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my teenage son feels like he is being made to watch his 9 yr sb ( almost) daily. He feels that is unfair.

My husband feels that that is a duty as part of a famiy and that more chores should be assigned. My husband and I both work till early evening and my ss just moved in at the begining of the school year. My son has been the baby all of his life, so having a little brother part time was cool: till he moved in and he is continously by his side and my son is always asked to watch him when we are working by his SD.
I understand my son's frustration but I was an only child so hearing this is a family chore is odd to me, but I understand it. I made my daughter watch my son... But I paid her for it. My husband doesn't feel money should exchange hands. What do you think?
Think is causing my son to feel like he is ready to move out as soon as he is done school. I never thought I would hear that from him. He says " just to get away from his little sb." I hate that he feels that way. help!!

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 11:04 AM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (15)
  • Uhhh your husband thinks it's your sons duty to raise YOUR child? It's not your sons child so he should be paid like any babysitter OR you do in fact find a sitter.....your teenager deserves to live HIS life, NOT yours!
    Mom2Jack04

    Answer by Mom2Jack04 at 11:06 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Its the parents duty to watch their children, not the older siblings. If it's a must that he has to watch him, then yeah, he needs to be paid at least a little. Maybe try getting a babysitter a couple days out of the week. GL
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:07 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • your husband is causing your older son to resent his brother. forcing him to watch you twos child isnt right at all. He should be asked and paid. I have 14 yr old and a 1 yr old and I would never dream of forcing him to watch him.
    Its your child , not your sons. If you want the resentment to stop stand up to hubby and tell him its stopping now unless son gets paid. I can tell you dont think its ok either...be brave and tell dh no more.
    Bearsjen

    Answer by Bearsjen at 11:10 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • He should be paid for it. I would ask him would he like to baby sit and get paid.

    He didn't make the baby, and it is not fair. Your husband should not pass the raising a child on him. He should help around the house, but being a father is unfair. Being a resonible baby sitter is better.

    Think about it, and good luck.
    KFree907

    Answer by KFree907 at 11:20 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • If the older son is watching his little brother because you can't afford another baby-sitter thats o.k. because in a family during hard times we all should stick together and do whats right to help any way we can, and the older child hopefully will understand this at some point.On the other hand the little bro. wasn't always there, right? So the older bro. is being asked allot to get used to at once, especially during his high school yrs if it wasn't the ' norm ' to begin with, I'd try to transform everyone together as easily as possible, but if once again money is tight & you HAVE to work there for making the time to slowly get everyone used to one another thats just how it goes sometimes.I feel for all of you, change happens & it's not always easy.Just try to make time for the older boy I think that would help the situation.Maybee he could get a bigger allowance, for taking on such a big responsiblity.I would give it 2 him.
    Stefono

    Answer by Stefono at 11:20 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Growing up, I was the oldest out of 4 of us.I had to watch my little sister and brothers ALL the time. I did everything for them until my parents got home from work in the evening. Weekends were pretty much the same. I was like a built in babysitter for them. After awhile I really resented it because I couldn't sign up for any after school activities or do any recreationtional stuff for myself because I had the responsibilty of my siblings. I love them,don;t get me wrong, but it really made me grow up faster than I should have. I couldn't wait to turn 18 and move out. And I did. Two weeks after I turned 18, I was gone.
    As a grown woman now looking back, I can understand how they needed the help.But they really did expect too much of me. I wish they would have at least gave me a couple days off to join an after school activity or a team at the rec center. It took a lot away from my teen years.
    kimberlyinberea

    Answer by kimberlyinberea at 11:33 AM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Gosh, your ss should be out with friends, involved in an after school activity....something to get him around his peers in a positive way and NOT baby-sitting his sb. That is NOT his responsibilty AT ALL. I have seen too many of my sons friends have that burden shoved on them and they resent it.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:01 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • My honest opinion... it's not his responsibility, and when he's ready to he will have kids of his own. It's one thing to ask him to, but it's another to make him do it, unless paying him (nothing over the top because he is family) is an option or something along them lines. He'll have a life full of responsibility ahead of him so let him have fun now. I think the responsibilities of cleaning up after himself and the occasional helping with something bigger around the house is enough. Don't you ever wish you could just do whatever? Not have to go to work everyday, or take care of someone else everyday? This is his time to have that, and that shouldn't be taken away from him.
    D.Tetz

    Answer by D.Tetz at 2:58 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • If he's being asked to perform a duty that you'd have to pay an outside source to do in order for you both to work, He should be paid.
    It also should not be every day. Being part of the family means chores, yardwork, eating dinner together, going on vacations together, NOT being completely responsible for a younger sibling.
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 3:47 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • It is not his responsibility to babysit with out being paid, it's not his kid. I moved out at 17 because my stepmonster and her 4 kids moved in and she told me they were my responsibility when she and my dad were working and he didn't want to cause problems right off the bat so he didn't say anything. I had to pick them up from school and the daytime babysitter then take the older one to activities while toting the other 3 with me- if they had asked and offered to pay me and at least paid for my gas from driving them around I may have been more open to it, but they didn't stepmom ordered it and if I didn't pick them up school would have called CPS.... If you want to loose your son then go ahead and keep making him responsible for a kid that isn't his with out having a choice or being paid.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:00 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

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