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How do I ask my fiancee if he's gay? (I ask ANON because I'm a bit embarressed, but don't mind straight up answers)

So my fiancee works out of town, on top of that he has a fetish, he only watched trans porn...loved the fact that "transgender" had women bodies. but had fantasies of what the penis could do for him (he researched the whole "men orgasm better and their "gspots" are found analy) well I'm the only women who "went there with him" even at 36 wks pregnant last wk when I went to visit him in the state where he's working, I put on a strap on & did that for him. I had "gone there" with him becuase he was soo sensitive about the subject & I saw it as loving him enough to trying to understand him. I guess he was "honest' with his ex about it who made fun wrote blogs & told "their friends" he was a "fag" etc So I tried to be understanding on the subject.Well the WHOLE time I was visiting him, he treated me awesome, took care of me, sex. Etc. but texted this guy he works with NON STOP! They do EVERYTHING together, it made me wonder

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:29 AM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Now, since he's "trusted me" with his "fetish" and I've been so "understanding" if he isn't gay I know he'd be BEYOND hurt or get angry and defensive if I asked him, perhaps my hormones are taking over these last few wks being I've 4 left to deliver. But it really made me wonder if he is actually gay...not just "bi" which I could've lived with. He didn't even consider himself bi though before...he said it was a "fetish" and that it was just the "penis" not mens bodies....He is a laid back kind of guy, the type you have to ask "Do you think that girls hot?" or "So who's your fantasy women?" you know how most guys have a girl they fantasize about? Like one ex LOVED Drew Barrymore another Megan Fox....fantasies, every guy has one..even around his guy friends he just laughs things off when they start talking women....it's scaring me. I don't know if I can handle him being straight up gay
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:33 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Don't panic but I think your instincts are right. I think it's m o r e than just a fetish, especially when you toss in the texting guy. Do you live in a small town? Does he? What are his folks like? Could being gay be forbidden in his world? IDK, I'm sorry. Keep your eyes peeled. You're a good woman for trying....honestly, I could never do it. Kudos to you but .....
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:36 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • My brother was married for 10 yrs and 4 kids. Now that he has been divorced for some time now and in therapy for some other things he realised he was in fact Gay.

    A woman once told me the way you tell if a guy is Gay is if you lightly caress his butt cheek near his crack, if he gets an erection then he's Gay. I don't really know what to tell you.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:38 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • ok im gonna be anon too- i asked my hubby 1 time if i could put my vibrating dildo in his ass and he said yes. he laid there and took it without expression, it obviously didnt bother him or hurt he says that was his 1st time too. but it also didnt do anything for him. (btw i threw out the dildo after that!) i know hes straight but he didnt mind getting kinky. my question to you is "does his co-worker seem gay" have u seen his co-worker w/ a girl before? have u seen the text between them? if he deletes them without u seeing maybe he is gay. just ask him, but dont be judgmental! seem very understanding and caring and he'll be honest
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:42 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Omg... Um well lets just say if I touch my husbands butt he tightens it up and tells me not to do that cause it makes him feel gay lol. Now I have to say that I find it discusting to even think about doing my husband in the butt lol Im sorry I just cant even imagine, it would gross me out and I could never be with a guy that liked that. I more into the manly men, like the going fishing type guys lol. But like one of the posters said above me your a really good women to go that far with him just to make him happy. I would really wonder though just because something doesnt seem right to me, probably the fact that he likes anal sex lol.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:44 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • In all honesty, I think he for sure is Bi at least. I don't know ANY straight men that watch transgender porn or have a fetish with penises.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • He's totally gay!! My friend just recently got out of a relationship like yours. Everything you were describing sounds almost exactly what she was dealing with only he was actually cheating on her with guys. But it started with the texting non stop to his "friend."
    I'm so sorry, I know this is the last thing you want to hear especially since you're about to have a kid together. Maybe try to bring up the subject gently?
    TattooedMommy04

    Answer by TattooedMommy04 at 1:51 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Conti.... Yeah I would say the least that hes bi but doesnt that bother you. I guess we were brought up in two totally different house holds. I dont have one single person on either sides of my family who are gay and if they are then we dont know about it lol. Its not bad to be gay but in your situation I dont know if its healthy unless your ok with it. Your right though, no straight man would ever sit down and watch a he she on tv do eachother, I think they would die befor watching that seriously. I have to say I have never heard a story like this. I know this is totally diff then what your going through but I do know that when Im going down on my man he likes his balls to be involved lol like he wants everthing down there taken care of lol. I have rubbed a little too down there befor and he hasnt said anything probaly cause it felt too good but I dont dare keep my hand down there too long lol he might knock me out.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:52 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • OP here. He doesn't come from a "small town" infact he actually comes from the Capitol city of one of our states. He was in the Army for about 6 year and y'all know how ARMY's attitude is towards "gay or bi" men. he like any man does find the whole "girl on girl" hot...but IDK if that's just because thats what "all guys seems to say"...he does say he wouldn't want to women himself just 'cause it "sounds exhausting".
    His friend is cool, we all hung out a lot & his friend did bring a date the one night last wkend when UFC fights were on. His friend is out going,very talkative, while my fiancee is laid back & easy going, so they get along great as friends, its just after my fiancee & I'd go back to the hotel they would still be texting at 11 pm which was weird & all thro the day here & there on wkends. They're also gym buddies which is fine since I too go to the gym & know having someone to workout is hard to find.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:55 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • OP here..continue... He is an only child and is obviously the only "son". his Dad is the whole 'fishing camping, hunting" type so I don't know how his Dad's attitude would be if he knew his son was "gay or even bi". I do know his Dad is EXTREMELY excited we are having a boy and can't wait to teach him to "fish and hunt" so his Dad def would prob be more old fashioned?

    Funny thing is one of my fiancee's old buddies who was with him when they both USED to be in the Army also works with him & when the other friend (the one I'm question on whether he's gay with or not) was out of the room, our "army buddy" said "Dude, no seriously, I think (lets say Tom) Tom has a man crush on you dude, seriously" and of course our 'army buddy" doesn't know about my fiancee's fetish...so he's seeing him a a "straight oh ah army guy" and in response of course my fiancee just laughed it off like he does all those subjects...hot women, gay ppl etc
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:01 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

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