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I am married (legally) to a man who has been physically and mentally abusive for 4 years. We have resolved to separate but because of financial reasons we still live together. There's this guy..I am head over heels for..and he found out about the abuse. He works with my "husband". I told him we were separating and he said "when u leave u know where I live". I was really excited but I just wanted to clarify things with him so I went and visited him. I asked him EXACTLY what he meant. He said he was into me and he wanted to explore it. But he said he didn't want me living with my husband because he didn't want me being with him but going home to someone else. He said he would wait. We hung out that day and I really want to believe he is into me. But he told me to come by the next day and we would spend the day together. But I went by there the next day and his roommate told me he was working?? Is he just avoiding me?

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Asked by Anonymous at 12:43 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

Answers (6)
  • Could he have just been called into work?? Give him another shot. There might be a legit reason he wasnt there.

    Answer by KellyOh72 at 12:46 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • It's possible. Maybe he just got called into work last minute? I think he sounds like a good guy waiting for you and I think he's doing the right thing because I can see his point there about going home to someone else. Can I ask why you can't file for divorce? There's plenty of ways to find that you can get one a lot less expensively. Go to your local courthouse and tell them the issues and your financial situation and they will help you.

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:48 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Please be careful. I'm sure he's a nice guy but if your dh is abusive getting away won't be easy then he may even stalk you to "catch" you. Mine did that. Leaving is the most dangerous time in an abusive relationship. If dh even thinks you are messing with this guy he might hurt you and the guy. Take care of your business first (leaving) and get yourself settled emotionally. Get your divorce then think about hooking up. Keep him as a friend but don't push dh's buttons by dating until the divorce is over. I finally had to move 3 states away to get mine to leave me alone, divorced or not he wouldn't let go.

    Answer by admckenzie at 12:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • He works with you husband as much as you hate your husband for the abuse that has happened, do you think it is a good idea to date someone he works with. Plus you are not divorced, nor moved out of your home. Maybe you need to finish what needs to be finished in your life at the moment before you go into something new. Plus you need time to heal and love yourself again. I've been abused and you don't just get over 4 years of abuse. It takes time to learn to love yourself, because you sure didn't love yourself letting someone treat you that way.

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:04 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I would definitely not start a relationship with anyone until you are at least legally separated and I think you should be legally divorced as well. No sense starting a new relationship when the old one isn't even over.

    Answer by missanc at 2:43 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I would just be friends. Even if there is a connection. You need to have some you time after this draining relationship that you've been in for the last 4 years. You need to get back to being you and finding out who and what that is. Good luck

    Answer by clhadley at 7:59 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

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