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HOW DO YOU LET A MARRIAGE DREAM DIE, HOW DO I JUST LET IT GO

AS A CHILD I DREAMED OF GETTING MARRIED, OF SOMEDAY WALKING DOWN THE AISLE WITH THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE WHO LOVED ME ENOUGH TO MAKE ME HIS WIFE, I DREAMED OF MY DRESS, THE CHURCH, A LIFE WITH THAT PERSON AS MAN AND WIFE . SOME YRS LATER I MET A MAN (IF I SHOULD EVEN CALL HIM THAT ) AND FELL IN LOVE HIM AND HIS LIES OF MARRIAGE ( THERE WAS EVEN A RING, WHICH SHOULD STILL BE AT THE BOTTOM OF THE PACIFIC ) AND DREAMED OF ONE DAY BECOMING HIS WIFE, WELL I GOT PREGNANT AND HE SPLIT, BUT I CHOSE TO HOLD ON TO THAT DREAM TELLING MYSELF I COULD STILL FIND THAT SPECIAL GUY THAT WOULD LOVE AND WANT TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH ME. FLASH FORWARD TO ABOUT FOUR YRS AGO I MET A GUY AND WE ALSO FELL IN LOVE, WE NOW HAVE TWO KIDS TOGETHER AND EVEN THOU HE SAYS HE WANTS TO GET MARRIED WHEN I ASK HIM HE ALSO FINDS AN EXCUSE WHY WE CAN'T BE IT MONEY OR JUST ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. MAYBE IT'S ME BUT I NEED TO LET IT DIE THIS DREAM IS KILLING ME.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:58 AM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • I am having the same issue. I have children with a man I have been with for a very long time and still isn't married. Not even a ring on my finger. He claims he loves me so much. he has even said how he plans to marry me but still gives all types of excuses on why we can't. Some of the issues would be financial but still,i feel like i would at least be able to say we are officially engaged...but my finger is bare. it is very embaressing to not be married and have children together.
    My dreams of marriage have pretty much died,I was like you a lways dreamed of the day. I wanted to be a young beautiful bride in a flowing dress. Surrounded by beautiful flowers. I wanted so much to be the wife for real (cause we still call eachother husband and wife). But it is all B.S,the saddest thing in a relationship is to not ever get to that level. It is so backwards how they can pop us off with babies which are just as expensive.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:53 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Personally, I don't see why you should have to let it go. I think you should stand up for what you want, and if he won't give it to you, find someone who will. But as to the person who said it's backwards that they'll get you pregnant which is just as expensive...that's not all on them. It takes two to get pregnant. You need to accept your part of the responsibility for the relationship being what it is.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:19 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I'm honestly asking this stuff, because the answer affects what advice I could try to offer, so please don't take it as an attack-

    What part of this is the hardest for you right now? Is it that you have to give up the dream wedding that you've always imagined? Is it that you feel like you wanted a fairy tale life, and are having to accept that there is no perfect wedding, perfect marriage, perfect life sort of thing? Or is it that you feel that neither of these men have loved, cherished, and respected you enough to want to be married to you and have a life with you?

    Please don't take any of those questions badly, I don't mean them as an attack on you or your life, I'm just trying to figure out what your thoughts on it is, and what is hurting the most about it.
    sailorwifenmom

    Answer by sailorwifenmom at 6:22 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • if it's the fact that the two of you aren't married yet, suggest going to the courthouse..and little by little save money so you can have your dream wedding.have you explained everything to you SO to where he understands how important it is to you? you can do weddings fairly inexpensive, i did mine for right at 3000, and it was gorgeous. good luck, you should never let go of your dream.
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 8:48 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • It's not the dream that needs to die. It's your way of getting to the seeing of the fulfillment of the dream. The proper path to marriage is to meet someone, get to know him, compare dreams, give the relationship time to see if you are heading in the same direction. One really good way to know is when he asks you to be his wife. If he does that, and you believe you are having the same dream, you can say yes, get married and then have sex. You have forfeited part of the dream because you are no longer a virgin, and that's what the white dress and all the rest symbolize, but you can still be married by a justice of the peace. When you give a man sex, thinking he will give you what you want, you are forfeiting your dream before it ever has a chance to be fulfilled. I know it sounds old-fashioned, and maybe it is, but it is still how young women today are having their dreams fulfilled. Sex is for marriage and nowhere else.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 9:26 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Get a new dream? That's easy for me to say, I know.
    I never had dreams of getting married...to me, there are so many more important things, like seeing the world, making a difference, etc.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

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