Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Do you think stepmoms get a bad rap?

I'm a mom of 2 and a stepmom of 2 others. I'm reading a book called "Stepmonsters" righ now and it has to do with the psychology of the whole situation, its real interesting and I would recommend it to anybody. What struck me as interesting was they said 50% of kids like/respect there stepdad but only 15% of kids like/respect there stepmom. What do you guys think?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:25 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in General Parenting

Answers (13)
  • That's an interesting statistic. I think step-parents in general tend to get harped on because their parenting styles are vastly different from those of the biological parent. Sometimes they are more relaxed, sometimes they are more uptight. Sometimes you just get a bad step-parent.

    My daughter's stepmom is pretty great. We get along really well because we both understand that we're looking out for the same person, we just do it in different ways. However, my ex-husband's niece has a terrible stepmom. She has five of her own kids and treats her stepdaughter like dirt. She calls her terrible names, tells her dad horrible things about her and lets her own kids beat up on her.
    sillyt

    Answer by sillyt at 2:32 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I think the age of the child plays a major role on how kids react to a "step" parent. My parents re married when my brother was 16. He HATED my mom's DH, and still doesn't talk to him much today. He didn't listen to ANYTHING he said, and told him straight to his face. Of course being that old, he never even considered him a "step dad." I don't either, for I was already an adult, and have my real dad in my life. As for my father's wife - she's just the "other woman" to us.


     If kids gain step parents at younger ages, I think there is a better chance of developing a closer relationship with them.

    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:34 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I am a step-mother also and I have a good relationship with my step-children. They are very clear in understanding that I am not there mother and I am not in there lives to be there mother. They understand that there father and I love and care for one another very, very much. They know that I love them as they were my own, and that they can talk to me about anything. Are relationships have gotten alot better closer since I had my DDThere mother and I get a long wonderfully we talk have x-mas together birthdays together and she and I were preggo at the same time so her LO and mine play when we are all together. Her and I have NEVER had an issue with one another, I have known her longer then my DH. What happened between them is between them and what didn't work for them works for us. We don't get along for the children we get along cause we don't have issues and nor never have or never will. I guess we are a happy family :~)
    raemommy

    Answer by raemommy at 2:34 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I think the percentages are about the same for bio parents lol. It always seems kids like the dads more than moms. But it might be harder for stepmoms to have that bond with stepchildren as they do with their own. Fathers don't seem to have the same kind of bond we do when it comes to kids. Kids just see parents as either mean or nice depending on if they're not getting their way. I have a stepdaughter, she isn't at the age to understand it yet and doesn't see her bio mom, but she does like her daddy more because daddy lets her get away with more than I do. I've been with her since a week after she turned one, she's now 5 1/2.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:40 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I think in general stepparents get a bad rap, but all too often it is justified. I have seen good ones and bad ones. It is a tough job.
    riotgrrl

    Answer by riotgrrl at 2:41 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Some step parents are awesome and there is the kind that thinks they are going to parent and take over discipline my ex had one like that and he beat the crap out of all of them and did some very nasty things while the mother stood by and watched so it is not always the step mom.
    pinkdragon36

    Answer by pinkdragon36 at 2:43 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Stepmom's get a bad rep because of two things, either they care too much and the bio mom is threatened because it MIGHT step on their toes, or she cares to little and treats the sk like crap. I have been a step mom for seven years and I LOVE LOVE LOVE my stepson, but I can't stand how uncaring his own mother is sometimes. I piss her off because I teach my stepson what is age appropriate and what is not, I am a SAHM and she works so I see him more than she does some times. She likes to play games about him with my DH....she is a drunk, I am not....night and day.
    MamaRoberts

    Answer by MamaRoberts at 2:53 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • My stepmom was our mother, but I must say that her bio children were treated better. My dad was very strict with us, but her children were always allowed to do stuff that we weren't. Also, her kids always got all the name brand clothes, cars at 16, etc. I had to buy my own clothes, even pay for my own dentist appt once I had a job at 15, and even though I had saved up enough money for a car-----------they wouldn't even let me get my license. They paid for my stepsister's car insurance well into her 20s and paid for my brother's college and his apt. Not us---we were left to fend for ourselves.
    BridgetC140

    Answer by BridgetC140 at 3:03 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • All of my stepkids adore me, I get along with their mothers as well, okay one of them hates me right now because of my husband, but excluding the parents, they all like me. I am great to them and they are great to me.
    Now my daughters stepmother treats her like cinderella, but isn't abusive physically to her. I get along with her for the sake of my daughter. If my daughter had her way she would make her sm disappear. But that is a different story of the anger that lyes between them. I think it depends on the stepmom and the stepkids.
    MommyB2010

    Answer by MommyB2010 at 4:06 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • My dd loves her stepdad, and calls him daddy. Has since she was 3. (She's almost 12) Her stepmom, on the other hand she calls by name, and isn't close to her at all. The difference in my dd's case is that her step dad spends 1 on 1 time w/ her, shows an interest in her and her life, and provides financially for her, meaning sometimes sacrificing things that he'd like to do so she can have what she needs, and some of what she wants. DD sees this, and respects it. Her sm on the other hand plays games as does dd's sperm donor. Neither show an interest, spend ANY 1 on 1 time w/ her, or give up anything to make sure that c/s is pd. When she was younger dd's sm used to do her hair like hers, and demand that dd not call her sd "daddy", but then ask why she didn't call her "mommy". Then she'd say something like, "I'm glad you don't call me mom, cuz I'm not your mom", but dd knows she doesn't mean it. Some kids have a harder time....
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 4:18 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.