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Disciplining a hitter

My 17 month old hits me, others, and himself. I consistantly tell him "no" "ouch" and that it hurts, is not nice, ect. He thinks it is funny and hits & says "ouch" now. For the last week, I've been slapping his hand becasue butt spanking does not faze him. As of this morning, I put him in his room for discipline. Should I keep trying this, since nothing else is working? And what about when we are in public or at someone's house? This is turning into a nightmare. I cannot control my child. HELP! P.S. He has been tempermental since birth, and I give in a lot because I do not want to neglect him.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 1:37 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Toddlers (1-2)

Answers (11)
  • So you SLAP (hit) his hand and SPANK (hit) his butt to teach him not to hit? Basically you are teaching him hitting is OK. You are confusing him. That's why he thinks it's a game, you are not making sense to him. Time outs don't work on kids who are too young to understand the concept. One minute for his age won't teach him anything anyway. Teach him what is Right, don't confuse him by doing what is wrong (hitting). Mine hit and I just gently but firmly grabbed his arm and changed the game. I kissed his hand. My mother did that . My grandmother did that and now my children do it with their children. It works for us.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:43 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • OP here. ive only recently tryed slapping/spanking because of you'alls advice. Ive been doing the redirecting and takling/telling it is not okay to do. Mind you, I am dealing with a VERY stubborn child who has a temper. From birth, he was tempermental. Ive been following Dr. Sears. I always "wore" my baby, slept with him, ect. But I am at my wit end.....The books tell my to do everything with love (my personal preference) but his docter/nurse wants me to ingore him...He will cry for 4 hours straight, he will follow me to every room and fuss. Im so sick of this contoversy. I JUST WANT ONE STRONG TACTIC THAT WILL GET THROUGH TO HIM THAT THIS IS NOT RIGHT! Is it really too early for time out? cuz I dont think anything else will work at this point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 1:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • time outsworkbest for us and i onlyhit when in danger
    mirit.rose

    Answer by mirit.rose at 1:56 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I've been using time out with my daughter who is almost 20 months since she was just over a year old. I wasn't sure if it would work so I asked her pediatrician before doing it and she said to try it. It works wonders with my DD. I was instructed to only use time out for serious offenses (i.e. hitting, biting, etc.). My DD was biting and pinching and within a week of using time out, the behavior stopped. We now use it for other things and she has learned to associate time out with doing something she is not supposed to do. You have to be consistent though. My DD gets a firm no, then the next time she does the behavior she gets removed from the situation (i.e. taken away from the thing she isn't supposed to play with) and the third time she does the same behavior in a short amount of time, she goes to time out. Just remember, a minute for every year and be consistent! Good Luck Momma!!
    anglgrl03

    Answer by anglgrl03 at 2:00 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • i find that time out in my daughters room helps, she is a hitter as well. I also heard ignoring the behavior works but it takes time and self disclipine. you cant react IN ANY way when the child displays the behavior but eventually the novelty of whatever th child is doing will wear off. for example if you are talking and the child slaps you in the face you continue your conversation as though it never happened, its tough but it works!!! I tried but i chuckle so its not working for me! good luck!
    Kennadismom

    Answer by Kennadismom at 2:00 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Time out works for us for hitting. Also, you always get people telling you to spank, like it's so magical. And those people also are still having to spank their school age children. I'm not anti spanking, but it isn't the answer for everything. I love Dr. Sears, but I don't find his info practical past the toddler stage, for many things. This is one. We remove them immediately into time out.
    whiteroses82

    Answer by whiteroses82 at 2:26 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • i'm going to get bashed for this i'm sure..but my dd's the same way...shes 22 months old, and we do 1,2,3...1--verbal warning and redirect attention..2--time out...3--spanking..we give her ample warning to be able to stop what she's doing that's wrong before we do anything...time outs supposedly don't really work until they're 18 months...but who knows...the past month, we've cut out #2 comepletely. time outs do not work for my dd...times have changed so you're going to get a hard time with any form of discipline from someone, especially on here..found that out the hard way..lol..the only time that time out worked on my dd, was when she hit...and she still does it from time to time, and we just explain that we don't hit..it's not nice..since we've started spanking my dd has calmed way down..she was out of control..and she does not fear us..ask grandparents, they'll say that they spanked us, and then it was just fine..but
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 2:28 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • parenting ways have changed so much, even in just 21 years..do what works for you and don't worry about what other moms think. good luck..most of this is just a phase and your child will phase out of it.
    mom_to_kenzie

    Answer by mom_to_kenzie at 2:29 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • My daughter went through about a month of hitting when she was that age. After a few weeks of telling her no and redirecting and everything else I could think of I finally found what worked for us - telling her no (or 'be nice') and immediately ignoring her, turning my back, etc for a time. She learned that hitting would not get her attention and soon stopped the behavior. Time outs never worked for her (even now, at 7, they have NEVER worked!) and she was too young for spanking or lectures.
    I wanted to give you a piece of advice that has really helped me - every child is different. That means that different discipline will work for different children. My daughter responded best to spanking once she was past a certain age and I have had many people tell me the same thing Anon 1:43 told you. But if you explain to your child what discipline is for (helping to make him/her a better kid and eventually a better adult)
    kameka

    Answer by kameka at 5:16 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • i do believe it is just a phase (hopefully)..i do know the spanking him for hitting will not make the hitting stop...basically you are just hitting him back, but on his butt...2 wrongs don't make a right, ya know...anyway, i suggest changing his enviroment...is there something he has the keeps him calm or content?...is there a specific toy that he loves?...is there too much fighting and yelling in your household?...do you argue with your spouse/SO a lot?...there are MANY reasons why a child may be violent and you need to change other things first before you can expect him to change
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:20 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

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