one who posted the question and I just had to comment on the first post - my guy has more stamina than I do, he's in excellent shape and I'm sure by the time he starts having issues with that he'll just start taking meds to make it work. Sex has never been an issue between us. And by the way he does have money - just about the same as me, luckily I started my career young and I don't have to rely on anyone else to keep my house or keep up with my kids college funds and I wouldn't even mind him having me sign a pre-nup if we get married so long as any kids we have together gets the inheritence when he dies.

    It's nice to see how many people look past the issue of age - in fact the only one out of my friends and family who had an issue was my mom (who thought I should work things out with my 26 year old ex since he "only" cheated on me once).
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:47 PM on Mar. 28, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.