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should i let my children go to their dad's?

a little background: i have sole custody, and the papers state that visitation is to be agreed upon by both parties... essentially, i have the right to say no.

My ex-h was in a MAJOR car wreck on the interstate a while back. totaled his vehicle, lost his license, and my girls' car seats were in the vehicle. i do not feel safe knowing that he will be using them this weekend, without having them inspected by a professional. i just found out that he is still using the same car seats, and he just called me asking about this weekend... (saying that it's his weekend... even though he doesn't have set weekends.) i am willing to have them see him and his family, it is easter, but i want to drive them to his dads house, then pick them up after they are done. i feel umcomfortable knowing the last weekend he had them, he was using the car seats, and i didn't even know he was driving. would i be in deep doodoo for not letting them go?


Asked by gracefulsky at 9:59 AM on Mar. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Level 15 (2,260 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (23)
  • I hope you do not give in to him! This is concerning the safety of your children. Not what he wants, and he lost his license, shouldn't be driving in the first place...obviously he is not thinking about what is best for the children..that is up to you now, you have every right to say no. If you get along with his family, I would suggest calling them to set up a time for you to take the kids to see them, I don't see any point in punishing them for his actions..but they have to understand and agree not to let him leave with them. That would be my only suggestion..otherwise, just forget about letting them go with him until he gets his priorities straight. would you be able to forgive yourself if you gave in, let him take them without a license? and something happens and they are harmed or god forbid killed in a wreck?

    Answer by december911 at 8:00 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • If you agreed to the weekend, then I believe you can get in trouble for not letting them go. However, I would call him back and tell him your concern with the car seats and tell him that you would perfer to drop them off and pick them up. Make sure he knows that this is only about the safety issues of the car seats, but that you want the children to spend time with him.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I would be concerend about letting them go myself. If you don't agree then both parties don't agree and it may come down to him taking you back to court, at which time if he absolutly must see the kids outside of your home, or without you there (to make sure he isn't driving them) then suggest supervised visitation because of the wreck and your fears of him not only driving them, but also of the fact that he wants to use carseats that may be unsafe.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:02 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • yeh, i didn't say that he could have the weekend. i said that he could have them on sunday from noon to 4, when his dad is doing his easter thing. there is nothing for him to say i could have them thsi weekend. funny thing is, i called him back (i let it go to voice mail... didn't have my recorder on me) and he started talking about it, and i said, "my only problem is the car seats. i really don't feel comfortable with you using them." and he started cussing me out. i know he's gonig to take me to court, but when he does that he will be arrested for not paying child support... (which is NOT why i'm not letting them go. him not paying has nothing to do with my girls rights to see him.) i guess i just need affirmation that i'm not just being a "b"... this really is what normal mothers worry about, right? lol.

    Answer by gracefulsky at 10:08 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Your on the right track and keep track and record of the fact that your problem is he's putting them in an unsafe position (with the car seats, and I would worry about his driving)

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:10 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • A cop once told me that if your vehicle has been in accident while a car seat was in, then that car seat needs to be replaced. I was in an accident once while both my kids were in the car. Daughter was in the car seat. As soon as I heard that, I went out and bought her a new carseat!

    Answer by Zakysmommy at 10:14 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • If it's just the carseat issue can you let him borrow the car seats you use for the kids? Then you would know that they are safe. I would let them go if it were me.

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:17 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • The insurance should have covered new car seats(kids in them or not) I would not let them ride in the car till he buys new cars seats!!

    Answer by IMAMOM2-2KIDS at 10:17 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • If he lost his license cause of the wreck.....why is he still driving? other than because he can? I would tell him yea you can see them but i'm dropping them off and i'm picking them up. In my state if he's caught driving without a license he goes to jail, whihc means now the state gets involved in your business about the kids, and god knows i hate that

    Answer by GothicMama at 10:41 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • @anon10:17... i've done that before. unfortunately, these car seats that i have now AND the ones that he had in his vehicle, they were all mine. i also had been sending food and clothes and toys and EVERYTHING with them when they go to see him for the weekend. i refuse to do that anymore. he uses everything that i give, yet won't do this one thing.

    he just needs to get them checked so i have a piece of paper saying that the cat seats are safe to use. his sis said that i would just have to send the car seats too... but i don't think i'm up for that.

    Answer by gracefulsky at 10:48 AM on Mar. 29, 2010