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I am the mom, Do you feel that way? To all new and old moms.

Sounds stupid I know, I spoiled my kids and now I am paying. They were always good, respectful, and kind to others. As they get older, I realize. I created little monsters. It is never too late, and I won't give up. Guess what though, I am the mom.... What I says goes.

You live and you learn. I have learned a valuable lesson, we need to be strong and teach them to be independant. So for all you moms that are just starting your life with your children. Don't make mistakes I made, stick to your guns. You both need to be happy, your child and you. Don't think making them happy all the time is the way because it is not.
Good luck!!!!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:27 AM on Mar. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (16)
  • NO, it doesn't sound stupid. I'm dealing with it right now.My son that I have always tried my best to make him happy called me a bitch last Friday.You think what your doing is the best thing for them.You love them so unconditionally.YOu give them all you can. You spend your last dollar to put a smile on thier faces. And in the end? What do you have?An ungrateful spoiled brat!I am so sad about it today,and I have been all weekend.It's horrible.I've decided that I said what I had to say to him about it and I will try not to harp on it and bring it up to him again.But so help him..if he calls me out of my name again...I tell you what, things are changing in our house starting today!!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:32 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Good advice! My son has certain phrases of mine that he hates. For example: Son: "why do I have to?"; me: "because I said so" and son: "that's not fair!"; me: "life isn't fair, get used to it!"
    You have to let them know who is boss and it sure as hell isn't them. Your child is NOT your friend. They MUST respect you and listen to, while you are raising them. Once they are adults, or done being raised, then they can be your friend.
    offrdngal

    Answer by offrdngal at 10:34 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • example of what is happening now.

    For not coming home, she is grounded no tv, no ds, the door knob is gone, she has to dress in the bathroom, reading and writing. I told her to think about her behaivor.
    She refused to clean her room, I said if you don't clean your room, you are not leaving your room. She said no. I said I am going to the bathroom when I come back if your not in your room, I will put you in it.

    You choose to listen, I will listen. You choose to follow rules, you get more. I am done with being nice, I told her if you don't come home right after school and I have to search for you again, you will be brown baggin your lunch-she is a picky eater.

    I am the mom.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:40 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • In hindsight there will always be areas of parenting that you feel you skimped on. The best thing to do is adjust and not beat yourself up for it, ya know? If we try our hardest, we should be proud no matter what happens. We're not expected to be perfect and we can't expect our kids to be either.

    I think you're exactly right. When you're the mom, you're the mom. You see an issue and you hone in on it. Maybe you could have prevented it before, but that's not the issue at hand - the issue is resolving the matter. : )
    mickstinator

    Answer by mickstinator at 12:42 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I always take what my kids say into consideration, I always allow them to voice their objections, I always allow them to feel whatever emotion they are feeling, I am their friend.......BUT at the end of the day I am the mom.

    Do not think that what you may see as mistakes now are why the kids are misbehaving, it may be that they are simply being kids, there is no perfect answer and there is no perfect kids. We do what feels right in that moment, but as they age and become more independednt things become a lot more unpredictable. We always think if I can just get through the newborn/toddler stage things will even out, what most people learn is that you never reach a stage of "peace" we are always working at motherhood, it never ends and it never get's easier. It just evolves.
    luckysevenwow

    Answer by luckysevenwow at 1:09 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • " I am the mom.... What I says goes." keep telling yourself that. That's only true up to a point. much as many would love to think to, you can't control everything. Find it interesting you didn't mention the age of the kids- are you sure that they aren't just growing up and rebelling?
    I was considered one of those 'spoiled brat' kids, who didn't appreciate all that was done. I'm 39 now and I still say that was crap. I always appreciated efforts. But you sound just like my mother. She would whine all the time that no one appreciated her. That since she got so much for us, she would bawl that she'd had to clothes in so long! turned out she didn't want to get new clothes until she 'lost 50 pounds'- she lost that&more&STILL wouldn't buy new clothes!
    I was considered ungrateful because mom would spend "her last dollar to put a smile on my face" when I wasn't thrilled about it. I said thank you-
    cont

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:12 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • anon 1:12 cont-
    but it was never good enough since i wasn't jumping up and down.
    you can't make someone feel ways they don't feel. I tried to speak up- telling mom that I would much rather have 2 nice sweaters that I picked out than the 10 ones that she got on clearance. I think she liked to brag over how much stuff we had.
    Your kids are probably just growing up and it sickens me you refer to them as little monsters.
    I'm a grown woman and to this day my mother still whines that she spoiled me too much since I 'care only about myself' since I live 1000s of miles away with no intention of returning to live . and that I do love to have certain family heirlooms, I have no interest in filling up my apartment with boxes of things I have no room or desire for- like she and my sister do-trust me, shoe ins for the show hoarders!
    are you SURE that your behavior is so easy to live with?
    I'd LOVE to hear your kids side of it!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:20 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I agree with luckysevenwow-
    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 1:21 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I"m anon 112 and 120ok anon 1040- what does no coming home have to do with brown bagging the lunch? and the whole " when I come back if your not in your room, I will put you in it." sounds pretty darn scary to me.
    this is exactly the way my mom started to talk and I heard all kinds of comments of how "she's the mom, listen to her" yet they didn't know that big reason why I wasn't coming home is because I was constantly screamed at for god knows what. One of my 'offenses' was that I was 'poking around where I shouldn't have' and found a LOAD of empty alcohol bottles. The 'poking around' was my going into the cupboard to get out some mixing bowls.
    you kids are not going to jump when you say jump.
    From what I'm told now by the shrinks that my mother used to tell me would 'never believe me' if I told of her behavior is this- that mom was one unhappy woman (some know her!) and was trying to 'fix' me so that I'd be all that cont
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:32 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • anon 132 cont she wished she was.
    I'm not buying this martyr deal- not saying that kids don't need guidance and rules, of course they do.
    but there is no way I would ever take someone seriously in your case without hearing what the kids had to say.

    has you or anyone asked your daughter why she doesn't want to come home?
    Sounds like maybe all of you could benefit from some family counseling-
    I hope you aren't like my mom and claim that you don't need to go because YOU aren't the problem-
    Please go- unless you want your kids 1000s of miles away like I am-
    and before anyone goes and points the finger at me, I speak to my mom at least a few times a week- far more than my alleged saint of a sister who stayed in town- and puts other relatives in the ER.
    you situation may not be as bad as mine was, but don't assume that you are the saint and your kids are the monsters.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

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