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feeling violated

My spouse and I have been having it rough for a while. I have been distancing myself from him and avoiding him at night. Basically, I stay up later and wait til I know he is asleep before going to bed so I do not have to be intimate with him. Sounds horrible I know, but I am trying to find myself and trying to figure out if this is where I really want to be. Well the other night we went out, it was nothing exciging, but one of the few nights I actually get to go out. So I did have a couple drinks which is a rarity to me, and well that night my spouse decided to try to get intimate, and in the interest of not really caring I decided to allow it. Well he got rough and wanted to do stuff I did not and I told him now and he seemed to be more aggressive and persisted. I felt so violated. I allowed him to initiate intimacy but he had no respect for me saying no to what he wanted to do. I feel hurt and violated by him.


Asked by Anonymous at 3:12 PM on Mar. 29, 2010 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • ArkTech~ you are wrong it IS rape if she said no and he didnt listen even if she was not activitly fighting him off. SHE SAID NO!!! If she had to cry and scream for him to FINALLY stop this is RAPE i agree with the other woman i dont get why people are defending his actions?? weather she has been being distant or not, weather she has not be being intimate with him on a reg basis or not makes no difference what so ever, I have been in the spot with a bf where i said no and he would not STOP until I said yes, up until I was in school (still in school) working on a criminal justice degree I didnt view it as rape because i finally gave in however, when you are put in a sitution where you feel your ONLY option is to say yes or they will not stop that is STILL rape

    Answer by mommie2twogirls at 1:27 AM on Mar. 30, 2010

  • Well perhaps HE feels hurt and violated that his wife is acting like a robot where your marriage is concerned. Fess up what's wrong and try counseling, shutting someone out is screaming to that person that you aren't in this relationship, and if he feels you aren't there then most likely he won't be there much longer either.

    Perhaps he sees your lack of interest and tried something new trying to please you!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • were you raped?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:16 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Then tell him that is how you feel and you sound like you need to let you SO know what's going on in your head. COMMUICATION is very important in a relationship no matter if it on the outs or not.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:18 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Well if I say no, that is in no way pleasing means no and only pushes me farther away from him and more ready to run.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:24 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • did he force you to do something you didn't want to do?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:27 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • Absolutly u should it doesn't matter if it a bfriend husband fiancee they don't have any right to force anything. I would planly tell him if he wanted to keep his pecker then he would learn to us it wisely or he may find it along side a bridge Don't let him make u feel like your wrong. I personally have felt that way a couple of times about my husband. But ya know a couple of things we have done together did seem right but they turned out to be fine. I actually enjoyed some of it a little maybe that's the kinky side of me. Maybe he thinks your playin hard to get?

    Answer by crystalcline at 3:30 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • I wouldn't necessarily he forced me, we were being intimate but then he pushed the issue on a couple things that I said no to several times and he persisted and I just basically screamed and wept about it and he did finally stopped, but that is no way to make we want to be closer to him, if nothing else I wanted to get as far away from him as possible at that very moment.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:30 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • if he was nagging but didn't actually try to do something you didn't want, then I wouldn't say that a rape was involved, but I see how you feel about his not respecting your feelings.
    If you aren't happy, then I say this is not a sign it's going to get better- I'd document what happened and start working towards getting out.

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:34 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

  • if my dh did something to be after i told him no i would be at the police station having a rape kit done.... that is so wrong!

    Answer by AmaliaD at 3:37 PM on Mar. 29, 2010

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